


Enlighten Me

by BG97



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Apologies, Awkward First Times, BDSM, Bathroom Sex, Bondage, Bottom Hwang Hyunjin, Breathplay, Confessions, Cuddling & Snuggling, Dom Drop, Dom Hwang Hyunjin, Dom Kim Seungmin, Dom/sub, Dry Humping, Feeding Kink, Fluff and Angst, Friends With Benefits, Friends to Lovers, Grinding, Hurt/Comfort, Hwang Hyunjin is Whipped, Impact Play, Japanese Rope Bondage, Kim Seungmin is Whipped, Kink Exploration, Kink Negotiation, M/M, Making Love, Making Out, Master/Pet, Minor Bang Chan/Lee Felix, Minor Injuries, Multiple Orgasms, Mutual Masturbation, Mutual Pining, Oral Sex, Orgasm Delay/Denial, Past Kim Seungmin/Seo Changbin, Pining, Platonic Cuddling, Porn With Plot, Porn with Feelings, Puppy Play, Referenced Hwang Hyunjin/Bang Chan, Referenced Hwang Hyunjin/Han Jisung, Referenced Hwang Hyunjin/Lee Minho, Restraints, Rope Bondage, Safe Sane and Consensual, Safeword Use, Semi-Public Sex, Seungjin Deserve the World, Shibari, Sick Kim Seungmin, Slow Burn, Spanking, Sub Kim Seungmin, Top Kim Seungmin, Under-negotiated Kink, Vanilla, Watersports, bottom seungmin, guided masturbation, kink gone wrong, precious boys, sub hyunjin, top hyunjin
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-15
Updated: 2020-03-15
Packaged: 2021-02-28 20:33:41
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 53,490
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23153308
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BG97/pseuds/BG97
Summary: "D'you ever think about how sexually compatible we are?""... do you?"Together, best friends Seungmin and Hyunjin embark on a month long journey of kink exploration, self-discovery, and enlightenment. This is their story.
Relationships: Hwang Hyunjin & Kim Seungmin, Hwang Hyunjin/Kim Seungmin
Comments: 68
Kudos: 951
Collections: SKZ Fuckfest





	1. One

**Author's Note:**

> Welcome <3
> 
> This has been an absolute adventure to write, and I want to sincerely thank the Fuck Fest mod team and my prompter for allowing it to happen, my amazing wonderful spectacular incredible beta, 0mile - without whom this fic would have never been completed, and everyone who sat through my crazed ramblings full of redacted text as I was slowly driven insane with love for this story.
> 
> Quick Disclaimer: This is a long fic and there are A LOT of tags. Please read through them and take note of each one. Some, in particular, might be a bit strange or worrying. One I'd like to point out is "watersports" or piss play. Piss play is discussed vaguely at different parts in the fic, but I promise the actual explicit scene is very, very brief and not actually that explicit. It is in Chapter 5, and that chapter is kind of designed to be okay to skip if necessary! Another worrying one might be breath play, which is only mentioned and never explicit in the fic (again, in Chapter 5). Feeding kink comes in Chapter 4 and is, again, rather brief and immediately at the beginning of the chapter and rather easy to skip. There are reminders before these two chapters as well <3
> 
> That out of the way! I really really hope you all enjoy!

“I finally ordered myself a collar.”

Seungmin feels his eyebrows furrow, squinting gaze slowly swiveling from his phone to fix on his roommate and best friend who’s plopping his weight onto their worn futon-turned-couch beside him.

“Okay…” He sits up slowly, setting his phone down as he turns his body to properly face the man next to him. Hyunjin is slumped into the cushions, head resting back so he is looking up at the dingy, off-white ceiling tiles of their little apartment’s living room. “Did you meet someone?”

Hyunjin’s eyes slide closed as he lets out a dramatic sigh, head lolling to the side lazily. “No.”

“Okay…” The creases between Seungmin’s eyebrows deepen as he tries to wrap his brain around what Hyunjin said. “So why then?”

Hyunjin’s eyes open slowly, meeting Seungmin’s own. “I don’t know. I guess I just wanted it… I ordered some other stuff too… cuffs and clamps, stuff like that.”

“Yeah, but… how are you-“

“I know I can’t use a lot of it on my own, I just think…” Hyunjin lets out another loud sigh, hand scrubbing over his face. “I guess it’ll just be nice to have, you know?”

“Okay… I feel like there’s something here I’m missing.”

“Nope. I’m just sad and lonely and don’t have someone to tie me up, you’re not missing anything.”

“Hyunjin,” Seungmin huffs, trying to gauge just how serious this conversation needs him to be, “you’re not alone… what about that guy you were spending time with? What was his name?”

Another theatric sigh. “It doesn’t matter, he hasn’t been responding to my texts.”

Seungmin’s mouth tightens into a thin line, wondering, not for the first time, how it’s possible to have a shot with Hwang Hyunjin and just ghost him. It’s happened so many times; Seungmin was sure it had to be something Hyunjin was doing, but he’s _seen_ the texts. Everything’s perfectly normal until Hyunjin suggests hanging out in a manner that implies there won’t be fucking involved and they blow him off. Every single time. He’s probably biased as the older boy’s de facto wingman and since Hyunjin’s his personal favorite person to spend time with, without any sex at all, but _still_.

He must be doing something fairly obvious with his face because Hyunjin gives him a small smile. “It’s okay, he was boring, anyway… I’m just tired.”

Seungmin hums quietly, trying to decide where the best place to go from there would be, but Hyunjin beats him to it.

“I’m sick of hooking up with guys that just… you know, wanna fuck me,” Hyunjin whines, curling into the back of the couch, tucking his legs up underneath himself as he looks up at Seungmin, practically pouting.

“Isn’t that… kind of the point of hooking up?”

Seungmin laughs, raising his hands up defensively as an annoyed Hyunjin smacks at his shoulder. “You know what I mean!” Hyunjin whines, “I hate having the same boring sex with someone new only to have them never text me back and then having to find someone else just to have the process repeat. I just want to get to know someone, like actually figure them out…”

“You deserve that... I genuinely don’t get why the guys you mess around with always turn out to be dicks.”

Hyunjin whines, “I’m cursed, Seung, I really am.”

“You’re not cursed,” he laughs, but like… honestly?

“I _am_. It sucks.”

“Maybe you should just focus on you for a while, you know?”

“I’m not _you_ , Seungmin, I have _needs_.”

Seungmin rolls his eyes, trying for the level of dramatics that Hyunjin was pulling earlier. “Just jack off like the rest of us, it’s not that hard.”

“Jacking off’s _boring_.”

“It’s not boring,” Seungmin snorts, “not if you’re doing it right.”

“How do you do it?” Seungmin rolls his eyes, again, but Hyunjin curls his body closer, looking genuinely curious. “No really, I wanna know.”

“I’m not explaining proper masturbation technique to you.”

“Even if it’d stop me from hooking up with assholes all the time?”

Seungmin snorts, “just buy a dildo or something, dude.”

“I have toys, they’re not the same as fucking and it still doesn’t solve the issue that like… I just want to figure things out and experiment and have fun and it just doesn’t seem fair that it’s so hard to find someone to do that with, you know?” Hyunjin slumps deeper into the cushion, arms wrapping around his body. “The whole ‘not being lovable’ thing is something I can deal with after college.”

“ _Hyunjin_ ,” Seungmin groans, “oh my god, you are _not_ unlovable.”

“It doesn’t matter, that’s not what this particular pity party is about…”

Seungmin honestly doesn’t know what to say, so he stays quiet, letting the comfortable silence stretch between them, waiting to see if Hyunjin will continue.

“D’you ever think about how sexually compatible we are?” That’s… definitely not what Seungmin was expecting.

“… do you?”

“Sure,” Hyunjin snorts, “it’s like… a huge thing we have in common. You’re the only person I can even talk to about this… sure, I think about it.”

“Okay… I don’t really get why that’s relevant…?”

“Seungmin. You’re into domming people, and I want to be dommed. I think there could be something there.”

Seungmin has to take a solid few moments to process that. What the fuck Hyunjin just said. What he was implying. Hyunjin, to his credit, isn’t holding eye contact, shifting in his spot on the couch. “You realize- Hyunjin… I… _what_?”

“It’s only weird if you make it weird, Seungmin… friends fuck each other all the time.”

_What?_ “Hyunjin… we _live_ together, that would be such a bad idea-”

“I’m not saying we should _date_ or anything… c’mon Seungmin, I know you don’t do casual sex, but you haven’t gotten laid since- you haven’t gotten laid in _months_. Fucking me can’t really be worse than celibacy-”

“I don’t understand, is this like… a new thing? Have you been thinking about this for a while?”

“Maybe I’ve thought about it,” Hyunjin shrugs, like it’s not a big deal, like he’s not suggesting they _fuck_ each other, “tell me it doesn’t make sense, though, like… you have to have things you’re wanting to try too, right? We can try stuff together-”

“Hyunjin, dude, you know I love you, but this is a terrible fucking idea.”

“Just-” Hyunjin’s fingers tug through his shaggy hair - it’s getting long again. “Just think about it? For me?”

“Fine, whatever.”

Seungmin has absolutely no intentions of thinking about it.

\---

Seungmin thinks about it.

He thinks about it, a lot, in fact. So much that it gets to a point where he feels like he can’t think about anything else, and it’s driving him fucking insane.

And of course it’s all Hyunjin’s fault.

He really thought that Hyunjin might just drop it, or, at least, be lowkey about bringing it up, again… at the _very_ least wait until after midterms, but of course he doesn’t. 

Every time they’re together, Hyunjin finds excuses to touch him, hug him, sit in his lap, regardless of who they’re around. The flirting and innuendos start fairly subtle until Hyunjin abandons that completely; the first time he walks into the dining hall to see Hyunjin eying him with a popsicle practically down his throat, Seungmin turns on his heels and walks right back out, Hyunjin’s teasing laughter rising over the din as he retreats.

And Seungmin tries, he really does try to convince himself that it’s all a joke, but he knows Hyunjin. He doesn’t joke like this. He’d only go to these kinds of lengths for something he _really_ wants…

And Hyunjin always gets what he wants.

Seungmin tries to ignore it, tries to just wait Hyunjin out, keeps telling himself that he’ll get bored and they can just pretend none of this ever happened…

But he can’t.

Because he’s thinking about it.

Every single time Hyunjin’s hand squeezes at his thigh or rests at his waist, every time he leans in close to speak lowly in Seungmin’s ear, every time he comes up behind him when Seungmin’s cooking or doing the dishes and circles his arms around his body… he thinks about it… so basically every time they’re in the same room.

It’s just simple thoughts at first, little ‘he wants to fuck you’s whispered in the back of his mind… but it quickly becomes more insidious. He starts noticing things about Hyunjin, about his body, that he’s never taken a second glance at before… like how nice his hands are, or how cute his eye smiles are, or how deep his dimples are - but only when he makes that one expression… how his thighs are so thick and muscular, his shoulders so broad and toned, but his waist is thin and soft.

He swears the worst moment of his week is when he really realizes for the first time that Hyunjin has a dick because, holy _shit_ , it’s just _there_ , _all the time_ , no matter what pants he wears, but Seungmin had never really considered the reality of his best friend’s dick because _why would he think about his best friend’s dick?_

He's never had any _reason_ to look at Hyunjin the way he's looking at him now, now that he's being _propositioned_ . Hyunjin's his best friend, and he knows… they _talk_ about sex, but he just… they've always been _just_ friends.

His relationship with Changbin was still new when they met and of course he wouldn't have a reason to think about anyone else when he had _Seo Changbin_ . Seungmin's a good boyfriend… or he was… he _thought_ he was… after the breakup… Seungmin hasn't felt any desire to look at _anyone_ since Changbin dumped him…

Until Hyunjin.

Because he's _looking_ at Hyunjin now.

_Fuck_.

\---

Seungmin almost makes it to midterms. _Almost_.

"We need to talk." The words are startled out of him and come out way less serious and imposing sounding than he needs to be, but come _on_.

Seungmin can really only take so much, and Hyunjin walking _needlessly_ into their common area in nothing but a towel, water still dripping from his hair, rolling over the curves of his body - _again_ \- is _too much_.

Hyunjin does his best to look and sound surprised, like he has no idea what Seungmin could possibly need to talk to him about, "yeah?"

"Jesus, _please_ put some clothes on first." His hands drag over his face, just _so tired_ of trying to be the responsible mature one, yet still disappointed in himself for not being able to hold out.

Seungmin doesn't miss the self-satisfied smile on Hyunjin's face, but he can't even care honestly.

Hyunjin wins.

"Tell me exactly what you have in mind."

\---

Seungmin should have known he wouldn't sleep that night, not with a million thoughts swirling in his mind, cycling through 'this is a horrible idea', 'somethings going to go wrong and you'll lose one of the most important people in your life', 'how can you even _think_ about Hyunjin like that?', and more and it's just… _so_ much.

Which is so dumb. He shouldn't feel bad for being… maybe… _attracted_ to someone who has explicitly stated that they want to fuck him. Even if that person is Hyunjin. 

_Hyunjin wants to fuck him_.

Fuck.

It's all so _dumb_ . The whole idea, the fact Seungmin actually _agreed_ to it, that he feels guilty for agreeing to it…

He doesn't even know if he can do it… fuck his best friend, and not even just that, but doing _kink_ shit with his best friend…

Except that might be a lie…

_Fuck_ , this is so confusing.

Seungmin tries to picture it, Hyunjin underneath him, spread open for him, how he's probably so clingy, how his nails would probably leave long scratch marks down his back, how he would sound - probably whiney and needy, gasping as Seungmin fucks into him… strong hands tugging at his hair… legs locking around his hips and pulling him closer… Hyunjin's face blissed out, long hair splaying across his pillow, mouth hanging open-

Oh god.

Seungmin almost pulls a muscle with how fast his cock hardens in his pajama pants.

Fuck.

Hyunjin on his knees, looking up at him with wide, earnest eyes…

Seungmin curls his fingers in the fabric of his t-shirt, thighs squeezing together… 

His cock sliding between Hyunjin's ridiculously pretty lips, the older man's eyes fluttering shut as he takes him in all the way…

Seungmin's hand is in his pants, wrapping around his dick, thumb smearing through the precum already beading at the tip… _fuck_ , he’s so fucking fucked. _This_ is so _fucking_ fucked.

Hyunjin straddling his lap, those lips pressed to Seungmin's - how would he kiss? Passionate and messy or clever and teasing… nipping at Seungmin, pulling just out of reach when he least expects it… yeah, he's probably a tease, at first… how long would it take him to lose control? How long before he's grinding his hips down, panting against Seungmin's mouth, fingers digging into his skin…

Seungmin's hand grips tightly around his cock, twisting and pulling, just slick enough from the precum he's leaking steadily. His motions, his breathing, they sound too loud, obscene in the quiet of their apartment…

Oh, _fuck,_ his and _Hyunjin_ 's apartment.

Fuck fuck fuck-

Hyunjin's probably so loud, would probably make the prettiest noises as Seungmin sucks and bites at his neck, leaving bruises all over his soft skin… his hand would trail down to the bulge in Hyunjin's jeans… he's probably so sensitive, would shudder and moan the second Seungmin touches him, those strong thighs squeezing together over his hand, hips grinding up into his palm… _Seungmin's_ name falling off his lips as he falls apart.

Seungmin's body tenses violently, a too loud gasp echoing around his room, cum painting his Psychology Department t-shirt, his name set to the tone of Hyunjin's phantom moans playing in his head as he shudders through his release.

… He's fucked.

\---

With midterms looming, it's not difficult for Seungmin to come up with excuses to stay out of the apartment. He jumps on every suggestion of a group study session, takes advantage of each one of his professor's office hours, practically _moves into_ the library.

He tells himself he doesn't miss Hyunjin… except he does.

On Sunday, the night before midterms begin, Seungmin uses every excuse he can think of to keep Felix and Minho late at the library, but it's no use; Minho finishes the essay he's working on and won't consider anything that doesn't involve him going straight home to pass out before his in-class in the morning… and Felix has already put up with so _much_ from him the past few days… they could probably write their own child psychopathology textbook at this point and they're not even grouped together for the research proposal project… even Felix only has a finite amount of patience.

Seungmin's run out of things to do. He won't get his prompt for the history of photography essay until later in the week, he's waiting on one of his group members to come through with her portion of the background research for their proposal, everything else is in class and Seungmin's already rewritten and reorganized his notes for each course at least once…

It doesn't stop him from loitering until he has to join the crowd of disgruntled students being kicked out when the library closes early like it always does before exams… there's something nice behind the policy about encouraging students to take a mental health break from studying, but it's no less annoying… even if Seungmin's reasons are different from his peers.

All of campus shuts down all at once and Seungmin's left in the cold wondering if there's anyone in his contacts list he'd feel comfortable bothering. His fingers hover over Chan's name for several moments, but he can't think of a reason to give the upperclassman and it's not even like they're that close.

So he goes home.

Hyunjin and him haven't had much of a chance to speak with Seungmin self-isolating and largely avoiding his messaging app, social media, his phone in general…

He doesn't know what to expect. Still doesn't know how he's supposed to look Hyunjin in the eye and pretend he didn't-

The apartment is quiet, and he almost thinks Hyunjin went to bed early for once… until his door opens.

Seungmin doesn't know what to expect, but he's certainly caught off guard when Hyunjin crosses the floor and throws his arms around Seungmin, crushing him to his body, burying his face in his shoulder. There's no hesitation, no resistance.

"I _missed_ you."

Seungmin's resolve crumbles instantly.

" _I missed you, too_."

Seungmin's arms loop around Hyunjin's shoulders, and he thinks, for the first time in days, that… maybe they’ll be okay.

\---

If there is anything Seungmin respects about Hyunjin, it’s his unwavering ability to get shit done under pressure. Sure, he’d never sacrifice his meticulously crafted (and color-coded, thank you very much) planner and studying routine for Hyunjin’s second-hand anxiety inducing pre-midterm scramble to finish half a semester’s work in no more than approximately 48 hours. He was wondering when it would hit, and he’s definitely not surprised when he comes into the common living space on the first, gloriously shitty morning of midterms to be greeted with his roommate, buried in both a literal and metaphorical mountain of assignments and readings at their kitchen counter.

His airpods are in, head bopping along with whatever OST mishmash study playlist he’d stumbled across when he first settled in for the hellish few days ahead, a worn old library book held open with one hand as the other flies over his keyboard. He looks exhausted. Seungmin sets his bag down quietly and watches him for a moment, the whole… situation coming back to mind, as it so often does.

Hyunjin can be… a lot. Emotionally, he could be a real wreck, sometimes. He was getting better at that, but Seungmin had seen him at his _worst_. He's clingy, invasive, easily upset... can be the pettiest person Seungmin has ever met and holy shit has he been infuriated with him before…

But he’s also Hyunjin. Sweet, fiercely loyal, empathetic, caring Hyunjin. His best friend. He really does love him a lot. Hyunjin’s… comfortable… in the way so few people in Seungmin’s life have ever been. He trusts him; he understands him better than he understands himself, and Hyunjin just _gets_ him, too. If he would do something like this with _anyone_ it would be Hyunjin…

He has worries. They linger in the back of his mind. Worries that this will all go terribly, that they’ll never be the same, that something will change irreparably between them, that he won’t be _enough_ for what Hyunjin wants…

That maybe he wants this way more than he should.

It has been bothering Seungmin, ever since the idea was brought up… just how much he likes the thought of fucking his best friend… to the point that he literally _got off_ on it. That should be weird, it should feel wrong… like crossing a boundary, but… a part of him, that's been growing stronger and louder and more insistent each day, doesn’t care. A part of him that he’s never had to deal with before… a part of him that, if he’s being honest with himself, has always kind of wanted to fuck his best friend. It bugs him… it feels wrong, like something to be ashamed of. He should be ashamed; their relationship has never been like that… except now it is, or it could be, and that’s…

Seungmin’s not sure yet how he really feels about that.

He’s halfway through making his morning coffee before Hyunjin startles violently, book clattering to the wood floor, and seems to finally realize he’s there; Seungmin doesn’t hide his amused smile. “Good morning!”

Hyunjin recovers quickly enough, blinking between Seungmin and his computer. “It’s seven already? Shit.”

“Yeah,” Seungmin laughs, happy for the distraction from his thoughts. Things are always easy with Hyunjin. “Do you have actual midterms this week or just essays?”

He starts pouring his coffee as Hyunjin buries his face in his hands, smile still bright on his face at his friend’s anguish; it’s not like he hasn’t lectured Hyunjin a million times about his procrastination before. “Just one exam for my stupid comm class.”

“Why are you even taking it again?”

“The collaborative leadership designation.” The grumpy look Hyunjin gives him when his hands drop away speaks volumes about what he thinks of that. Seungmin laughs again. “I don’t get why the language arts department can’t just throw in a few group projects. I don’t _want_ to take comm classes, comm majors _suck_.”

“Isn’t Chan a comm major?” Seungmin muses as he stirs honey into his coffee.

“He gets a pass because of his music double major and you know it,” Hyunjin huffs as he bends over, tilted precariously from his seat, hand fumbling for the book he dropped while the other braces on the counter. He makes a satisfied little noise when he successfully retrieves it from the floor and plops it back in place next to his laptop. "From Wonso Pond" by Kang Kyongae, a classic Seungmin _knows_ Hyunjin's read before because he's smiled fondly through at least one impassioned and slightly drunken lecture about the importance of revolutionary, colonial female authors... he wonders idly what essay Hyunjin would be using it for. “He Who Must Not Be Named is a much better representative of comm majors.”

Seungmin feels his smile falter, decidedly distracted as he turns, coffee mug in hand. When he speaks again, it’s much softer. “Changbin’s not a bad guy.”

Hyunjin gives him another look. A look that’s one-hundred percent ‘we’ve had this discussion a million times and I’m not going to argue again, but, as your best friend, you know where I stand with the dude that dumped you out of nowhere’. Seungmin can respect that.

“So…” He fumbles a bit with his coffee mug as it grows progressively hotter in his hands, passing the point of comforting into uncomfortable. He wants to change the subject, but the subject he wants to bring up is _also_ awkward. He steamrolls ahead anyway. Anything’s better than talking about Changbin.

“Okay, so, about the thing… if we’re going to do this… we have to have rules, okay?” Seungmin finally settles, cupping his steaming coffee mug with both hands haphazardly shielded behind the sleeves of his sweater, leaning with his hip against the island counter which separated him from Hyunjin. He really doesn’t look like he got any sleep last night… he probably hasn’t slept at all.

Seungmin makes a mental note to pick him up something nice from the campus coffeeshop on his way back from the exam.

Hyunjin perks up at that, realization flitting across his face. “Rules?”

“Yes. Rule number one, before _anything_ happens, we’re both getting tested.”

“I use protection, Seung, I’m not an idiot.”

Seungmin rolls his eyes, shifting the mug in his hands “I _literally_ said we were _both_ getting tested.”

“Yeah, right, and we both know you meant that _I_ need to get tested before you’ll touch me.”

“Jin,” Seungmin sighs in exasperation, “I haven’t been tested since before Changbin, okay? I’m thinking about your safety, too. It’s just what you do before you start things with a new partner."

“... Fine. We’ll get tested.” Hyunjin rolls his shoulders. Seungmin doesn't stare. “You’re lucky the clinic’s just down the street.”

“You would know that-“

“Kim Seungmin, I swear to god-”

“I’m _kidding_.”

Hyunjin eyes him warningly before letting it drop with a small huff. “What else?”

“Mm, rule number two, we have to decide on a timeframe.”

Hyunjin pouts, “a _timeframe_? Why?”

“Because, rule number three, neither of us is allowed to fuck anyone else while this is going on.”

“Lame," Hyunjin grins, "and greedy." 

“Hyunjin." It's Seungmin's turn to give him a look, but Hyunjin's teasing grin and accompanying laugh are contagious; it fizzles out quickly.

“So, how long are you thinking?”

“We probably shouldn’t commit to anything like… crazy…”

“Mm,” Hyunjin hums, nodding, “that makes sense…”

“.. A month?”

Hyunjin’s fingers worry at his lower lip, gaze dropping back to his laptop. “A month sounds… reasonable.”

Seungmin decides not to comment on his reaction. “Okay, so, a month… starting after midterms… or whenever we get our results back, I guess.”

Hyunjin gives him a small smile, “okay, deal.”

“We can go to the clinic together after classes, give you a break from…” Seungmin smirks, gesturing with one sweater paw to the mess coating their tiny countertop, “all of this, make a day of it.” Seungmin’s voice is teasing, and he gets a laugh out of Hyunjin, so that’s a good sign.

\---

Seungmin’s class is uneventful, but their trip to the clinic is anything but.

Hyunjin gets yelled at for making balloons out of the latex gloves and manages to spill the sugary latte Seungmin bought him on the examination... chair... thingy... and, predictably, is a total baby about having his blood drawn. Seungmin sits at his side, holding his hand, and, like the amazing friend he is, doesn’t make a singular comment when Hyunjin makes a big deal about not looking at the needle, not even when he yelps as it goes in or when he has to wipe at his eyes as the nurse quickly bandages his arm and tells him he did a good job like he's five or something.

Seungmin’s a good friend.

Okay... maybe he teases him _a little_.

\---

“We should make a list of the things we want to try… then we can just check them off as we go and make sure we don’t miss anything…” Hyunjin jerks his controller wildly, startling Seungmin just as much as his words do, making his brows crease, but it’s too late. Toad rockets into the air as he’s hit with a streak of pink and an even more obnoxious pink kart races past him. Hyunjin grins giddily, tossing his hands in the air as Princess Peach’s kart roars over the finish line, whooping in victory. Seungmin huffs, lips tightening into a thin line as he rights Toad’s kart and follows his friend across the checkered banner. His controller hits his lap, and the game launches into the review of their ranks on screen.

“A list-“ Seungmin’s words dissolve into laughter as he turns to see Hyunjin doing a dumb victory dance. “Knock that off, I still won the tournament.”

“Can’t hear you! Too busy celebrating!” Seungmin smacks him lightly and Hyunjin reacts over-dramatically, crying out like he’s been stabbed or something.

“How long of a list are you expecting to make?”

“Well, we do have a whole month-“

“A month is _not_ a lot of time, I’m not looking to wear my dick away, dude.”

“Trust me, Seung, your dick is _not_ gonna be complaining.” Hyunjin is probably going for something akin to sexy with his tone, doing _something_ with his eyebrows that was probably supposed to be described as ‘waggling’, but they both just burst out laughing at the attempt.

“Whatever,” Seungmin snorts, “pick up your controller, I wanna beat your ass at Rainbow Road, again.”

“You’re the _worst_ , maybe I _shouldn’t_ let you fuck me, after all,” Hyunjin huffs, even as he dutifully navigates them back to the start screen.

“Yeah, sure.”

Seungmin wipes the floor with Hyunjin on Rainbow Road, as predicted. If he thinks Hyunjin’s mock pouting is a little more cute than it has any right to be, that’s his own business.

\---

Seungmin tries. He really does.

That night, when he finishes writing up his portion of the research proposal for his group project, and triple checks that everyone else in the group is actually doing their own parts, too, he clears his tabs and extra windows, opens a fresh document and… stares at it.

And continues to stare at it.

A few timid words get typed up before being promptly deleted.

He pulls up lists of kinks and fetishes, goes down Wikipedia rabbit holes until his brain is absolutely _fried_ and he’s so far beyond the realm of what he even knew _existed_ let alone had been dying to try, or whatever. By the time he force quits his browser, the document is still blank and he just… doesn’t know.

It’s not like there aren’t things he’d already started thinking about trying with Hyunjin… they’d had so many late night conversations over boxed wine… he’s already pretty sure he knows what the other man’s list will look like and that gives him some ideas, but really… most of it is stuff he’d basically already tried when he and Changbin were together so it almost seems silly bothering to put it on the list… that or he feels uncomfortable actually entertaining the thought of doing whatever it is to his best friend. Like… maybe he’s enjoyed some videos that involve a little cock and ball torture before, but he’d definitely never admitted that to his ex-boyfriend… and now he’s just supposed to straight up tell his best friend that that’s, not only something he thinks he’d (really) be into, but, like… how’s he supposed to look Hyunjin in the eyes and say ‘hey, dude, I want to _torture your balls_ ’?

Which he supposes is his real issue.

It’s one thing to drunkenly ramble to his best friend about how much he loves edging, it’s another thing to say ‘I want to edge you’.

Which is basically what this list is, right? A list of things he wants to do to his best friend.

The thought puts him in a weird mood that he doesn’t really understand, and he ends up just shutting his laptop and staring at the wall for a minute. It’s hard to even really reflect on his emotions… he’s not used to this, to things being so _complicated_.

It doesn’t help that the person he’d normally go to, to sort things out, is Hyunjin.

He can hear the older boy in the common area, still undoubtedly chugging through his assignments and cramming for the last day of exams tomorrow… he briefly entertains the thought of going out there to talk, considers going out there just to be around someone else _without_ the talking for a good while longer.

Seungmin ends up crawling into bed at barely nine o’clock. He doesn’t plan on sleeping – not for a while, at least – and he really should try to maybe start editing his group project or study for his sociology exam in the morning… he doesn’t have the energy for either.

He shuffles through various apps on his phone for a while, occasionally swinging back to the progressively more panicked group chat he’d muted. He’s really not worried about the project. It’s really not that complicated; it just has to be typed up. He’ll make sure he goes through and catches anything glaring before they submit tonight, but it all feels… kind of distant.

He wishes the most stressful thing in his life right now was midterms.

And… maybe stressful is a strong word for the Hyunjin thing because, yeah, it’s just… fucking his best friend… doesn’t have to be that complicated. Seungmin’s brain is just being dumb.

It’s just fucking.

_Kinky_ fucking, sure, but… yeah, just fucking.

It’s fine, really.

He resigns himself to actually having a conversation with Hyunjin about this later. That usually makes him feel better.

\---

The group project gets submitted, his last in-class midterm gets written, their test results both come back all clear - Hyunjin sent him a very excited text about it, and Seungmin finds himself back at their apartment with nothing to do for the first time in two months. It’s a nice, if slightly disorientating, feeling, and he takes the time to catch up on some chores. He cleans out their fridge and pantry cupboards, tidies his room and the common area, sorts and then starts a load of laundry… it has him back on the couch, messing around mindlessly on his phone only a couple hours later.

Hyunjin’s catching up on some much-needed sleep, and their friends’ group chat is pretty dead. Everyone’s either napping off the midterm stress, traveling back home, or already has plans for their requisite post-exam drunken shenanigans. One of the sororities is apparently hosting a party that night, and Hyunjin will probably want to go if he’s awake in time; that could be fun.

He spends some time on social media, tweeting some mandatory ‘thank god midterms are over’ bullshit that gets a few likes, rotates through a few other apps before ultimately coming back to Twitter. He shouldn’t, _knows_ he shouldn’t, but he still pulls up Changbin’s profile… like he always does when he has too much time on his hands. The first tweet is from just a few minutes ago… complaining about how everything on his timeline is the same ‘thank god midterms are over’ bullshit. Seungmin tells himself he doesn’t think it’s targeted at him, but it’s a lie. He swallows down the uncomfortable lump in his throat, tries to ignore the weird nauseous feeling in his stomach, and deletes his tweet.

He tells himself it makes him feel better, but it’s a lie.

One of these days, he’s sure he’ll get over Changbin… today is just not that day.

His phone hits the couch as Seungmin resolutely decides the bathroom could use a good scouring.

\---

Hyunjin emerges from his room hours later, in all his bleary-eyed, messy-haired glory, if only just to steal some of the chicken breast Seungmin grilled for himself. He teases him for mooching but doesn’t really bother hiding how ridiculously grateful he is to not be alone with his thoughts anymore. If life was an infomercial, there’d be gaudy sparkling graphics on every surface of their tiny apartment; Seungmin really has no idea what he’d have done after cooking since there was literally nothing else he could have cleaned that wouldn’t have created impolite amounts of noise.

They collapse on the couch, turning on some random show in the background, and Hyunjin slowly wakes up more as he recounts the last twelve hours or so of his midterm assignment scramble, Seungmin curls into his side, interrupting every so often with a snarky comment. He mostly just lets Hyunjin speak, enjoying his company.

“Oh! I did take a break around… probably around like four this morning,” Hyunjin laughs, his knuckles brushing absentmindedly up and down the outside of Seungmin thigh, “I made my list.” He does that thing with his eyebrows, again, like he’s trying to be suggestive or something, but he’s _bad at it_.

“Please tell me you don’t do the eyebrow thing when you’re actually flirting.” Seungmin didn’t even know eyebrows could be _uncoordinated_ , but Hyunjin’s are and it’s absolutely hilarious.

“It’s a _joke_ ,” Hyunjin laughs, knocking their shoulders together, “you should try flirting with Minho sometime though, he’s like… _actually_ good at it.”

“You’ve flirted with Minho?”

“Yeah? We were fooling around for a while…?”

“… What?”

“Wait, that month… or however long it was… did you actually think I was _just_ crashing at his place?”

“You-“

“Seungmin, it was _obvious_.”

“Obviously not!”

“I was sleeping at his place like every other night and I _know_ I told you about how much ass I was eating-“

“That was _Minho_?!”

“Yes!” Hyunjin has a small, open mouthed smile on his face, looking at Seungmin like he can’t actually believe what he’s hearing. “How are you so cute, like seriously?”

Seungmin’s going to ignore that. “Have you just fucked all of our friends?”

“Not _all_ of them. I haven’t fucked Felix, yet… and you know I never fucked he who shall not be named.” Seungmin’s lips tighten a bit at that. Changbin.

“Wait… Jisung?”

“Jisung and I were fucking like… _all_ of freshman year, Seungmin…”

“You and Jisung fucking hated each other freshman year…”

“Yeah, we sure did,” Hyunjin grins, “the sex was _amazing_ , top five for sure. It fizzled out when we actually started talking and he stopped being so mean when he fucked me.” Hyunjin’s words sound almost wistful. Seungmin is still feeling a little off-balance.

“Why haven’t you told me this before?”

“Are you mad?” Hyunjin asks, surprised, like the thought had just occurred to him.

“No, I’m just… confused? You don’t always tell me your hookups' names…”

“Well, yeah, it’s a courtesy thing. I didn’t think I was actually being subtle enough that you didn’t know, but it’s kind of… rude, I guess, to go around talking about how everyone is in bed without their permission… Plus, it’s more fun to talk about _what_ I’m doing than _who_ I’m doing it with, if I have to pick one.”

That all makes sense and Seungmin lets it sink in a bit. He supposes he really should have known… Now that he thinks about it, there were a lot of signs and innuendos and jokes that suddenly make a lot more sense… Hyunjin just always seems so open about everything, he’d assumed that if Hyunjin hadn’t mentioned a name, it meant Seungmin probably just didn’t know them. But, yeah, he could see how Minho should have been obvious, especially. Though, it’s not like it’s crazy for Seungmin to assume that Hyunjin was actually just crashing at his apartment after work…

“I can’t believe Minho was the ass guy.”

Hyunjin bursts out laughing, leaning into Seungmin’s side, “Have you still not tried it?”

Seungmin rolls his eyes, thinking back to their conversation last semester. “Eating ass is great, still don’t think I’d want my ass eaten.” He tries not to let himself get distracted by the fact that their conversation had taken place probably just a few weeks before things fell apart with Changbin, how their sex life was already fizzling out at that point, even if he’d been too comfortable and dumb to realize. Hyunjin seems to catch on, considering how his laughter dies down, and he gets that look on his face like he’s thinking about something but doesn’t want to say it. “Why? Want me to put it on my list?”

He says it as a joke, to recover the conversation before Hyunjin has a chance to turn it into another argument about Seungmin’s ex, but he quickly regrets it when Hyunjin’s face lights up. “Absolutely.”

“No- it was a _joke_ , Jinnie, I don’t want you to eat my ass.” Hyunjin looks like he's caught somewhere between a fit of laughter and a pout.

“Lame,” he whines through his giggles. Seungmin smacks him, and he doesn’t even bother pretending like he didn’t deserve it. “I’m just saying you shouldn’t be so sure you won’t like something you’ve never tried before, that’s like… the whole point of this.”

“But you’re not like… we’re not trying _everything_ , obviously… right?”

“Not _everything_ , a lifetime might not be long enough to try _everything_ ,” Hyunjin is looking down at him curiously, “but like… we both have ideas of things we’d probably be interested in, right?”

“That’s what I meant, just- you know, only things we’re pretty sure we’ll both like…”

“Ooh, okay, well I put one thing on my list that I’m pretty certain you’re not into, but it won’t take much effort on your part so…” Hyunjin digs his phone out of his pocket, opening up the document he’d written his list in while Seungmin tries to process that. The older boy chooses to press the phone into his hands rather than elaborate on his comment, so Seungmin reads rather than asks.

Hyunjin’s list is a _lot_ shorter than he’d worried it’d be, which is a small relief, but the first thing Seungmin realizes is that he is _really_ vague, each bullet-point an extremely broad category that could encompass so many different activities. The first is pet play, which is the one thing that Seungmin had known for sure would be on the list. They’d had a few drunken conversations about it, and he already feels like he has a pretty good idea of what Hyunjin means with that one. The second and third, bondage and impact play, are also unsurprising, but so, _so_ vague. ‘Breathplay’ is a bit troubling, but, again, not unexpected. And then the final two pull him up short altogether.

“Hyunjin-“

“Before you say anything-“

“No, dude, what-“

“Minnie,” Hyunjin whines dramatically, even as a smile tugs at the edges of his theatrical pouty face, “don’t kinkshame me.”

Seungmin gives him his best unimpressed face back, trying really hard to be the adult in the room. “Explain.”

“Which one-“

“Hyunjin, you _know_ which one.”

Hyunjin finally starts laughing then, “Okay, jeez.”

“So, a lot of what I want is to really just… try sex with dynamics, right? Like it doesn’t have to be too crazy, at all, just classic, good ‘ol fashioned bdsm, but then… I was thinking about some other kinks that I’ve been interested in for a while and probably wouldn’t ever get a chance to indulge so… figured it was worth a shot.” His smile softens, something a touch insecure flickering behind his eyes, that drains away a lot of the residual judgement that Seungmin was holding onto.

“I just- I don’t understand… why would you want to try piss play?” Seungmin really tries to keep his voice neutral, but… it’s hard… for obvious reasons.

“I can send you some links that talk about it? It’s kind of… embarrassing,” Hyunjin laughs nervously, and Seungmin takes that as his cue to change the subject, filing this… _all_ of this away for later when he can process it without hurting Hyunjin’s feelings. He’s the best, best friend ever, Hyunjin better know that.

“Okay, so the other one…I’m not trying to get arrested, dude.” Hyunjin looks confused for a second, but seems to catch on fairly quickly, realization dawning on his face right alongside relief that Seungmin isn’t going to keep grilling him about the piss play thing.

“Oh, by ‘public sex’ I meant like… in a public bathroom or something, not _actual_ public indecency.” Seungmin hums, considering that for a second.

“I’m not… sure, yet, if that’s something I’d be comfortable risking.”

“Totally get that!” Hyunjin says quickly, and Seungmin can really see how anxious he is, now. “Like I said, just wanted to throw it out there as something I’ve thought about.” He’s been worrying at his lower lip, and the redness there just pulls out the complimenting color across his cheeks.

“Okay… so now that I’ve thoroughly embarrassed myself, let’s see yours.” Oh… well, Seungmin kind of feels like a dick now.

“I don’t- I didn’t… make… one…” Hyunjin just blinks at him, and Seungmin’s face quickly heats. “I tried, seriously, I thought about it for like… literally _hours_ last night, but I was having some trouble…”

“Okay,” Hyunjin prompts.

“So, like… with your list, you’re mostly giving me things you want me to do to you, so like… with bondage… you’re wanting me to tie you up, or whatever, right?” Hyunjin nods, clearly not sure where he’s going with this. “But, if I put down bondage, just as an example, that would mean… I’m saying I want you to let me tie you up. It’s different if you’re the one saying that you want to be put in that vulnerable position, right? But it feels weird for me to say that I want you to let me put you… in that position… does that make any sense?”

“Uhm…”

“Fuck, okay, impact play. You’re saying you want to be hit. If I put that on my list, it’d be me saying I want to hit you, I want to hurt you, I want you to let me cause you pain.” Hyunjin’s lips purse, his eyes furrowing, and Seungmin just lets him work through that for a minute because he doesn’t really know how to explain it any better.

“You’re worried… you’re worried it’s like… creepy or something… to admit you want to hurt me…”

Seungmin shifts in his seat, voice small and uncomfortable, “yeah, cause it is creepy.”

“No? It’s all between two consenting adults, Seung. I want to know what you’re interested in, even if I don’t necessarily like it or feel comfortable trying, I still want you to be honest with me, like I was honest with you… I won’t force you to do something to me that makes you uncomfortable, and I trust you won’t force me to do anything I’m uncomfortable with either… _obviously_.”

“Yeah, but-”

“Nope, I’m giving you permission and I literally just admitted I kind of want to try you pissing on me so I won’t hear it.”

Well… Seungmin supposes that’s fair… even as his cheeks flush.

There’s literally one thing that’s not already on Hyunjin’s list that he’s not embarrassed to admit. “What about shibari?”

“Shibari?” Hyunjin says the foreign word slowly and uncertainly, surprise and confusion mixing on his face.

“It’s like rope bondage… but more complicated… it looks really nice, and I’ve kind of been curious to try it…”

“Okay, yeah, that sounds fine… you know my cuffs should be coming soon, though, right? Those will probably be easier and faster to use than rope…”

“That’s kind of the point,” Seungmin shrugs, and Hyunjin, having nothing to say to that, just hums and nods in response, letting it go.

“Is that what you were so nervous about?”

“No,” Seungmin laughs, “but honestly… we can do a lot with what’s already on the lists… and we can add to them later if we want to…” _when we’re both more comfortable and better understand each other’s limits_.

Hyunjin shrugs, a small smile returning to his face, “okay, cool.”

“We also have to talk about limits,” Seungmin hums, turning to face Hyunjin better, “like I know you’ve mentioned being into degradation before… is that something you’d be interested in trying together?” It’s a bit easier to talk about this when it feels more clearly… professional, in a way. It’s also a lot easier to talk about Hyunjin than it is to talk about himself.

“Oh! Yeah! Just uhm…” Hyunjin tugs his bottom lip between his teeth, again, studying Seungmin’s face. “Don’t like… call me ugly or like… fat or something…”

“Hyunjin.”

“... is that okay?”

“ _Hyunjin._ ”

“What?!”

“You are _objectively_ neither of those things, why on _Earth_ would I _ever_ call you that?”

Hyunjin throws his hands up, face flushing, “I don’t know! I’m just trying to cover my bases…”

Seungmin huffs, trying to hide the weird feeling that comes with thinking that Hyunjin would ever expect to be called anything like that by anyone… enough that he feels the need to mention it. “Okay, understood, I won’t say anything like that.”

Hyunjin nods, seemingly satisfied even as his face continues to burn, “okay, then… I don’t really know what else… I think… I still have to figure a lot out, but I’ll let you know if something comes up…”

That doesn’t exactly help ease any of Seungmin’s worries, but he pretty much expected that. “That’s okay… that’s what we’re doing right? Helping you figure things out?”

Hyunjin smiles then, and it helps ease some tension. “You, too… What are your limits?”

Oh. “Uhm…” it’s Seungmin’s turn to be vulnerable… which is never fun, “kind of like yours… I guess, like, don’t make fun of me when we’re in a scene?” Hyunjin nods, face earnest and serious. Seungmin takes a deep breath. “I guess… I also haven’t bottomed.” He knows Hyunjin knows that, but he’s a bit surprised when Hyunjin nods, again. Less surprised when he opens his mouth to share his thoughts on the matter. It’s a conversation they’ve had _so_ many times before.

“You know, you can’t-”

“Say I don’t like something without trying it first, I _know_ , let’s still call it a limit for now.” The ‘for now’ is really just there to placate Hyunjin, but the older man doesn’t need to know that. It works, too. Hyunjin just laughs and shrugs.

“Anything else?”

“Yeah… so, like…” Seungmin lets out a deep breath, already drained from the conversation, “I think we’ll have to… work up to things a bit.”

“Oh?”

“Like we shouldn’t go from never fucking to some kind of intense bondage scene right away… I don’t think I could do that, one, but I also don’t think it’d be a good idea.”

“Oh! Yeah, that makes sense,” Hyunjin’s grin is back, “we can keep it vanilla at first and then kind of transition? Like add more kink stuff in, start doing scenes after we’re a bit more comfortable with each other.”

Seungmin smiles, relief and nerves mixing in his stomach, “exactly.”

They keep talking for a while, moving thankfully back into safer territory. Hyunjin decides not to go to that party, so they spend the night watching movies on the couch, Seungmin only half paying attention through one as he carefully orders Shibari rope on his phone. They haven’t had as much time as usual to just hang out with the craziness of midterms and this whole… _thing_ ; it’s nice to just relax together, forget about the stress of the past few weeks…

“So… tomorrow, then?”

Fuck.

“Yeah, tomorrow sounds good.”

\---

The first official day of break, Seungmin forces himself to stay in bed until eleven. It’s not terribly difficult considering he was up half the night... thinking about everything. 

Hyunjin’s at his parents’ for lunch. He’d invited Seungmin last night, but he’s glad he decided not to accept now. Beyond the slightly off-center feeling he tends to get whenever he's around Hyunjin's warm, affectionate, and shamelessly loving parents, his head is still at least a bit of a mess… but he does think that maybe, _maybe_ , he might finally be having a bit of a break through over the whole situation. 

Their talk yesterday… it helped. It was uncomfortable at certain points, but… actually sitting down and talking through things, getting a clearer picture of what exactly they’re going to be doing… it helped. What Hyunjin said about consent and honesty and trust stuck with him, too… in good ways and bad ways.

On one hand, it’s helpful to remember that they _are_ two consenting adults. _Hyunjin_ is a consenting adult… moreover, this was _his_ idea. If he didn’t want Seungmin like that, at all, they wouldn’t be doing this. There’s no reason for him to fake his enthusiasm or to even suggest anything unless he was genuinely okay and at peace with the idea of fucking Seungmin. And he has been nothing but open and honest with him so far… 

So, that’s good.

On the other hand, honesty and trust means that Seungmin probably really needs to tell Hyunjin what he did. It’s all worse because he knows, deep down, that Hyunjin won’t care, won’t be upset, at least… but it still feels wrong. He… he jacked off to the thought of his best friend… in a very non-platonic, ‘it’s just convenient for us to fuck each other’ kind of way. He’s _attracted_ to Hyunjin, at least to some extent… he’s not sure if Hyunjin knows… or if it’d change anything if he did… but what if it would? 

_God_ this is all so confusing.

Seungmin wishes he didn’t want it, wishes he could just call off the whole thing and not be disappointed… but he knows he can’t.

Because he wants it.

_Which is the whole problem_.

\---

“You’re sure about this?” Hyunjin has a soft smile on his face and he’s peering up at Seungmin through his overgrown fringe from where he’s half-sprawled across Seungmin’s bed and… something about it really hits Seungmin in a strange way. Everything is just so… _Hyunjin_ ; his black hair too long and parting funkily somewhere in the middle of his forehead without any product to hold it in place, eyes crinkling at the corners and shifting into happy little half moons atop his cheekbones, full lips spreading goofily across his neat, perfect teeth… it’s _so_ Hyunjin. Which is… a bizarre thing to notice… because it _is_ Hyunjin. _His_ Hyunjin, best friend and roommate extraordinaire, the man Seungmin holds when another boy in the long line of hookups clamoring to get in his bed is no longer answering his messages, the man who’s back Seungmin rubs and who’s shaggy hair he holds up off his face when he inevitably stumbles home drunk and sick out of his mind… also the man who giggles with him over bowls of Captain Crunch and milk-splattered countertops… the man who’s spent countless hours with him curled up in their tiny living room, the cheapest boxed Moscato on the market between them, talking into the early morning about everything under the stars… the man who let him cry into his shoulder when Changbin dumped him and who confronted his ex-boyfriend when Seungmin himself couldn’t handle it…

Seungmin really loves him.

It’s not a new revelation. Definitely not. But it feels important all the same.

“I’m sure.” And the way Hyunjin’s smile widens makes that statement even more truthful. He is sure. He’s agonized over the what ifs and what abouts until he thought he might actually combust, but it really doesn’t have to be that complicated. He and Hyunjin both want this. That’s really all that matters right now.

Whatever else happens… Seungmin can live with that later.

So, for now, Seungmin settles his body down next to Hyunjin’s, his own small smile on his face. It’s awkward, because of course it is, just the two of them looking at each other, neither really wanting to make the first move, to test the boundaries…

Until Hyunjin does.

His fingers reach up to trail along Seungmin’s jaw, his eyes flicking down to the younger boy’s lips. A giggle bursts from both of them at the same time.

“Why is this so weird?” Hyunjin whines through his giggles.

They’re so close to each other, Hyunjin’s fingers soft and gentle at the side of Seungmin’s face, both of them watching each other carefully… it’s so painfully intimate and awkward and Seungmin’s not sure why he can’t stop laughing, but there’s just this… this shaky energy in every part of his body and he doesn’t know what to do with it.

"I think we just need to…" Hyunjin giggles shyly and it shouldn't be so ridiculously endearing, but it is. This is all so... _weird…_ he's pretty sure it's a good weird, though. Somehow stuck between giddy and nervous and worried and ridiculously fond of Hyunjin. "I think we just have to… go for it," the older boy laughs.

Seungmin's in the process of digesting that thought when Hyunjin leans in and… there's lips on his… ridiculously soft, full lips… _Hyunjin's_ lips.

It's honestly just… a little awkward at first. Their mouths just sort of rest against one another, still, while they both work themselves up to make the next move. Seungmin's hands twitch at his sides as he tries to decide if he's allowed to touch like he wants to. Before he can, the pressure at his lips slips away and a forehead bumps against his, instead, Hyunjin's soft, breathy laughter filling the air around them. 

It's a first kiss, and first kisses are notoriously never the best. Seungmin steels himself, deciding he can do better the second time. He lets a slightly shaky hand raise to cup Hyunjin's jaw, touch still a bit less certain than he'd like, and leans in… of course, Hyunjin chooses that moment to open his mouth to say something. Seungmin catches his parted bottom lip clumsily, and they both try for a second to recover the kiss before giving into the giggles bubbling up from their chests at the same time.

"Why are we so _bad_ at this?" Seungmin half-groans, half-laughs. Hyunjin bumps their noses together, trying to calm his own laughter.

Seungmin doesn't have Hyunjin's track record, for sure, but he's still made out with his fair share of bare acquaintances, even a few he'd consider strangers. Why is it so much more difficult with someone he knows and loves already? Someone he really wants?

“What if we… here, sit up,” Hyunjin huffs, a brilliant grin still splitting his face. Seungmin lets himself be guided to sit against the headboard, his legs stretched out in front of him, just watching Hyunjin and letting him lead. His breath hitches when a toned, sweatpants-clad leg is thrown over his, Hyunjin straddling his lap, settling his weight onto skinny thighs, hands gripping lightly at Seungmin’s boney shoulders. The new position puts Hyunjin’s face a bit above Seungmin’s own, their bodies so much closer than before… Seungmin doesn’t realize his hands have settled on the slight curve of Hyunjin’s hips on instinct until they’re already there, squeezing at the soft give of his body… His hands look good there, Hyunjin’s hips fitting just perfectly in his palms, pulling the baggy shirt tight around the older man’s soft waist, sitting right over the wide spread of his thick thighs bracketing Seungmin’s.

When he tilts his head up to meet Hyunjin’s gaze, he can feel the other boy’s hair brush against his own, yet he’s still taken aback by just how _close_ Hyunjin’s face is, leaning in towards him, eyes intense and lips drawn in a focused line that makes his dimples pop out cutely on his soft cheeks, fluffy hair falling untidily into his face…

He’s so unbelievably beautiful.

Which is probably a very not platonic thought to have, but Seungmin’s so tired of caring.

He surges up, closing the space between them, Hyunjin’s full lips parting briefly in surprise before meeting his, pressing back just as insistently. Seungmin’s hands squeeze at Hyunjin’s hips, making the boy in his lap’s breath hitch against his mouth, a soft groan rumbling unconsciously in Seungmin’s own chest in response. 

It’s all they need.

Hyunjin’s warm hands slip up the sides of Seungmin’s neck, holding him in place as he deepens the kiss, humming softly as he moves, guiding Seungmin’s lips with his own, hair tickling Seungmin’s cheek… they both lean into it, getting caught up in the moment, worries and nerves from before slipping away.

Seungmin’s hands knead at Hyunjin’s hips, tongue tracing along a slick lip, sucking it into his mouth. He can feel himself beginning to get hard, everything just feeling so… _nice_ . He’d forgotten how much he missed kissing and, _fuck_ , Hyunjin’s good at it. It’s better than he could have ever imagined, actually having Hyunjin in his arms, warm and real, body moving against his… It’s hard to focus on anything, but how good it all feels… how much more he wants.

His hands tug at Hyunjin’s hips, dragging him in closer, his own body shifting down the bed to make room for the older man’s long legs, but it’s so, so worth it for the giddy feeling that rises in his chest when the long, hard line of Hyunjin’s cock presses into his belly, for the helpless, needy moan against his swollen lips.

“Seung, _fuck_ .” Seungmin can both feel and hear the smile on Hyunjin’s lips, the soft, disbelieving laughter huffing across his cheeks; he answers it with his own, arms wrapping around Hyunjin’s waist to pull him even closer, body arching up to meet him. “Oh, _fuck…_ too many… too many clothes- _fuck_ , can we…?”

“Yes, fuck.” Seungmin’s hands fumble at Hyunjin’s baggy t-shirt, tugging it over his head and arms, clumsily, making them both laugh. Seungmin’s own follows in much the same manner, messing up his hair, arms getting tangled in the fabric above them, but Hyunjin smiles at him so sweetly, he can’t care.

And the feeling of finally having Hyunjin’s bare skin on his own? Absolutely worth it.

Hyunjin’s just… really perfect. Seungmin leans back up to kiss down his jaw, his neck, sucking little bruises over Hyunjin’s pulse point, chasing the salty taste on his tongue… and all the while, his hands helplessly roam over the other man’s chest, down to his soft tummy, over his toned back, mapping out each curve, all the hills and valleys of Hyunjin’s body, committing them to memory, along with the soft noises the other man’s making, the feeling of long fingers tangled in his hair, holding his face to Hyunjin’s neck. They’re both still shifting, grinding, bodies desperate and restless in each other’s embrace.

Everything about it, about _Hyunjin_ , is so hopelessly, dangerously, addicting.

And it’s still not enough.

Hyunjin’s the one to break away, breathing coming fast, slick red marks coating his neck, a faint sheen of sweat coating his body… absolutely gorgeous. He presses one last quick kiss to Seungmin’s swollen lips, cursing under his breath as he shimmies down the younger man’s body, fingers curling under the waistband of his sweatpants, a question in his wide eyes. Seungmin can only nod dumbly, slumping back against the headboard, shakily lifting his hips so Hyunjin can strip the last of his clothes from his overheated body in one go… and takes Seungmin’s aching cock in his hand.

Holy fucking _shit_.

Hyunjin settles between his bare, spread thighs, free hand brushing his long hair out of his face, elevator eyes roaming shamelessly along Seungmin’s exposed body as he begins to pump lazily over his length; Seungmin can’t help but shift his hips, seeking more friction. Hyunjin’s gaze is doing _something_ to him… it’s been so long since he’s gotten _this_ worked up.

“God, you’re so fucking beautiful, Seung.” It’s barely more than a whisper, but it sets off something inside of him. To have _Hyunjin_ call him beautiful… He can’t help himself, sitting up and tugging Hyunjin back down for another deep kiss, tangling his fingers in the older man’s messy hair possessively, swallowing the whine his movements rip from Hyunjin’s throat. His free hand reaches down to clutch at the other boy’s sweatpants just… _wanting_ . Wanting _everything_.

“Can I- shit, can I please-” It’s so hard to think with Hyunjin stealing the breath straight from his lungs, hand still working over his dick… he might seriously embarrass himself at this rate.

“Yes, anything,” Hyunjin whispers, the sincerity in his voice just driving Seungmin closer to insanity.

“ _Fuck_ ,” he hisses, “wanna fuck you, Jin, please-”

“ _Yes_ , fuck yes, _please_.”

Holy fucking shit.

They switch places, Hyunjin’s back hitting the mattress as Seungmin rolls up onto his knees before him, tugging his offending pants off and revealing miles of tanned skin and toned muscles, all leading up to a dick that Seungmin swears is ripped straight from porn because of fucking _course_ Hyunjin would have a _big_ dick… the _biggest_ dick… there’s not an inch of him that isn’t perfectly designed to drive Seungmin absolutely fucking _mad_.

He can’t help but touch it as his other hand fumbles for the lube they’d set up on the bedside table, hand stroking over smooth skin, damp with precum and the perspiration wetting the coarse hair around its base. Hyunjin shifts, shoving pillows under his hips while Seungmin’s distracted, bringing him back to the task at hand, reminding him of the very real immediacy of his own cock aching between them.

They’re really… he’s really going to fuck Hyunjin…

_Fuck_.

Hyunjin is tight and hot and _so_ fucking soft inside, his hole fluttering around Seungmin’s fingers, clamping down and relaxing at irregular intervals, breathy moans filling the air as Seungmin angles upward, Hyunjin’s body shifting restlessly on the sheets, so beyond gorgeous. His soft abdomen shudders with each breath, arms flexing as he tries to anchor himself, messy hair splaying across the pillow… Seungmin’s going to lose it, has to rely on muscle memory and instincts as he works to keep himself from cumming at just the _thought_ of fucking into Hyunjin’s beautiful body, can’t focus for too long on the vision before him or the silky smooth heat enveloping his fingers as he thrusts and spreads them.

He promises himself that he’ll take his time and really do this right next time, let himself really enjoy it… he could probably make Hyunjin cum just from his fingers… or maybe his tongue… he could probably eat Hyunjin’s ass for hours if the other boy let him… fuck, he’s already getting so many ideas.

Hyunjin shudders as Seungmin slips a third finger in, twisting his wrist, dragging his knuckles along Hyunjin’s rim. His free hand reaches up to work over the other boy’s dick, trying to help him relax… but also being extremely self indulgent. The weight of it is just so satisfying against his palm, and he can feel Hyunjin’s pulse if he focuses, watch the slick mess of precum leaking from the tip as Seungmin brushes along his prostate… He leans forward and presses his lips to it, working Hyunjin through the violent tremor that racks through his body as he does.

“Fucking _shit_ , Seung,” Hyunjin gasps, and Seungmin just presses his smile into the side of Hyunjin’s dick, tongue peaking out to trace a vein all the way up his length. Hyunjin’s shaking, his moans and whines echoing off the walls, fingers curling in Seungmin’s hair and it just drives him further. He carefully takes the tip into his mouth, sucking and licking around the sensitive head as he continues stretching Hyunjin open, ignoring the way his own cock is twitching neglected between his thighs.

Having Hyunjin under him, falling apart in his hands…

It just seems crazy that they’re only doing this now.

“Okay! Fucking _hell_ ,” Hyunjin’s gasping, tugging at Seungmin’s hair until he pulls off with a slick pop, “fucking- _Christ_ , get the fuck inside me.”

Seungmin doesn’t need to be told twice, but it still makes him laugh, startled. “Bossy.”

“Shut up,” Hyunjin giggles breathlessly, tugging at him until Seungmin’s obediently crawling up his body, carefully slipping his fingers from Hyunjin. He hisses, hips twitching, as he wraps a slick hand around himself, spreading lube down his length, so worked up and sensitive to it… he can’t at all judge Hyunjin for being impatient.

It’s been a long fucking time since he’s wanted anything as badly as he wants Hyunjin right now.

And the sight of him… Hyunjin’s a mess. His body is flushed and shining with sweat, light catching on the curves and contours of his muscular figure, his soft belly, dancing across his skin with every deep breath, every desperate movement, every jerk, twitch, and shudder… his toned thighs spread wide, tucking up near his chest to give Seungmin better access, framing his pretty cock - flushed red and leaking into his navel. And all the lines draw down to his hole, red and slightly swollen from Seungmin’s attention just moments before.

Holy fuck.

“Seung-” Hyunjin whines, voice breathy, eyes pleading as he reaches for Seungmin’s body again, fingers slipping over slick skin, but Seungmin’s physically incapable of denying him anyway, shuffling forward and leaning over him, propping himself up with one hand as the other guides his cock, pressing his slick, sensitive head to Hyunjin’s fluttering hole, eyes squeezing shut at the feeling, the anticipation.

“You’re sure?” The question’s coming extremely late, but it’s more of a formality anyway, something he feels like he should say… and the answer is still nice to hear.

“ _Yes_ , fuck, Seung, _please_ , c’mon- _Oh, fuck,”_

The first slow press inside Hyunjin’s body has Seungmin’s eyes rolling back, soft, helpless gasps and hisses falling from his lips, fingernails digging into the sheets. Hyunjin’s faring no better, his hands grasping and squeezing tightly as Seungmin’s waist, a fucking _pornographic_ moan filling the air around them as his head presses back into the pillow.

He’s _ungodly_ tight; hot, unbelievably smooth walls press around his cock as he buries himself slowly inside - absolutely overwhelming and so _ridiculously_ good. He’s breathless, panting, by the time his sharp hipbones come to rest against Hyunjin’s ass, taking several long moments to adjust.

He lets himself fall onto his elbow, slick hand curling around Hyunjin’s thigh, lips pressing mindless open-mouthed kisses to his collarbone until Hyunjin shifts and helps him maneuver up further and, yeah, Hyunjin’s lips feel much nicer. God, kissing Hyunjin is so addicting… everything about him, about this, Seungmin could never get enough.

Hyunjin has so little leverage in this position, but he manages to use every ounce of it to grind his hips down, drawing deep groans from both of them, Seungmin’s fingernails digging little crescents into the older boy’s thigh as it spurs him to move. He slowly shifts his hips back, redrawing even when it feels like, for all intents and purposes, Hyunjin’s body is trying to keep him inside, clenching down around him, like he really is trying to drive Seungmin mad.

It’s working.

His hips snap forward and Hyunjin practically screams into his lips, nails scratching over Seungmin’s thin back as he begins to rock his hips, building up a rhythm, chasing the slick friction inside Hyunjin’s hot, tight body.

“Fuck, Jin,” he gasps, “ _fuck_ , you feel so fucking amazing.”

Hyunjin huffs out a breathless laugh, shaky hand slipping from Seungmin’s back and reaching between their bodies, knuckles bumping against Seungmin’s tensed, flexing stomach as he begins to fist his cock. The younger man’s hips just keep working faster and faster, practically out of his control. They’ve both lost the will and processing power to continue kissing, their sweaty faces resting together, jaws slack and breaths panting. Everything’s just so _hot_ and _wet_ and _filthy_.

The noises filling the room, deep moans and desperate whines, sweat-slicked skin slapping against sweat-slicked skin, the slick squelching of lube as Seungmin’s hips piston into Hyunjin’s body… it’s lewd… _obscene_.

Seungmin’s already so fucking close.

He only has a moment to worry about that when Hyunjin startles him with a loud cry, curses falling from his lips, body jerking and shuddering, muscles clenching like a vice around Seungmin as Hyunjin cums, splattering their chests and stomachs, coating the hand still pinned between their bodies.

Seungmin loses it.

His orgasm hits him hard and fast, his pace completely faltering, hips stuttering to a stop buried deep inside Hyunjin as his entire body goes tight and tense, pleasure crashing over him, completely overwhelmed…

Hyunjin catches him when he collapses, all the energy in his body tapped out. He’s a bit dazed, shakey, blissed out… Hyunjin looks like he can relate, even as he holds Seungmin close to his chest, breathing gradually slowing.

“Wow.”

They both burst out laughing.

Seungmin’s not sure how long they laid there, talking softly, recovering from the intensity of… all of _that_. But it’s nice. And eventually they make it to the shower and help each other wash away the sweat and tacky cum on their bodies, and that’s nice, too. And it’s nice when Seungmin helps Hyunjin change his sheets, both of them whining and giggling about how hard it is on their exhausted bodies... and when Hyunjin curls into his side on the couch, both of them dressed in soft, comfy sleeping clothes while they snack on chips and the homemade kimchi Hyunjin’s mom had sent home with him…

And then Hyunjin yawns and kisses Seungmin goodnight… and goes to his room to sleep… leaving Seungmin to return to his own room… his cold, empty bed…

And that’s okay.

It’s fine. 


	2. Two

In the following days, Seungmin and Hyunjin can barely keep their hands off each other. Not just in explicit ways - there’s definitely more cuddling than usual, back hugs in the kitchen and spooning on the couch… but, also, yeah, in explicit ways, too.

Seungmin makes good on his personal promise, laying Hyunjin down and working him apart with his hands and mouth, loving how he goes from joking about getting his turn to sobbing and shaking as he cums all over himself… he gets Seungmin back later by all but sucking his soul out through his dick one day and pinning him to the couch and riding him through _two_ orgasms the next… it’s not like Seungmin’s complaining about any of that, though.

There’s also a lot of kissing.

_A lot_ of kissing.

But, man, Seungmin really could _never_ get enough of that.

The most important thing is that they’re good… like, more than good. They’re fucking a lot, but they’re also still hanging out and watching dumb movies, playing video games, and sitting on their kitchen floor drunk on white wine while they wait for their spontaneous 3 am cookies to bake. Despite the displays of affection… nothing’s really changed.

They’re still Seungmin and Hyunjin… but better and happier with frequent orgasms added to their daily schedules.

Seungmin’s just… really feeling pretty fucking great.

It’s probably all the endorphins.

And, yeah, he’s still worried about incorporating dynamics into everything when it’s all going so well the way it is… but Hyunjin’s excited and maybe… he was wrong about regular fucking so…

They have a long, conversation about it one night, still wrapped up in each other's bodies, and decide to start easy, decide a simple spanking scene would be a good way to ease into it.

That can't be too intimidating, right?

And Sleeping alone doesn’t get any easier, either, no matter how many times he detangles his body from Hyunjin’s when all he wants is to curl closer and fall asleep in his arms, no matter how many times he tells himself that that’s a very not-platonic thought to have…

But, in general, it’s really great.

But the true downside is that the only time either of them have left the apartment since break began is for Hyunjin to go to work or to visit his family, so they sacrifice a morning of slow, sleepy sex to meet up with some friends for coffee and lunch.

It is nice to interact with someone that’s not Hyunjin, even if it’s hard to focus on Jisung’s tale of woes about staying with his parents over break when his best friend’s hand is resting high enough on his thigh that it’s only about an inch away from being completely inappropriate… so much so that Seungmin actually remembers the words ‘public sex’ written on Hyunjin’s list and almost gets paranoid. But it’s easy to relax around friends, teasing Felix and Chan when they keep slipping into English, ganging up on Hyunjin when his cup leaks and he gets americano all over his shirt… just joking around and relaxing.

Seungmin doesn’t even realize he’s doing it. 

Not until Jisung points it out.

“You two are so touchy today,” he laughs, voice cutting through everyone else, “something you want to share?”

Seungmin doesn’t know when, but at some point, he’d linked Hyunjin and his arms together, head resting on Hyunjin’s shoulder, their sides pressed together. He hadn’t even thought about it, what that might look like to their friends… their friends who… who’ve all fucked Hyunjin before, too…

Hyunjin apparently didn’t notice either, but he’s quick to pull away, scooting a couple times along the booth until he’s closer to Minho than Seungmin, leaving his side feeling chilled and lonely…

Seungmin blames it on not sleeping well the night before, but Jisung pushes once more about Hyunjin acting guilty before dropping it when no one else seems as interested.

Hyunjin maintains a good few inches of distance from Seungmin through the rest of lunch.

Seungmin tries not to be bothered by that.

\---

Hyunjin heads to work after lunch, and Seungmin decides he’s not going to think about what happened. It wasn’t anything really, and, yeah, it makes sense that Hyunjin would feel weird about anyone else knowing they were fucking. They’d make jokes, and they just… wouldn’t get it. They’re fucking… but it’s just a month, it doesn’t really like… mean anything. They wouldn’t get that.

So, it’s not a big deal that Hyunjin freaked a bit at lunch, and Seungmin doesn’t think about it.

He spends his day mindlessly watching Youtube videos and scrolling through social media. Breaks are always nice; it’s just nice to take his mind off his degree and coursework for a week, but there’s only a finite number of distractions for the long hours he’s been spending alone. He vaguely plans out a stir fry he can start before Hyunjin gets back, the only thing he can think of throwing together with their dwindling ingredients… he’ll probably have to go to the store tomorrow unless they want to live off ramyeon until the dining hall reopens.

He also thinks a bit about the scene they’d vaguely decided to try tonight… that’s probably not a super safe topic if he’s trying to keep his anxieties at bay, either. Everything so far has been really, really good, but they hadn’t really tried anything with dynamics yet, hadn’t formally initiated a _scene_.

Seungmin tries to picture it, settling back into the couch, imagining Hyunjin laying across his lap. It’s somehow both the easiest and hardest thing ever. He _wants_ that; can imagine just how Hyunjin’s long body would lay across the now empty couch, the weight of him across his thighs, how his ass would feel under his palm… but it’s like the other times he’d fantasied about Hyunjin. It’s not really _him_ . He has no idea what Hyunjin would be like in a scene, how he’ll actually respond in the moment, if he’ll even be able to _let_ Seungmin do that to him.

He hates having to go back to Changbin, but he’s the only experience Seungmin has with any of this… even then, it’s still not helpful. Things were different with Changbin; even when everything was still new and innocent, there was always something sexual underneath. They both knew what the other wanted and sex was never something they had to… like… negotiate. It was just easy. They both wanted each other from the start, and it was a pleasant surprise when they were into the same things. It was just a matter of _what_ they were going to do, never _if_ they were going to do it.

Hyunjin’s always been hot, and Seungmin’s slowly getting more comfortable with the fact that a part of him has always kind of wanted to fuck his best friend, but it’s _different_. Their relationship has always been strictly platonic, and it still is… but factoring casual sex into it all is really confusing. It’s like he knows Hyunjin too well, but not enough at the same time to try to predict what he’s going to be like… it was never like that with Changbin. They were still learning each other – physically and emotionally, at the same time.

It’s like… Seungmin doesn’t really know how to relearn Hyunjin like this.

And there’s also the idea that Hyunjin’s having to relearn Seungmin, too, and maybe that won’t be easy for either of them because… like sex is easy. It’s really surprisingly easy how fast that’s become normal and comfortable for them… or maybe it’s not surprising because it’s _Hyunjn_ , but still it’s just… easy, when it’s just him and Hyunjin making each other feel good.

Dynamics… that’s a whole other thing.

Seungmin doesn’t even know if he can do it. Like can he actually get in the right headspace for that when it’s _Hyunjin_?

Can he dominate his best friend? Will his best friend _let_ him dominate him? Because this is the whole reason they’re doing this, but it was always sort of an abstract concept, that they’d ever actually get to this point. It seems silly that he worried so much before about just fucking Hyunjin when introducing the kink element was always going to be the tricky part, and he should have known that.

Maybe worrying at all is silly; Hyunjin would tell him it’s dumb… it feels like all Seungmin does is worry anymore, and it sucks because he’s never been like this. He’s never had to stress this much about a relationship before.

The thoughts continue to nag at him long after he’s gotten up and started on that stir fry, after Hyunjin comes through the door with a dramatic “Honey! I’m home!” and pecks him on the cheek like it’s the most natural thing in the world… and maybe it is and Seungmin’s just being dumb like usual.

That’s probably it, he thinks as he laughs absentmindedly at Hyunjin’s dramatic retelling of his shift at work. He’s probably just being dumb.

“- and then she _didn’t even use them_ , after making _such_ a big deal about me bringing them to her, I just-“ Hyunjin huffed, pouting at a forkful of chicken and broccoli like he is waiting for it to explain why let-me-speak-to-your-manager moms are so insufferable. Seungmin doesn’t have an answer either, so he just huffs out a laugh and continues to pick at his food; it’s under-seasoned and over-cooked, and he’s pretty sure Hyunjin has only almost cleared his plate out of necessity and pity.

“You should find another job,” he hums, trying to coat one tough piece of chicken in as much sauce as physically possible before he attempts to get it down.

“I like this one _most_ of the time. I like my coworkers and everything, it’s just the _guests_ like, yeah, I know you’re paying $40 per plate, but that’s not _my fault_.” Hyunjin pops the last bite into his mouth, and Seungmin pretends not to notice how long it takes for him to chew it. He should really make an effort to get better at cooking one of these days.

For now, he gives up trying to finish the second half of his meal and brings their plates the three steps to the sink and starts washing them, if only so he has something to do with his hands.

“Are you good?” Hyunjin’s voice startles him, and his hands pause around the silverware he was scrubbing. “You seem off today… you barely ate.”

So, maybe he wasn’t as subtle as he thought.

He sets the silverware down in the sink, deciding he’ll finish later, toweling his hands off absentmindedly as he turns back to Hyunjin, hips resting back on the edge of the countertop. “Yeah, I’m fine!” His voice comes out more reassuring than Seungmin really feels. He’s pretty good at that, pretending he’s doing better than he actually is. “I’ve just been thinking about tonight.”

“Oh!” Hyunjin’s styled hair has loosened since he came home from work; he has a habit of running his hands through it, and it’s cute like this, caught somewhere between carefully placed product and fluffy bedhead. “I was worried you were upset about lunch.” He’s brushing his fingers through his hair again, now, some strands falling back into his face while others get caught by the remaining product and stay where they were left.

“Oh, no, lunch was fine… I think it’d be a good idea not to tell anyone about this. Maybe later, but, like, while we’re doing it…” Seungmin lets his words trail off, fully aware of how awkward this is. More of Hyunjin’s hair falls back onto his forehead as he nods his agreement, teeth worrying a bit at his bottom lip. Seungmin wonders if he even realizes that he does that when he’s nervous.

“That’s a good idea… sorry, we probably should have talked about it before.”

Seungmin huffs out a laugh, “probably.”

“But… tonight…?”

“Oh...” Seungmin glances down at his hands, still fiddling with the kitchen towel.

“This is more of a couch conversation than a kitchen conversation, isn’t it?” Thank god for Hyunjin. Seungmin just nods and lets Hyunjin pull him into the living room, settling their bodies next to each other on the couch, curled closely together. “So, what’s up?”

“... I’m worried you won’t be able to take me seriously.”

Hyunjin blinks at him in surprise. “Wait- really?”

“Yeah,” Seungmin laughs self-consciously, “you’re my best friend, and I don’t know what I’ll do if you like… laugh at me when I’m trying to dom you.” He tries to keep his tone light and casual, like it isn’t that big of a deal, more of a passing thought and not something that has monopolized a good portion of his day. Seungmin is usually pretty good at this, pretending he isn’t as bothered as he really is. “We’re both putting ourselves in vulnerable positions, even if it doesn’t feel like it… if you can’t take me seriously… I don’t know, I just think that wouldn’t make me feel that great at all…”

Hyunjin frowns and takes Seungmin by surprise when he suddenly climbs into his lap. He doesn’t mind, he’s come to really appreciate the weight of Hyunjin’s body on his. “You know, the first time we talked about bdsm and you told me you were a dom, it kind of rocked my world.” Hyunjin’s gaze is a bit intense as he looks down at Seungmin. He’s totally in serious Hyunjin mode. “At first, I was honestly kind of confused because, you know, I only knew adorable, goofy little Seungmin then. But like, the more I thought about it, the hotter it was, and it made a lot of sense like… I don’t know how to explain, but like… you’re kind of a control freak – in the best way, my life would be an actual garbage fire mess if you weren’t in it – and you’re just…” Hyunjin’s hands leave Seungmin’s shoulders for a moment as he makes some vague, waving hand gesture that Seungmin can’t help but laugh at, despite the situation. It makes Hyunjin crack a smile, too. “Just, you know, put together in a way I’m not… and you _always_ take care of me and give me advice and just… know what to _do_ , even though I’m older than you… like, have you noticed that?”

“Noticed what?”

“I _defer_ to you, on a lot of things,” Hyunjin grins, “it’s like… in some ways, you’re already like the dom in our relationship.” Seungmin turns that over in his head a few times, and it’s sort of a weird thought. Yeah, he’s usually the one taking care of Hyunjin, but it’s more that Hyunjin is the one who normally needs to be taken care of. And Seungmin is better at making plans and decisions, so it makes sense that Hyunjin usually just follows his lead with those things and… well, maybe he does kind of get what Hyunjin’s trying to say, even if he doesn’t completely agree. “The point is, I know I tease you sometimes, but I also know when to take you seriously and it’s not going to be that weird for me to follow your orders… I think it’s like the fucking thing, we just have to try.”

Seungmin lets out a deep breath, slowly meeting Hyunjin’s achingly sincere eyes. His hands have naturally rested on the curve of his hips at some point; they feel nice under his palms. “Okay… yeah, that makes sense I think.” He gives Hyunjin a small smile, and the older boy’s face lights up with one of his own. “Let’s just give it a try.”

Hyunjin hums in agreement, his smile brilliant, and then his lips are on Seungmin’s. Kissing Hyunjin feels so nice, and he’s so good at it; it’s nice and comfortable, familiar, and Seungmin lets himself relax into it. He still feels off balance, a bit anxious, but nowhere near as bad as he did earlier. He knows Hyunjin wants this to work out, and he’d never do anything to hurt Seungmin, in any case… Seungmin just has to trust him.

He could do that.

Hyunjin’s fingers curl into the hair at the nape of Seungmin’s neck, his body rocking slightly with their movements. Seungmin’s fingers tighten around his hips, teeth nipping at his full bottom lip, drawing soft noises from the older boy in his lap. There isn’t any real reason to rush, but it is easy to get lost in the familiarity of Hyunjin’s lips against his, his weight pressing him into their couch. Seungmin’s hand slips under the baggy at-home t-shirt Hyunjin had pulled on after work and slides along the smooth skin he finds. Hyunjin hums into his mouth, his hips rolling subtly against Seungmin’s thigh, amping him up and emboldening him to let his grip grow firmer, to press a little bit harder.

Seungmin’s heartbeat picks up as the kiss deepens, his cock gradually filling out between their bodies. His mind flashes back to the image he’d thought of earlier, and it’s so much easier to picture with Hyunjin breathing his cute little noises into the almost nonexistent air between them, with his weight resting on Seungmin’s thighs. His fingers dig into the soft, warm skin at Hyunjin’s waist while his free hand slides over his hip to grip at his ass through his worn sweatpants. Hyunjin's ass is a nice, firm handful, and the skin there gives nicely under Seungmin’s fingers... and the gasp it earns him from the older boy is just so nice to feel against his lips.

The words that flit through Seungmin’s head are embarrassing, but he forces himself to try anyway. They’re just experimenting. There doesn’t need to be so much pressure. “Want me to spank you, baby?”

Hyunjin’s fingers tighten in his hair, and he nods so fast, Seungmin feels his fringe breeze against his forehead. He can feel the heat and press of Hyunjin’s bulge against his thigh, his shaky breaths against his face, knows just how worked up the other boy has already gotten. It’s hot, and it makes him feel bolder, more in control. His hands slips away, over the waistband of Hyunjin’s boxer briefs peeking out from under his sweatpants and he makes up his mind. “Take off your shirt and pants.”

Hyunjin is quick to comply and that makes something in Seungmin’s chest swell, pleasantly. His eyes lock on the other man as he hooks his fingers under the hemline of his t-shirt and pulls it off himself in one big motion, instantly revealing miles of tanned skin, a broad, toned chest and shoulders and a comparatively soft and squishy stomach. It’s hard to keep his hands to himself, but he lets Hyunjin stumble back off his lap, standing on shaky legs as he shoves his sweatpants down, tossing them and the t-shirt off to the side somewhere.

Seungmin leans back into the couch, his legs falling open, hand resting on his bulge in his jeans. He’s never really let himself think too much about how amazing it’d feel to have Hyunjin so obedient for him, to watch him instantly obey his orders like this. The feeling is hard to describe, but the surge of confidence and power under his skin from something so small just feels… _incredible._ He takes in the view, slowly, letting his gaze drag up Hyunjin’s long, toned legs, over the slight curve of his hips, the outline of his cock through his underwear, his thin waist and the way it widened into his broad chest, across the long line of his shoulders, up his neck, cataloguing every yellowing bruise his lips and teeth had left on this gorgeous body over the past few days, before finally sliding up to Hyunjin’s ridiculously pretty face and-

_Fuck._

Hyunjin’s eyes are wide, his bottom lip pinned under his teeth, and he’s looking at Seungmin like nothing else in the world matters, like he’s waiting to hang off every word that leaves Seungmin’s mouth. His cock twitches almost painfully at the thought. The fact that he has this beautiful, intelligent, compassionate, amazing man, his best friend, one of the few people he cares about most in this world, looking at him like that…

“Come here. On your stomach, across my lap.” Seungmin’s voice feels foreign to his own ears, deeper and rougher than normal. He has more important things to worry about, though. Relief washes over Hyunjin’s face, like he’d worried that Seungmin would actually make him wait or just leave him standing there. His movements are jerky and uncoordinated, excited, as he stumbles back onto the couch and lays his body over Seungmin’s legs, shifting a bit, uncertainly. Seungmin’s hands are gentle as they guide Hyunjin to settle a bit further up, until his hips are situated just right over one of Seungmin’s thighs. He can feel the heat and shape of Hyunjin’s cock pressing against him, and his hand rests comfortably on the heather grey fabric of his underwear over the round swell of his ass. Seungmin adjusts his own legs a bit so they’re spread wide enough that his other thigh is supporting Hyunjin’s chest. The older boy crosses his arms on the couch and rests his head on them. “Comfortable?”

Hyunjin nods, and Seungmin’s lips draw into a line. He pinches a patch of soft skin just above Hyunjin’s waistband, not hard enough to really hurt, just enough to get his attention, but the body across his lap jerks in response, all the same. “I need a verbal answer, Jinnie.”

“Yeah- yes, yes, I’m comfortable,” his voice is shaky, breathy. Seungmin doesn’t miss the way his hips shift ever so slightly, the long, hot line of his dick grinding into Seungmin’s thigh. He decides not to call attention to it. His hand soothes up over Hyunjin’s back, trying to encourage him to relax.

“Good.” Seungmin tries to soften his voice, take deep breaths of his own. His cock is aching in his jeans, the zipper barely brushing against Hyunjin’s side, totally ignored, but this isn’t about him right now. “You know the color system, right?”

Hyunjin nods against his arms, again, but quickly corrects himself before Seungmin can, “green is good, yellow means pause, red means stop.” Seungmin hums, his hand continuing to rub circles in Hyunjin’s back. They probably should have discussed that earlier, but he’s satisfied.

“If you say red, everything stops, okay? No exceptions. If you don’t like something I’m doing, tell me or say yellow and we can talk about it, alright?”

“Okay.” Hyunjin lets out a shaky breath, and Seungmin soothes up over his shoulder blades one last time before drawing his hand back down, down over Hyunjin’s underwear, rubbing idly over the soft cotton.

“Are you ready?”

“Yes.”

The first hit is just a bit harder than a pat on his right cheek. Seungmin knows they’d have to warm up, and the way Hyunjin’s body tenses from even that confirmed it. He waits until he relaxes again before hitting the left cheek just as lightly. Hyunjin’s reaction is much less intense that time; Seungmin still gives him another moment to relax his muscles, palm rubbing gently over where he’d just hit even though he can’t imagine the sting is lingering. He wants Hyunjin to get used to a pattern more than anything.

He puts a bit more force behind the next two hits, right then left, Hyunjin’s breath hitching after each one. Seungmin continues on like that for a few more long minutes, repeating the pattern, gauging Hyunjin’s reactions to each marginally more powerful strike, watching the way the muscles in his back tense and flex, how his breathing stutters and shakes. When his hand comes down the next time, Seungmin isn’t holding himself back anymore, and it draws a solid gasp from Hyunjin’s lips, his hips jerking against Seungmin’s thigh on impact, his dick still hard and hot through Seungmin’s jeans. Hyunjin seems to be getting used to the pattern, and even as the hits increase in intensity, he’s able to get his body to relax for the next quickly. He hisses as Seungmin’s hand connects with his left ass cheek.

He’s honestly fascinating to watch, and Seungmin can’t get enough. His eyes sweep over Hyunjin’s long body each time his hand comes down, watching and feeling the soft flesh under his palm jiggle and tense with each hit, then to his right where those long, thick legs flex in response, over to his left where the muscles in Hyunjin’s back ripple, further to where the half of his flushed face Seungmin could see twitched through ten expressions at once before slowly softening… all for the process to repeat again with the next strike.

Seungmin can feel the heat building under his hand, radiating through the cotton barrier between them, and Hyunjin grows louder and louder each time, progressing from gasps to hisses to groans to soft shouts echoing through their otherwise silent apartment.

_Fuck_ , he’s so fucking turned on.

“Color?”

It takes a moment for Hyunjin to respond as he works on catching his breath. “Green, fuck, definitely green.” Hyunjin’s voice is thick and gasping; it goes straight to Seungmin’s dick, still trapped in his jeans. The older boy is a mess of flushed, glistening skin, back heaving as he breathes deeply.

“Should we take these off?” Seungmin’s fingers hook under the waistband of Hyunjin’s boxer briefs, brushing against the damp skin just above his tailbone. Being able to both see and _feel_ the intense shudder that wracked Hyunjin’s body at that question… a groan falls from his lips without his permission.

“Fuck, yes- please get ‘em… _fuck_ , take them off.” Hyunjin is a fucking mess, squirming, trying to get his shaky hands to reach back behind him, but Seungmin is quicker. He tugs at the waistband in his hands, Hyunjin’s hips lifting on instinct so they can be yanked halfway down his thighs in one quick motion, and…

“ _Fuck_ ,” Seungmin hisses with emotion, hand almost reverently cupping the hot, pink skin on Hyunjin’s ass. It draws a similar curse from the other boy who’s attempting to get comfortable again with his now exposed cock pressing against the rough denim covering Seungmin’s thigh, and that thought probably shouldn’t be as hot as it is, but _god_ , Seungmin can’t take his eyes off Hyunjin’s ass.

The abused skin is already so flushed, two twin patches of rose on each cheek; Seungmin lets his thumb press into one and brush up harshly, he can’t help himself, and _fuck_ , the desperate little whine it draws from Hyunjin’s lips is anything but discouraging. He wonders how much more Hyunjin could take, how much redder he could make the already sensitive skin… _fuck_ , he’s so fucking hard.

He makes sure to hold himself back on the first smack, but the sound of skin slapping on skin is still obscenely loud in the quiet apartment. Hyunjin’s choked off groan is equally pornographic, the way his back arches, muscles pulsing, hips jerking like he can’t decide whether to move forward away from Seungmin’s hand or back away from his jeans. He hits the other cheek, absolutely amazed by how Hyunjin’s body responds to him. This is so much fucking better.

Seungmin builds back up to the rhythm from before, but everything is so much more intense. Hyunjin stops holding back, cursing and shouting with each slap, his strong body writhing on Seungmin’s thighs, amping him up higher and higher. Seungmin kind of forgot _just_ how much he likes this and… _fuck_ , he really wasn’t expecting Hyunjin to be… like _this_.

It gets to a point where Seungmin has to press his free hand down on the back of Hyunjin’s neck, reminding him to stay still before he ends up hurting one or both of them. There’s something extremely gratifying about the position, about holding Hyunjin down while his ass is abused, the skin absolutely bright red and _hot_ under his sore hand. And Hyunjin _lets_ him, doesn’t fight him or try to get away; he holds his body as still as possible and lets Seungmin put as much force as he wants into each hit, his dick still hard as ever between their bodies… he really didn’t think Hyunjin would be such a… a _painslut_.

“Color?”

“Gr- green! Fucking _green_ , Seung, _please_!”

“Shh…” Seungmin smoothes his aching hand up over Hyunjin’s damp, shuddering back. He’s a fucking mess, and Seungmin swears he could lose it at any second. He’s never cum in his fucking pants before, but if there was ever something that would do it to him…

“I’m going to give you ten more, and you’re going to count them for me.”

“ _Fuck_ ,” Hyunjin hisses, hips squirming against Seungmin’s leg.

“And then I’m going to fuck you into this couch. Do you understand?”

“Yes! _Yes_ , Seung –“ Hyunjin cuts himself off with a loud cry as Seungmin’s hand comes down unexpectedly, teary face burying in his arms. Seungmin’s hand squeezes at the back of his neck, just enough to draw his attention back.

“What did I just fucking say?”

“ _Fuck_ , one!”

“Good boy.” He punctuates the words by slapping his hand down hard, again, and Hyunjin doesn’t need to be reminded to count this time.

The next smack is lighter, but it’s over Hyunjin’s right sit-spot, dragging a string of curses from the boy’s mouth before he manages to choke out the number.

Slaps four and five come one right after the other, leaving Hyunjin scrambling to keep up and count. Six and seven follow in the same fashion. Hyunjin’s choking on his breath, one balled up fist pounding on the cushions by his head as he tries to collect himself, entire body braced for the next hit, but Seungmin makes him wait… and wait…

He brushes a gossamer touch down the abused skin of one cheek, hyper fixated on the small dots of dark red where tiny blood vessels have broken near the skin as Hyunjin shudders violently, too sensitive to even the barest of touches, but still waiting for the next blow. It’s a massive power trip, knowing Hyunjin’s willingly, eagerly at his mercy, knowing how tuned in the older man is to every move Seungmin makes, instinctively bracing when Seungmin makes any suggestion of raising his hand again, inflamed skin dancing as he clenches, muscles tightening in anticipation.

When it does come, it’s not the most intense one he’s given Hyunjin, but it has the most beautiful reaction all the same. Hyunjin’s body had just begun to relax, but it’s instantly alive again, stuttered curses choking past his lips, back curling and legs writhing like Hyunjin isn’t in control of them anymore. It takes him several long moments to manage to say the number “eight”, and several moments more to choke out the next number when that slap comes immediately after his count.

Strike ten lands hard on Hyunjin’s left cheek and Seungmin holds it there as the older man’s body reacts, cupping the sore, bruised skin, feeling it pulse under his palm as Hyunjin squirms and sobs under his grip, only letting go when he hears the count.

“You look so fucking gorgeous like this, Jin,” Seungmin whispers reverently, and he means it. His hands soothe over his slick back, just long enough for Hyunjin’s shaking to calm down, become more manageable… it’s difficult as _fuck_ to be patient, but he forces himself to breathe and give Hyunjin some time to calm down.

When it’s over, though, when the worst of Hyunjin’s trembling has subsided, his sobs quieting to teary sniffles, Seungmin guides Hyunjin up onto his hands and knees, grip firm on his waist to help support him. “We’re not done, yet, baby. On the back of the couch. Now.”

He’s not expecting Hyunjin to listen right away, doesn’t think that he can, but Hyunjin immediately shifts around, hissing and whimpering about his sore body, but draping his chest and arms over the back of the couch obediently, nonetheless… his gorgeous, bright red ass sticking out towards the room.

“Perfect,” Seungmin hisses, hands squeezing at Hyunjin’s thighs as he leans in and presses gentle kisses to each hot, abused cheek.

And then he promptly makes good on his promise to fuck Hyunjin into the couch.

After they’ve both cum and collapsed into the cushions together, Seungmin just lays there, holding Hyunjin for a long time, whispering gentle praises into his skin, brushing fingers through his long, damp hair. It’s meditative, but a heavy weight he hadn’t even realized was there lifts off his chest when Hyunjin finally raises his head and gives Seungmin a sleepy little smile. It’s a while yet before Hyunjin speaks, before they can talk, but each small step makes Seungmin feel a little bit lighter, helps quiet one more worry buzzing in the back of his mind.

“My ass…” Hyunjin shifts, making sure he’s making clear eye contact with Seungmin, face serious. “ _Hurts_ . So bad.” Seungmin can’t help the laugh that bursts from his chest, but he’d feel worse if Hyunjin didn’t dissolve into laughter right with him. The whole situation starts catching up to Seungmin then… the ridiculousness of it all. He just _spanked_ his best friend… _hard_ . They just had a scene that involved Seungmin beating his _best friend’s ass_ and then fucking him into this very couch in the middle of their apartment…

Wild.

“I have some lotion that should feel nice,” Seungmin giggles, “it’s probably going to be sore for a while though… sorry.”

“I asked for it,” Hyunjin groans, burying his face back in Seungmin’s shoulder.

“ _Yeah_ , you did.” He gets smacked, and he’s pretty sure that’s only fair.

“Like your rock hard dick wasn’t digging into my side the entire time-“

“ _Ewwww_ ” Seungmin whines through his giggles, just laughing harder when Hyunjin turns to face him incredulously.

“You literally _just_ fucked me.”

“Your _wording_ -“

“Oh, is this a good time to talk about the ‘want me to spank you, baby?’ thing? ‘Cause I wanna talk about that-“

“You didn’t seem to mind in the scene.”

“Yeah, well, I tolerate a lot when my dick is hard, if you haven’t already noticed.”

They both dissolve into another fit of laughter, continuing to bicker back and forth despite neither making a move to get out of the other’s arms.

They make it to the shower eventually, water just short of cold, though Hyunjin still whines about it hurting his sore skin, and Seungmin babies him, blocking the spray when possible and helping him wash the dried sweat from his skin with gentle hands. Afterwards, he makes Hyunjin lay still and let him spread a thick layer of an aloe vera based lotion onto his ass, and insists he takes an ice pack to bed with him.

When Hyunjin’s door closes, and Seungmin’s on the other side… _again_... he really does try his best not to be bothered.

He _tries_.

\---

After that first time, they both get a little bolder and things start getting quite a bit more intense.

The most notable development is the inclusion of Hyunjin’s cuffs and restraints that he’s bought for himself. They’re a bit cheap, but surprisingly strong, and they do what they need to… and… _man_ , there’s something a little dangerous about just how much Seungmin likes cuffing Hyunjin to the bed… or the futon… or bent over one of the kitchen stools… or even just securing the cuffs to each other; there’s a little x-shaped connector that functions as a hogtie, clipping into each of the four cuffs around Hyunjin’s ankles and wrists. They spent one night just experimenting with the restraints, securing Hyunjin in different positions before Seungmin finally broke down and fucked him. The next night they play with orgasm denial, experimenting with a simple edging scene while Hyunjin is restrained on the bed… it was absolutely an image that Seungmin has committed to memory and will probably be helplessly revisiting for a long time. After that, they try a spanking scene with Hyunjin cuffed to the futon… Seungmin honestly can’t say if he prefers Hyunjin being forced to stay relatively still or him trying and somewhat failing to keep himself in place _just_ because Seungmin tells him to… there’s something hot about both options.

Honestly, it’s a little strange just how quickly it starts feeling normal. There’s pressure with each scene, but it’s not like the first time. Hyunjin is just… really good for him… and the sex is _amazing_ . They’re both still pretty clumsy and imperfect with everything, but Seungmin can say with certainty now that he knows Hyunjin won’t laugh at him for saying something cringey… at least, not _in the scene_ , and Hyunjin seems to be getting more comfortable around him, speaking more during the sessions, asking for things… it’s all starting to feel a lot more natural… comfortable.

During the day, Hyunjin continues going to work and Seungmin continues trying to keep himself busy. He keeps their apartment spotless, researches for future scenes… he finally reads through the links Hyunjin has sent him on pissplay and actually… they kind of help… it’s still much more fun to collect a folder of bookmarked shibari tutorials, and read up on puppy play scene ideas, but he walks away clutching his pearls just a little less tightly over the whole subject.

He even calls his mom once… it’s probably the first time they’ve spoken since Christmas… it’s awkward, but not entirely _unpleasant_... and, well, that's just about as good as things get with their family.

The Sunday before the end of break is Hyunjin’s only day off; they both wake up still exhausted from the night before and spend the morning and afternoon lazing around the apartment. It’s a nice little break from the craziness and pressure of the previous few days, and, even though Hyunjin protests, Seungmin knows that his work schedule on top of their experimenting has to be taking a toll on him. It has to be especially nice for him to have some time to just… exist.

So, they rest, sometimes talking and cuddled up, sometimes sitting in silence on their respective sides of the couch while they mess around on their phones, separate but together. It’s _nice_.

It isn’t until after they’ve cleared away their takeaway mess (Seungmin never ended up going grocery shopping), that Hyunjin brings up their plans… or lack thereof, for the night. He’d laid down with his head in Seungmin’s lap, half-watching the drama he’d insisted they play, before suddenly shifting to look up at him.

“So, should we just take the night off?” Hyunjin’s grinning, eyes crinkling teasingly, his hair splaying wild against his thigh from Seungmin’s fingers playing with it. Seungmin realizes with sudden clarity just how… intimate they look right now. And just how ridiculously comfortable he is with that.

“Do you _want_ the night off?” He’s going for teasing, too, but it comes out with more fondness than he intended. He’s sure Hyunjin’s still sore, and just relaxing is really nice. He could be perfectly content with just spending the night on the couch together or finding something to do… maybe something less intense could be nice…

“If you’re up for something, I could be persuaded,” Hyunjin jokes, stretching his long body dramatically, head pressing into Seungmin’s thigh. His arms ended up resting over his head, the symbolism Hyunjin’s going for not in the least bit subtle, and it just tugs a laugh from the younger man.

Seungmin’s free hand comes up to rest on the curve of Hyunjin’s chest, just resting on his cushioned ribcage, thumb rubbing little circles into his sweatshirt. He considers their options, flashing through the various ideas he’d had over the past few days, after his possibilities became a bit more expanded.

“There was kind of one idea I had… it’s pretty tame, but I thought it might be nice to try…”

Hyunjin shifts at his words, peering up at him through some wispy bits of fringe that had fallen back into his face; Seungmin likes his hair longer, but he’d probably need to trim it soon. He brushes the pieces away from Hyunjin’s eyes.

“I thought I could… guide you through, like… playing with yourself…”

Hyunjin’s brows furrow, his forehead crinkling with the motion. “Like… you telling me how to touch myself?”

“Kind of,” Seungmin hums, smoothing his finger over the creases between Hyunjin’s eyebrows with a soft smile. _So_ intimate, but Hyunjin just smiles up at him softly, relaxing his face. “I could pick out some toys for you to use… it could be like… an exercise to get you more comfortable listening to me and following commands.”

That seems to help Hyunjin get behind the idea, and they eventually make it off the couch. Hyunjin goes to shower, giving Seungmin permission to pick out some toys. For whatever reason, it seems really… weirdly invasive to pull open Hyunjin’s drawer and sift through his toy collection, even with permission, even after fucking Hyunjin everyday for the past week… Jesus, had it really only been a week? He’s already seen almost everything in the drawer over the time they’ve lived together, anyway, but it still feels… strangely dirty to go into Hyunjin’s dresser and look at them. It probably doesn’t help that it’s difficult to pick up any given toy and _not_ imagine Hyunjin pressing it into himself…

He already has a pretty good idea of what he’s looking for, thankfully; it helps keep him mostly focused. He ends up with a fairly generous assortment, but that’s half the fun of this game, anyway. There’s a little vibrating wand, a few plugs of various materials and sizes, a thin glass dildo with ribbing all along the length, and then, finally, the toy he’d been thinking about somewhere in the back of his mind ever since Hyunjin accidentally left it sitting out on his bed one night. It’s heavier than he expected, solid, bright red silicone with almost unsettlingly realistic veins and ridges. He’s not sure how long it is, exactly, but it can’t be much shorter than a foot and it’s proportionately thick. Seungmin holds up the biggest of the plugs just to make sure it won’t be too wide and is happy to note that they’re about the same – the plug might even be a bit wider.

Seungmin finally grabs a bottle of lube and gathers the whole assortment in his arms awkwardly, walking them back out into the living room, trying to figure out how he wants the two of them set up for this. He ends up layering a few blankets over the hardwood, getting on his knees to test how cushion-y they are; he can still definitely feel the rigid ground under his joints, but it isn’t immediately painful and he’s a fair bit bonier than Hyunjin. He tosses a few throw pillows onto the make-shift mat just in case Hyunjin will have use for them, and then lays out the toys in approximately the order he thinks he’d like them to be used: the two smallest plugs, then the glass dildo, the two largest plugs, and finally the main event. He sets the vibrating wand beside it, still mentally sorting through what all he’ll want Hyunjin to do.

It’s a simple set up, but it’s perfectly positioned in front of their couch where Seungmin will be sitting, and the simplicity holds some charm. The idea is pretty different from what they’ve done so far… it’s the first time Seungmin will only be guiding Hyunjin verbally, and he’s honestly not sure how it’ll go, but he wants it to be low pressure… besides, Seungmin gets insanely turned on when Hyunjin follows even simple, logical commands like “take your clothes off” or “get on the bed”… even if he can’t stop when Seungmin tells him to or something… it’ll still be hot as fuck and totally self-indulgent on Seungmin’s part.

Hyunjin comes out of the bathroom with nothing but a towel around his waist, and Seungmin’s eyes lock on the edges of a bite mark he’d put in Hyunjin’s shoulder the night before, the assortment of fresh and fading bruises littering his neck and all down his torso, disappearing beneath the fluffy fabric. Hyunjin catches him staring and grins, pulling his spine straighter, lengthening the natural lines in his body, posing for him. It makes Seungmin laugh.

“All ready for me?”

“Yup, remember your colors?”

“Mhm, green, yellow, red, yeah,” Hyunjin rattles off absentmindedly as he steps onto the blankets and peers down at the toys Seungmin picked out, different expressions flying over his face. “You’re an absolute _demon_ , of _course_ you picked the big one.”

Seungmin snorts, “You can toss out any you’re not comfortable using.” He’s serious, obviously, even if his tone is teasing. Hyunjin seems to consider it, kneeling on the blankets to examine the toys more closely, long fingers brushing over the mix of silicone and glass.

“I can’t take it all the way, it’s too long,” he frowns, picking up the weighty red dildo and looking at it like it had personally wronged him, “I’ve tried, but… yeah…”

“You don’t have to take it all the way if it’s too hard, or I can talk you through it,” Seungmin offers as he promptly shoves away the image of Hyunjin, in his room, working himself over that toy… if he’s lucky, he’ll see it soon enough. He starts making himself comfortable on the couch, legs spreading, back relaxing into the cushions.

Hyunjin’s brows furrow a bit as he watches, taking his own spot on the blankets. “It’s not ‘too hard’, it just literally won’t go any further…” But he sets the toy in question back in its spot at the end of the line-up instead of discarding it, absentmindedly arranging the pillows behind him, taking stock of everything and getting comfortable. It’s cute, almost like he’s arranging a nest or something, and Seungmin decides not to argue.

“Ready?” Seungmin asks as Hyunjin tosses his towel to the side with little fanfare, settling back on one hip, looking up at the younger man through his damp bangs. He’s fucking gorgeous… always, as a rule, Hwang Hyunjin is fucking gorgeous, but he looks _especially_ amazing at the present moment. His long legs are spread out on the blankets, body reclining back on one arm, slowly thickening cock resting on his inner thigh, free hand playing absentmindedly with his bottom lip… it’s so Hyunjin. He’s naked, and maybe he thinks he’s posing for Seungmin, but it also is just… how he’d sit normally. If he wasn’t naked. If they weren’t about to start a scene.

Seungmin’s not sure why that’s important… he just knows it is.

“I think so…” The corners of Hyunjin’s lips curl upward as he watches Seungmin watch him. He had a feeling Hyunjin would like this, showing off for him. “How would you like me to start?”

Seungmin rolls his shoulders a bit and settles back, hand resting on his thigh as he lets his eyes drag over Hyunjin’s casual position, again… mentally preparing himself. “Get yourself hard for me.”

He can see Hyunjin’s chest rise and fall with the deep breath he takes following Seungmin’s command. He’s always so sensitive to being ordered around in scene, eager for it… one of the reasons Seungmin’s letting himself feel optimistic about this. He doesn’t shift his position much, just bends one leg up and to the side, opening up his hips, giving himself better access as he reaches down, teasing his fingers along his own thigh before slowly taking his still mostly soft dick in hand.

His eyes don’t leave Seungmin’s face for a second.

Hyunjin’s position gives Seungmin a great view as his fingers begin massaging along his length, tugging up to wrap around the head. His cock begins filling out quickly under Seungmin’s gaze, thickening and lengthening as Hyunjin works his hand over it. Hyunjin has a _really_ nice cock. Seriously, Seungmin’s not over it, yet, no matter how many times he’s seen it now. It’s not terribly thick, but surprisingly long, even on Hyunjin’s tall frame… like longer than it has any right to be… and it’s _pretty_ because even Hyunjin’s massive cock is going to be pretty.

Seungmin’s gaze flicks up to Hyunjin’s face, watching him suck his lips in between his teeth, his breathing deep and steady as he continues to work over his dick, keeps his eyes locked on Seungmin’s relaxed form. It only takes a couple of minutes before his grip is being slicked by precum, the shine catching the light as Hyunjin works it down his now solid length. His hair is still hanging in his face, slick lips moving restlessly… like he wants something in his mouth.

“Doing so well for me, Jin,” Seungmin murmurs, just loud enough for Hyunjin to hear, and the way his eyelashes flutter, jaw going slack, grip visibly tightening around his reddening length in response… _fuck_ , he’s gorgeous, “look so beautiful like this… does it feel good?”

Hyunjin’s breathing catches, moaning sweetly as his palm swirls around the tip of his cock, eyes finally falling closed. “Yeah,” he nods, head lolling onto his shoulder. His hips are twitching up into his hand, breathing coming in increasingly harsh pants.

“Good, baby,” Seungmin coos, shifting his weight, refusing to look down at the tent in his own sweatpants, “now _hands off_.” He puts more weight behind the final words, and Hyunjin’s eyes immediately snap to his, face sinking as he processes the command. It takes him a moment or two longer than necessary for him to obey, shaky hand letting his dick fall against his stomach, swallowing heavily between breaths, eyebrows furrowing upward, wide eyes begging Seungmin wordlessly. Even with the delay, Seungmin smiles wide and pleased. “Good boy.”

“Now, you do not have permission to touch your cock. Lube two of your fingers and begin stretching yourself.” Hyunjin’s lip is already trembling. He doesn’t argue, but his hesitance and imploring eyes speak volumes. Seungmin keeps himself still, his face impassive as he waits, and he’s not disappointed. Hyunjin cracks, squeezing his eyes closed as he fumbles quickly for the lube and presses a generous amount onto his fingers without needing to be prompted again. Something warm and satisfied settles in Seungmin’s chest as he watches, dick twitching in his sweatpants. He’s settling into a nice place mentally, something mildly less intense than usual… but that might not last… It’s hard to say, this is totally new territory for both of them.

Hyunjin hesitates for a split second before readjusting. He lowers himself onto his elbow, twisting a bit to the side to take some pressure off his shoulder, glancing at Seungmin as he does like he’s expecting to be stopped, but this new position is good. It’s more… he’s not sure how to explain, but it’s more… submissive, in a way. His previous position still made him look like he was in control, but now he’s propping a pillow under his ass, body lowered closer to the floor, much more like he’s presenting for Seungmin… but it’s hard to focus on that for long when Hyunjin’s reaching down, making a little show of avoiding his visibly aching dick as he moves further. He doesn’t tease or drag things out like he started to with his cock, just rubbing his slick fingers around his hole, making it shine in the dim lighting, before pressing both in right away.

Hyunjin’s fingers are long and gorgeous and it’s a sight to watch them fuck into his ass. It’s obvious that Hyunjin’s already needy, not treating his own body gently as he stretches and works himself open, burying his fingers and straining his wrist until a soft gasp falls from his lips and a small stream of precum leaks from his cock.

“Okay, baby, I think that’s enough for now…” Seungmin’s tone is gentle, but Hyunjin still pouts and slips his fingers out obediently, regardless. His belly is shifting with his quick, heavy breaths, a light sheen of sweat already making his skin glisten. “My pretty little slut barely needs any prep at all, huh? So ready to be fucked, you just open right up for it.” Hyunjin’s face flushes bright red, head ducking down. He doesn’t bother trying to hide how his dick twitches at the words.

“Yeah… I think we should just skip the littlest plug… I don’t know if you’d even be able to feel it…” Hyunjin’s legs make an aborted motion to squeeze closed, flush spreading down onto his chest even as his cock continues to leak. “Use the second plug, wanna see you fuck yourself with it.”

The older man lets out a shuddering breath, shaky hand reaching for the toy Seungmin pointed out. It’s made of polished glass with two bulbs, one that’s around one inch in width and a second near the base that’s closer to two at the widest point. It’s not big, not compared to what Seungmin’s _seen_ Hyunjin take, but it might be a little bit of a stretch after only the barest of stretching with two fingers, despite his words.

Hyunjin doesn’t bother with more lube, just smearing what’s left on his hands over the glass and reaching down to press it against his hole. When the first bulb slips in, Seungmin’s just barely close enough to see through the glass to how it’s darkened near the end where it’s inside Hyunjin’s body… then the second is pressed in with a cute little groan from the boy on the floor and Seungmin can just see peaks of the base through Hyunjin’s fingers… maybe that shouldn’t be so hot, but it is.

Seungmin’s hand has fisted in the loose material of his sweatpants, physically holding himself back from touching his dick as he watches. Hyunjin tugs on the base and it pulls out with a slick pop, _both_ of them groaning. Seungmin honestly doesn’t know how long he can hold off as Hyunjin begins to fuck himself with the plug, his slick lips trembling, eyes squeezed shut as he does. His hair is still falling into his face and Seungmin genuinely doesn’t know if it’s still wet from the shower or from the sweat that’s beading around the other boy’s temples.

He distracts himself by talking, mindless praises falling from his lips as Hyunjin works, the slide in and out of his body getting progressively easier as he loosens up, just making his speed increase. It’s fucking overwhelming just _watching_ it.

“Fuck, okay…” Seungmin’s voice shouldn’t be so breathy when he’s not even doing anything. “So good for me, baby…” Hyunjin’s hand slows, burying the toy inside him and Seungmin watches as he clenches down around it, a soft whine escaping his throat. “Doing so well… let’s…” Fuck, it’s hard to think, hard to strategize. He forces himself to take a deep breath, calm down. “Do you think you can take the big plug for me, baby?”

Hyunjin groans, body sinking a little closer to the ground, eyes tearing from Seungmin’s to judge the toy he’s talking about. Seungmin had wanted to take his time, move slower, but that’s never been easy with Hyunjin. They’re skipping steps, but it’s honestly hard to care all that much right now. The older boy’s already fumbling for it before he speaks. “Yeah – yes, I – I can.”

“Good boy,” Seungmin murmurs, watching transfixed as Hyunjin coats the toy in more lube, hands shaking. It takes a couple tries to get it inside, Seungmin gently reminding Hyunjin not to hurt himself as he presses on the base, face focused. It’s about three inches wide, the same as Hyunjin’s big dildo, and Hyunjin has to back away when it starts to spread him too far, fucking the tip of the toy shallowly inside of himself, rim parting around the steeply sloped sides… and then it slides home, base settling solidly against Hyunjin’s rim as he shudders, a loud moan falling from his lips. “ _Fuck_ , Hyunjin, _so_ good… just keep it inside for now, okay?”

Hyunjin nods clumsily, shifting his weight to his other side with a slight wince from his undoubtedly aching shoulders. His whole body is shining with sweat and lube, his eyes glossy when they meet Seungmin’s; he already looks so far beyond fucked out. “Color?”

“Green. Defin- definitely green.” Seungmin can watch the muscles in Hyunjin’s body shift as he clenches down around the black silicone, precum leaking steadily from his neglected cock, pooling just under his navel.

“Okay, you’ve been so good for me, listening so well… I want you to use the vibrator, however you like, but you are _not_ allowed to cum yet… do you understand?” Hyunjin’s jaw and eyes both clench, whining pitifully, slick hands fisting at his sides. Still, he reaches for the vibrating wand, a loud buzz filling the air as he turns it on.

He holds it uncertainly over his body for moment, eyes flicking up to Seungmin’s face as he hesitates. Seungmin’s curious what he’ll do, if he’ll risk pressing it against his neglected cock or –

_Oh_.

Seungmin was not expecting him to raise it to his chest, pressing it to one of his hardened nipples and letting out a shuddering gasp at the feeling.

_Fuck_.

Hyunjin squirms on the blankets, body trembling as he circles the vibrator around the sensitive bud, lips hanging open, _quivering_ . Seungmin can see him clenching around the plug, the muscles in his ass flexing as he does. He slowly drags the vibrator across the slick skin of his sternum, visibly shuddering, tensing, the closer it gets to its target… and then it meets it and Hyunjin’s reaction is _electric,_ throwing his head back with a choked off groan, hand jerking as he struggles to hold it in place, back arching almost violently.

Seungmin cracks.

His hand is in his sweatpants so fast, he hardly registers that he moved at all, squeezing painfully around the base of his cock, desperately willing his premature orgasm away…

_God,_ Hyunjin’s not making it easy.

He couldn’t take his fucking eyes off of him, even if he wanted to.

His hips are jerking into the air unsteadily, clenching around the thick plug in his ass, leaking cock bouncing against his tensed stomach, vibrator still pressing into his nipple, face dazed with pleasure. His mouth is hanging wide open, a line of drool streaking across his cheek, catching the light, as he continues to thrust desperately into nothing, seeking any stimulation he possibly can. He looks so fucked out already, so far gone.

Seungmin’s throat is dry. “Hyunjin.”

The boy in front of him jerks, responding to his voice, a good sign.

“Hyunjin, stop.” Hyunjin’s body stutters, a loud, pitiful groan ripping from his throat, even as he collapses back onto the pillows, vibrator dropping next to him. His chest is heaving, residual tremors working through his body… his cock practically weeping onto the soft curve of his belly.

“ _Good_ boy, _fuck_ , Hyunjin, you’re doing so well.”

“Seu- _God_ , Seung, _please_.”

“Color?”

Hyunjin whimpers, squeezing his thighs together, shifting against the pillows, “ _green_.”

It’s so fucking hard to not just go to him, wrap him up in his arms, take his poor cock in hand and just let him cum. He looks so desperate and wrecked already…

But Seungmin knows he can take it.

“Okay, I want you to turn the vibrator off and start fucking yourself with the plug. You’re doing so well for me, Jin… almost there just a little more.”

Hyunjin’s hands are trembling, weak little whimpers still falling from his lips, as he reaches back for the plug. His fingers slip in the lube, struggling to find a strong enough grip to work the large bulb from his body, but he manages after a few tries, hissing as the plug finally pops free. His hole is red and swollen, shining with lubricant, absolutely obscene… and it just swallows the wide toy back up as Hyunjin presses it back inside, settling inside him much easier than the first time.

Hyunjin quickly finds a rhythm, working the plug in and out of his body steadily, whining each time it pops free and groaning each time it sinks in, but it visibly gets easier as the moments pass. Hyunjin’s body stretches and adapts, opens and accommodates, and it’s so fucking _beautiful_ to watch.

Seungmin still has his dick in a vice grip, making himself wait, no matter how badly he wants it. He knows that the next step is going to be worth it.

It's hard being so distanced from Hyunjin like this, hard to determine when exactly he's ready. No matter how excited he is, he'd never want to seriously hurt Hyunjin. Not like this. So he watches and waits, eyes glued on the long lines of Hyunjin's body, on the tensing and flexing of his muscles as he strains to work the plug in and out of his body, on the stretch of his hole and the slide of the toy against it.

"Hyunjin." Seungmin has to swallow, breathe, steady himself. "Are you ready?"

Hyunjin shudders, slowly slipping the plug back into his hole, clenching around it. Seungmin can only imagine how worked up the poor boy must be, how desperate. "Yeah- I… I am."

"Good, Jin, so _perfect_ for me." Seungmin means it. "I want you on your knees, facing me, and you're going to ride your big dildo for me, show me how much you can take… can you do that for me?"

Hyunjin slides the plug from his hole, slowly, the noise slick and dirty in the quiet room, before struggling to sit up. He's shaking badly, eyes unfocused, looking absolutely strung out and exhausted… but, still, he follows Seungmin's directions, rolling onto his knees. He hunches his body, hands fisting in the blankets, steadying himself, for a long moment. Seungmin's patient, not forcing anything, letting Hyunjin consciously choose to follow his orders.

It makes it all the more satisfying when he finally lifts his head, meeting Seungmin's eyes.

_Fucking christ._

Hyunjin's face is _wet_ with his sweat and drool - possibly tears, too, though it's impossible to tell - his eyes dazed, blinking up at him through his sweaty fringe like focusing on his form only a few feet away is an immense struggle. His jaw is still hanging open, and, as Seungmin watches, a drop of drool collects on his swollen bottom lip before falling to the floor, string still connected in a neat line all the way up to Hyunjin's plush mouth.

Seungmin's grip tightens around his dick, and, for a split second, he thinks it might not be enough.

"I- I can… I can be good."

Well, _fuck_.

"You're already being so good, Jin." Hyunjin's lips turn up at the corners, tongue darting out. He visibly steals himself before sitting up and reaching behind his back for the toy, dragging the big, heavy thing towards him. Seungmin's practically holding his breath as Hyunjin uncaps the lube and then works the viscous liquid down the impressive length with both hands…

And then he's sitting up, one slick hand braced on his thigh, the other reaching back to maneuver the massive fake dick into position… guiding it to his hole.

Seungmin's breath does catch when Hyunjin begins sitting back on it; he doesn't need to see the action to know from the way Hyunjin reacts. His eyes flutter shut, slick lips sucked between his teeth, a precious little hum coming from his chest as he slowly slips down on shaky legs. The sight of the toy between Hyunjin's thighs quickly starts disappearing, sinking deeper and deeper inside the beautiful boy before him.

He can see the exact moment on Hyunjin's face when he goes too deep, quickly lifting back off just a few centimeters… and just rests there, his thighs trembling. 

"Good boy," Seungmin murmurs with feeling, "now fuck yourself on it for me."

Hyunjin’s so fucking beautiful, brows furrowing, lips tightening in a line that makes his dimples appear on his face - the adorable little detail contrasting with the absolute _mess_ on his skin. He’s shaking, the muscles in his thighs standing out, definition catching the light as he slowly lifts up… and sinks back down… and repeat.

His neglected cock is bobbing heavily between his spread thighs, red and desperate looking, as he builds himself up until he’s bouncing up and down the thick toy, lube and precum splattering the blankets underneath him as his pace picks up, the noises spilling from his mouth rising in volume and intensity, keening whines and choked off curses filling the room alongside the slick sounds of him fucking himself back.

Seungmin’s never seen anything so fucking hot in his _life_.

And Hyunjin’s doing it all for him.

He’s gonna lose it.

“I want you to take it all, baby,” Seungmin all but growls, fingers shaking as they squeeze around his cock.

“I _can’t_ ,” Hyunjin sobs, wide, wet eyes searching for Seungmin’s face as his tense, exhausted body continues working over the dildo. Seungmin has no fucking clue how much of it actually feels good and how much is just Hyunjin trying to please him, but both are so fucking hot he could scream.

Hyunjin’s cock doesn’t flag for a second, leaking all over the blankets underneath his body.

“You can, baby, let me help.”

Hyunjin sobs, body trembling as he slows, seating himself as low on the toy as he’s willing to go, thighs straining with the effort to hold him up.

“You have to pay attention now, okay? Lean to your right… and a bit back- yeah, just like that, very good… now slowly- _yes,_ Hyunjin, fuck, that’s _perfect_.”

And it is.

Every part of it, from just watching Hyunjin’s hips suddenly sink so much closer to the floor to the absolutely breathtaking expression on his face… fucking _perfect._ He sees the exact moment it happens, Hyunjin’s eyes going wide before immediately squeezing shut, a shudder rocking through his body, lips parted wide, slick and quivering, as he lets his hips sink further down… the toy sinking further, deeper, into his body than anything has before… _Fuck._

Hyunjin’s ass settles on the base of the toy, face shocked and dazed, drool leaking from his mouth, cock twitching and drooling - forgotten between his thighs…

Seungmin rightfully loses it.

His own dick is so wet and slick as he pumps his hand over it, eyes rolling back at just how _good_ it feels after denying himself for so long, but he forces himself to watch Hyunjin as he slowly rolls his hips, groaning loudly as the toy shifts, so _deep_ inside of him. He plants a hand in the blankets behind him, leaning back to get more leverage and -

_Holy fucking shit_.

“Hyunjin,” Seungmin grits out, “touch yourself, cum for me.”

He can watch Hyunjin process his words, mind clearly far away as he rocks his hips on the toy, testingly, keeping it almost all the way inside. But his eyes grow wide the second he does, a choking, grateful gasp leaving his slick lips as the free hand he’d been squeezing at his thigh fumbles for his neglected dick.

Hyunjin’s hand working over himself as he shakes and falls apart is fucking breathtaking, but Seungmin can’t take his eyes off the boy’s soft belly, and the round bulge the pokes out every time his hips settle back onto the base.

Seungmin’s orgasm hits him like a fucking freight train.

When the white noise clears from his brain and his vision comes back into focus, he sees Hyunjin, cum splattered up his shining chest, still sat completely on the toy, looking like he’d just had a goddamn _religious experience_.

Seungmin can fucking relate.

His body feels like it’s made of jelly, legs almost giving out on him when he stands. He manages to tug his sweatpants mostly back onto his hips as he stumbles the few steps it takes to get to Hyunjin, falling to his knees before his shell-shocked friend.

“Are you okay? _Fuck_ , Hyunjin, you’re fucking _incredible_.”

It earns him an airy, blissed out giggle, but no proper response. 

It takes nearly all his depleted strength to hook his arms under Hyunjin’s and lift his lax, shuddering body high enough that the toy slips out with a lewd squelch, falling back onto the mildly ruined blankets below… and it’s not comfortable at all when they collapse back on the floor together, Seungmin’s spine digging into the hardwood under his and Hyunjin’s combined weights, but it doesn’t matter. Hyunjin latches onto him, messy face burying in Seungmin’s damp t-shirt, clinging on. His warmth and weight is comforting, grounding.

All Seungmin wants to do is hold Hyunjin close.

It takes a long time for the older boy to even start coming back to him, before he’s able to answer Seungmin’s worried questions, look up into his eyes. He’s exhausted and _so_ blissed out, grinning dopily as Seungmin pets his sweaty hair and rubs his back. He has no idea how long it takes before they can get up, into the shower - Hyunjin sits on the floor, still dazed, just letting Seungmin wash his body, press soft kisses and warm praises into his wet skin. 

Seungmin’s both frustrated and relieved that he can’t just carry Hyunjin’s larger body to bed. He thinks it helps Hyunjin come back to Earth a bit faster… and he’d gone _so_ far away this time. It had never gotten this bad before, but he does slowly come around, blinking into Seungmin’s eyes as he helps settle him into bed, pulling warm blankets over his still-damp skin.

“You’re not leaving, right?” The words startle Seungmin a bit; they’re clear and spoken without any prompting from him, but he doesn’t hesitate to smile and reassure Hyunjin that he’s not going anywhere.

He assumes Hyunjin just wants to cuddle for a bit more, and eventually he’ll have to slip back into his own bed, but the older boy wraps his long naked body around Seungmin’s, settling in, holding him close…

It doesn’t take long for Hyunjin to fall asleep like that, arms and legs tangled with Seungmin’s own…

Seungmin knows it’s a bad idea.

He knows he should find a way to extract himself.

He doesn’t.

For the first time, Seungmin lets himself fall asleep in Hyunjin’s arms, lulled under by the sound of his soft, peaceful breathing and the familiar, comforting scent of his shampoo.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ;;


	3. Three

Seungmin wakes up to the gloriously uncomfortable feeling of drying contacts sticking to his eyelids.

He almost never forgets to take his contacts out, and it’s so unbelievably annoying to have to pick them out of his sore eyes and toss them onto his bedside table when he’s so _warm_ and -

His table’s not there -

“That was sexy.”

Seungmin freezes, old contacts still pinched in his fingers, hovering over the edge of the bed that he’s now realizing with increasing clarity is not his. His arm slowly redirects to the little trashcan he knows Hyunjin keeps close, dropping them inside before turning in his best friend’s arms to blink at his blurry face. He can make out Hyunjin’s sleepy smile, the hair falling across his eyes…

“Good morning,” he whispers, feeling very off balance and desperately trying to get his sleepy brain to remember why he fell asleep naked in Hyunjin’s bed last night. It comes back to him in bits and pieces… the scene, trying to help Hyunjin through cleanup and into bed… being asked to stay…

“Good morning,” Hyunjin grins back, curling closer into his body, “I don’t think I’m going to classes today…”

“Oh, _fuck_ , we have class…”

“Or… you could just stay here with me,” Hyunjin hums, arm tightening around Seungmin’s bare waist, tugging him closer, “we could just go back to sleep… spend the day in bed…”

“You’re a bad influence,” Seungmin laughs, loosening up as he slowly realizes that he’s actually welcome here... Hyunjin _wants_ him here. It’s… a nice feeling.

Seungmin still ends up going to class, though it takes a solid few minutes of Hyunjin jokingly clinging onto him before he’s able to actually drag himself out of bed… by the time he’s found his glasses, pulled on a hoodie and pair of sweatpants at random, brushed his teeth, and brushed through his hair, Hyunjin’s fallen back asleep, splayed out over the warm spot Seungmin’s body left in the sheets. If something warm and happy settles in Seungmin’s chest at the sight… no one, but him ever has to know.

His eight am Child Psychopathology class is… fine. There’s no mercy given after the long break, and he and Felix end up staying late to help each other fill in the blanks in their notes… Seungmin feels less bad about his groutfit when he’s sitting next to Felix in his Pokemon pajama pants, so that’s a small plus, at least.

The rest of the day is a little better… his classes go well, and he catches up with Chan and Minho during the gap between them which is nice…

It doesn’t make him any less relieved when he gets back to the apartment that afternoon and collapses back into Hyunjin’s bed where the older man had made good on his promise to stay all day. They have a quiet night in, just hanging out and resting, taking a break from all the craziness of everything…

It’s really, _really_ nice.

\---

There’s something… weirdly meditative about securing a set of plush mitts over Hyunjin’s hands, helping him find a comfortable position to fold his long fingers into before he slides them on and tightens the strap around his wrist to hold them in place, carefully checking to make sure they aren’t too tight or uncomfortable… sitting back and taking in the sight of Hyunjin on his knees - pads already secure around them - between Seungmin’s thighs, holding his now incapacitated hands up by his chest as he stares down at them. The expression on his face is a little hard to read, something excited, awestruck, and peaceful, all at the same time… and it’s a lot when that look is turned on him, Hyunjin smiling up brightly at his face.

“Okay! Next!”

Seungmin laughs at how eager he is. It’s _cute_ and, ironically, puppy-like. The ears go on easily, the band sliding onto his head and then clipping into his soft hair to keep it in place. Then the tail… they’ve been messing around with each other for some time now, but it still makes his breath hitch when Hyunjin promptly turns around and _presents_ his bare ass, squirming a bit as Seungmin carefully lubes the large bulb of the plug and leans down to slowly work it into Hyunjin’s slicked hole. They’d already fooled around earlier – Seungmin had fingered Hyunjin through an orgasm while they made out after classes… to take the edge off - but he makes sure to take his time, still, fucking the plug in and out of Hyunjin’s body… just to make sure it’s completely comfortable and definitely not for any ulterior motives, of course. It is fascinating, though, to watch the large plug just disappear into Hyunjin’s body, the base settling flush against his rim… and then the tail. It’s not too long, made of a light-weight, flexible rubber that curls and stands up over Hyunjin’s body… and fucking _wags_ at the slightest of movements. As soon as it’s settled, Hyunjin wiggles his hips and the motion flows straight into the tail, making it whip side to side like an actual extension of his body… like an actual puppy.

Seungmin’s cropped nails dig into the fabric of his jeans as his dick twitches in its confines. They haven’t even really started, and he wasn’t even completely sure he’d _like_ this, but it’s already having an effect on him, the sight of Hyunjin’s long body arched in front of him like this, movements teasing and purposeful as he peers over his shoulder with a grin, pointy ear grazing the floor. “How’s it look?”

Seungmin rolls his eyes, picking up the simple black collar from the couch cushions so he has an excuse to look away from Hyunjin’s ass and the tail that’s still lazily wagging right in front of him. His fingers brush over the cheap faux leather, examining the almost flimsy buckle… Hyunjin had spent a bit more on the other gear, but this… he felt almost weird holding it out to the other boy. As Hyunjin straightens back up, tipping his chin up and offering his neck to Seungmin for him to secure the collar, he decides that if this wasn’t just a temporary thing between friends, he’d spend a small fortune if that’s what it took to give Hyunjin a collar he actually deserves. As soon as the thought crosses his mind, he tucks it back away, but it does make him feel less needlessly annoyed as he buckles the cheap band and adjusts it so it sits nicely against Hyunjin’s throat, checking to make sure it’s not too tight, fingers brushing over the soft, sensitive skin around it as they recede. He knows it’s not like it’s _his_ collar that he’s putting on Hyunjin; the older man bought it himself, had his reasons for picking something economical, and doesn’t seem bothered by it at all, now. Still… he deserves better.

But Seungmin tucks that thought away, too.

“Is that comfortable?” He brushes his fingers through Hyunjin’s un-styled fringe, careful not to disturb his fake ears as he does so. Hyunjin’s already getting more quiet, his eyes blinking slowly, mind starting to slip away as Seungmin watches… it’s something he’s pretty sure he could never get tired of.

“Mhm,” Hyunjin hums, smiling up at Seungmin, leaning into his hand, “feels nice.”

Seungmin returns his smile fondly, fingers still working through his overgrown hair. “Do you want the gag, or would that be too much for now?”

Hyunjin hums, blinking as he considers, eyes slowly finding the bone-shaped bit gag on the couch cushions. They’d talked about all of this so much over the past day or so, the whole plan for the scene, safety concerns, what they both expected out of everything, but Hyunjin hadn’t been sure if we wanted to use his cute gag for this first scene. He’d been excited about it, but they’d talked through some extra precautions if he wasn’t going to be able to speak or safeword easily, and he hadn’t been sure if that would be too intimidating for this first scene.

“I think… not now… later, another scene, okay?” His voice is airy, sweet, like the expression on his face. He raises one mitted hand and startles when the faux leather bumps against his chin when he tries to touch his face, surprise turning into a bright grin and breathy giggles. Seungmin can’t help but coo, petting his fingers through messy black hair. Hyunjin’s definitely slipping somewhere, already.

“Of _course_ , that’s okay… how about we just cuddle for a bit while you adjust okay?” His hands hesitate for a split second before patting his thigh. Hyunjin frowns, his mitted hand resting on Seungmin’s knee.

“Puppies aren’t allowed on the couch.” He says it so certainly, so plainly, like it’s not coming out of nowhere. They hadn’t gotten far enough to discuss puppy rules like that, but if Hyunjin doesn’t want to be allowed on the couch, Seungmin’s not going to argue… he’s reminded vaguely of the improv group Hyunjin managed to drag him to once during Freshman year… it feels a bit like that, how he’s not allowed to say no. Role playing probably isn’t too different from improv anyway.

He covers his surprise as smoothly as he can with a smile. “You’re right! Silly me, I completely forgot. Of course, puppies aren’t allowed on the furniture.”

Seungmin prompts Hyunjin to move back a bit and slides off the couch, boney ass digging into the hardwood flooring uncomfortably, but he can deal. He opens his arms, and Hyunjin immediately falls into his chest, curling up between his spread thighs and snuggling close. It takes a little shifting to find a position where Hyunjin’s ears aren’t poking into him and where Hyunjin’s not putting any weight on his tail plug, but they settle relatively easy. Seungmin just focuses on brushing his hands over Hyunjin’s exposed skin, like he’d pet a dog.

Seungmin’s family never had dogs. He can practically hear his mom’s familiar voice in his head listing out all the reasons why… which all basically boiled down to their things being “too nice” to risk having them around a dirty, clumsy animal. Hyunjin’s family has Kkami, though, and Kkami’s an okay dog… they had another one when Hyunjin was little, too. Hyunjin would probably be better at this, ironically… it’s not even the cognitive dissonance thing because it’s actually fairly easy to think of Hyunjin as a giant puppy… he already acts like one half the time anyway, it’s more that Seungmin is awkward around dogs in general.

But this is Hyunjin, and it’s nice to hold Hyunjin, nice to just pet over his soft skin and hair.

They just stay like that for a while, Seungmin rubbing his hands all over Hyunjin’s strong body, noting the places where the older man arches into his touch, the cute little whine he makes when Seungmin runs his blunt nails gently down his back, how it becomes harder for him to stay still - his head nuzzling into Seungmin’s softer sweater, thighs shifting and squeezing together, dick slowly beginning to harden against his hip… Seungmin’s not really doing anything _sexual_ , but he can feel it, too. His own cock is starting to fill out the front of his corduroys, pressing into Hyunjin’s side. Having Hyunjin practically naked under his hands, plug filling his ass… that’s probably enough of an explanation.

He figures it’s probably a good sign that they’re ready to really start.

He pats Hyunjin’s hip, drawing his attention, big eyes looking up at his face from where the other boy is curled cutely into his narrow chest. He smiles brightly down at him, even as he swallows some embarrassment before pulling out his best pet voice, “okay, Jinnie! Go get your toy!”

Hyunjin beams, scrambling to pull himself onto his hands and knees while wearing the mitts, the plug still sitting solidly inside of him - tail wagging with each movement. He’s pretty clumsy as he quickly crawls away, neither his mitts nor his knee pads gripping well on the smooth hard floors of their living room. It’s cute as _fuck_ , and something about Hyunjin clumsily scrambling across the floor, his tail whipping behind him… it’s _hot_ as fuck, too... but Seungmin carefully files the thought away for later that they should look into ways to add some traction to them if they’re going to be playing like this again, just to be safe.

For now, Hyunjin retrieves the brand new, carefully washed, rubber squeaky toy from his “dog bed” - another nest of blankets they’d arranged. He hunches down and grips the little bone-shaped toy between his teeth, turning to Seungmin with smiling eyes and -

He’s _wiggling_ his hips to make the tail wag.

Fuck.

Seungmin bites back how he’s actually feeling about that, keeping his smile bright and happy as he pats his thighs, “good boy! Bring it here!”

Hyunjin crawls back across the floor, motions ungainly in his pads despite his eagerness, and, yeah, there’s definitely something about that that gets to Seungmin… but he likes tying Hyunjin up so seeing his movement so restricted probably isn’t that huge of a stretch. He doesn’t have all that much time to consider it before he suddenly has a lapful of excited puppy… _very_ excited puppy… Hyunjin’s big cock is bobbing between his thighs as he squirms, the heavy swing of it cutely contrasting with that of the lightweight tail behind him… so, at least he’s not the only one affected… as if this information doesn’t just go straight to his own dick.

He feels his smile falter for just a second as he forces himself to tamp that down.

They literally _just_ started.

He holds his hand out under Hyunjin’s chin, his other hand moving to rub at the soft skin of his back, affectionately. “Drop it!”

Hyunjin cutely ducks his head to set the slightly spit-slicked toy in Seungmin’s palm, pulling back with a radiant smile, eyes crinkled up adorably. Seungmin kisses his forehead, can’t help himself.

Seungmin tosses the toy a few feet away, and their game settles into a rhythm. Seungmin throws the toy just out of reach and watches as Hyunjin scrambles to retrieve it for him, his muscles flexing from the unusual range of motions, hard cock bobbing between his thighs, ass clenching around his plug as the tail wags behind him, breaths coming faster and faster the more times Seungmin makes him chase after the now slippery bone.

When he crawls into Seungmin’s lap the next time, his chest is heaving, panting around the shiny rubber toy, skin glistening with sweat, arms shaking lightly as he rests his mitted paws on Seungmin’s shoulders. Seungmin beams, running both hands through his tousled hair, messing it up even more before carefully readjusting his puppy ears, straightening them over Hyunjin’s wild hair.

Hyunjin watches his face as he does, obediently dropping his toy when asked, still looking into Seungmin’s eyes adoringly, lips pulling into a tight smile that makes his dimples flash adorably. Seungmin can’t help but coo. 

“Awh, who’s a good boy, Jinnie?” Hyunjin absolutely _beams_ , burying his sweaty, drooling face in Seungmin’s neck, nuzzling into him affectionately. He’s so fucking _cute_ like this, Seungmin could scream.

Hyunjin’s still hyper from their game, obviously still turned on by it, too, but Seungmin’s ass went numb ages ago. He presses at Hyunjin’s shoulders lightly, trying to encourage him to get off, but Hyunjin just squeezes closer, knocking Seungmin’s back into the couch and startling a laugh out of him. “Jinnie, down!”

His tone is still in that cutesy pet voice, but it doesn’t seem to soften the blow as Hyunjin pouts and sulks as he climbs off him - literally too fucking adorable for his own good. He pats the older boy’s head for good measure, cooing at his glum expression. 

His ass is genuinely very sore from sitting on the floor for so long, but it feels good to stand and stretch… and Hyunjin somehow looks even better when Seungmin’s looking down on him like this, when he can really appreciate the arch in his toned back, the precious expression on his face as he cranes his head up to look at him... He decides to throw the toy a few more times so he can appreciate watching Hyunjin scramble after it from this new angle, but he can tell the poor puppy’s getting tired. His muscles are shaking and he’s absolutely soaked in sweat, even if that gorgeous smile never leaves his lips, or if he refuses to stop wagging his tail for Seungmin, his whole body rocking with the movement.

So Seungmin plops down on the couch, mentally placing where they are in their plans for this first short scene. He hadn’t exactly counted on Hyunjin getting tired quite so quickly or either of them getting this worked up so soon, but his dick sure isn’t complaining.

It’s a bit hard to gauge where Hyunjin’s head is, how much of his behavior is acting and how much isn’t, but he’s getting more comfortable with conscious Hyunjin drifting away during their scenes, and he trusts him to be okay. He lets himself get distracted by the aching in his dick and the warmth in his chest when Hyunjin pads over and settles between his feet, dropping his chin onto Seungmin’s knee, looking up at him with those big puppy dog eyes.

God, he’s so fucking perfect.

“Awh, is puppy not done playing?” His hand comes up to lazily pet through Hyunjin’s damp, messy hair, petting up over his puppy ears like they’re really a part of him. Hyunjin leans into his touch, whining cutely, body wiggling. “But you’ve worn me out, Jinnie! You’re going to have to figure something out yourself.”

There’s something about that lie that excites him for some reason. Seungmin’s barely lifted a finger since they began, and poor Hyunjin is sweating buckets between his knees, but he’s still going to lean back and not do a single thing to help… and the way Hyunjin’s face falls, his body jerking up and shifting anxiously, his emotions so raw and open, a pitiful whine tearing from his throat…

Seungmin’s dick shouldn’t twitch, but it absolutely does.

“Sorry, puppy, there’s nothing I can do!” Another lie in that same sweet, teasing pet voice.

Hyunjin whimpers, raising one mitted paw to rest on the cushion between Seungmin’s thighs -

“Jinnie, _no_ ,” Seungmin says sternly, turning his eyebrows down dramatically, pointing a finger at the wide eyed boy before him, “puppies are _not_ allowed on the furniture.”

Hyunjin’s face absolutely crumbles and he quickly snatches his paw away, a low whine droning…

Seungmin doesn’t need to see to know that Hyunjin’s useless, bulky hands are at his aching dick, but he sits up just enough to confirm, anyway… and also because the sight of Hyunjin pressing desperate and helpless at his big leaking cock is just too good to miss, but he _pretends_ to be disinterested, unamused.

“Is that how good puppies behave, Jinnie?” He cocks his head to the side, holding eye contact with Hyunjin as the poor boy’s face flushes, teeth digging into his lower lip as he drags his hands away, pressing them into his thighs until the skin underneath goes white. “What’s gotten into you, pup? Are you really _that_ desperate?”

Hyunjin whimpers pitifully, lips trembling, entire body shaking as he looks up at Seungmin.

Fucking _beautiful_.

Seungmin sighs dramatically, slumping back on the couch, acting as put out as possible… acting like his dick isn’t straining painfully against his fly. “What am I going to do with you?”

He watches Hyunjin, lets him sit with the humiliation, lets him wait - cock trembling between his thighs as he shifts and squirms restlessly. It’s intoxicating, and Seungmin is just barely holding himself back from throwing Hyunjin on the floor and fucking him right now, but he doesn’t. It’ll be worth it.

“Fine… I guess if you’re really _that_ needy…” He sticks one leg out a bit, jostling Hyunjin’s hip as he does. He gestures down at it lazily, face still carefully schooled into an unimpressed expression. “Make it quick.”

Hyunjin’s eyes widen almost comically, and he stumbles over himself in his tractionless gear to swing one shaky thigh over Seungmin’s ankle. His mitted hands cross just behind Seungmin’s knee, bunching up the fabric of his corduroys as he shuffles closer, hunching his long body up, spreading his legs wide... until his neglected cock can press along the hard line of Seungmin’s shin.

Hyunjin _is_ desperate. He doesn’t hold back his strength at all, gripping Seungmin’s leg tightly for leverage as he snaps his hips forward, grinding his leaking dick roughly into the younger man’s pant leg. Seungmin has to brace himself to keep from sliding down the cushion, clenching his hands into the fabric to ground himself because _holy fucking shit_.

Hyunjin’s forehead ends up resting just above Seungmin’s knee, his entire body scrunched up and tense as he chases his pleasure, so relieved to have any sort of outlet after being denied. His knee pads keep slipping on the smooth floor, making his rhythm even more erratic and frantic, making his grip on Seungmin’s leg tighten even more as he tries desperately to stay close. His pathetic whines and cries fill the room, racketing up in intensity as his hips rock faster and faster.

Seungmin’s going to fucking lose it.

The hot pressure against his shin, the way Hyunjin’s strong body is gripping him, the fact that _Hyunjin is getting off by humping his fucking leg_. He can’t imagine that the fabric, no matter how soft it is under Seungmin’s hands, feels good rubbing that roughly against Hyunjin’s cock, but the older man is shaking and grinding on it like it’s the best thing in the world. 

Fucking _hell_.

His hand grips down on his erection through his pants, his socked foot bracing uneasily on the ground as Hyunjin clumsily scrambles, hips working desperately, all his muscles tensing and tightening -

He jerks like he was electrocuted as he cums, his release soaking into the already pre-cum dampened corduroy fabric… aftershocks are still rolling through his body when Seungmin caves, fucking overwhelmed. His shaking hands claw open the closures in the front of his pants, yanking them open just wide enough to, tugging his underwear down just far enough that he can free his aching dick.

He’s so _fucking_ turned on.

His free hand buries itself in Hyunjin’s sweaty hair, pulling the shaking boy up and making him look at him. “Look at the _mess_ you made.” His cutesy pet voice is completely abandoned, and he doesn’t even know what he’s saying, can’t even think. Thank god Hyunjin doesn’t seem to need much guidance.

The rules are completely forgotten as Hyunjin leans his upper body on the cushions and sucks Seungmin’s aching dick into his mouth, taking it all the way down his tight throat in just a few bobs. The feeling and sight of Hyunjin's gorgeous, swollen lips pressing around the base of his cock is too much.

He cums right down Hyunjin’s throat and the puppy swallows every drop like the good boy he is.

\---

“So, about last night…”

Seungmin blinks, still not fully awake, attention turning from his bowl of cereal to where Hyunjin is leaning across the other side of the counter, watching him with a small smile, “yeah?”

“I liked that… like, _a lot_.”

Seungmin snorts, “Yeah, Jinnie, I noticed.” 

“Okay, listen-“

Seungmin cocks an eyebrow. “I’m listening?”

Hyunjin whines, even as a grin splits across his face. “Shut _up_.”

Seungmin just laughs, turning back to his bowl as he waits for Hyunjin to go on.

“It made me think though…” Hyunjin eventually continues, worrying his lower lip between his thumb and forefinger, even as a smile tugs at the corners of his mouth. “You know how you said I should consider domming?”

“… yes.” Seungmin does vaguely remember making that comment at some point...

“What if… we tried again… but _you_ were my puppy this time.”

Seungmin’s eyebrows shoot up, spoon clattering loudly into his almost-empty bowl, sloshing sugary milk and the soggy remains of Special K everywhere. “You want me to act like a _puppy_ for you?”

Hyunjin’s pout intensifies. “You told me I shouldn’t be embarrassed about it! Plus, you seemed to be enjoying yourself!”

“Yeah, Hyunjin I liked when you were a puppy for me, that doesn’t mean I’d like being a puppy for you.”

“Seungmin, you said you’d be openminded-“

“That’s different-“

“You _also_ said that I should think about not being submissive. This is me thinking about it.”

“You-“ Seungmin rubs at his eyes, displacing his glasses. It’s _way_ too early for this conversation. “I don’t think puppy play is something you can just _do_ unless you’re really into it. It works for you because… because you _are_ a puppy, it’s easy.”

Hyunjin frowns, shoving his overgrown fringe up off his face. “You said you’d be openminded.”

“It’s not an openminded thing, it’s just – I really don’t think I could do it, Jin.”

Hyunjin considers him, lips pressed together, but he gives in, sighing as he gets to work fixing his own breakfast. “Shame, I just think you’d look _awfully_ cute wearing my tail…”

“You – you want me to use your tail… your butt plug tail.”

“You say that like it’d be the first time we’ve shared toys-“

“Oh my god, that was _one_ time and it’s your fault for buying me the same one you bought yourself-“

“You _also_ say that like you haven’t been putting your dick in the same place that plug was every night for over a week now.”

Seungmin has to pause at that for a moment because… fair. “That doesn’t change the fact that it’s a _plug_ , which was more of what I was getting at in the first place.”

“Oh,” Hyunjin’s brows furrow for a moment, “I actually forgot that was one of your limits…”

“We’ve talked about this-“

“Yeah, I know, you don’t think you’ll like it so you don’t even wanna try…” Hyunjin sighs dramatically.

“Oh my god-“

“So, no puppy play and no bottoming for me…” Hyunjin’s obviously joking now, but it still strikes a nerve in Seungmin for some reason.

“I never said I wouldn’t do it ever, I just haven’t… yet…” Seungmin avoids Hyunjin’s eyes, “besides, that’s still not even the point, really. I don’t think this is something we should like… mess with the rolls on. I don’t really know how to explain, but it just feels… wrong, I don’t know. I can try subbing for you, just… not with this.”

Seungmin genuinely doesn’t know how to explain the knee-jerk reaction he had to the suggestion. It’s not about subbing… he’s pretty sure, at least, but something about imaging Hyunjin putting a collar around his neck-

No… that just doesn’t feel right. Even if he’s not sure why.

“... Am I allowed to push on that first part?” Seungmin glances up at Hyunjin’s face, noting the shift in his tone. Hyunjin looks serious, genuine… Seungmin knows he could say no and Hyunjin would drop it… so, he’s not really sure why he nods instead.

Hyunjin grabs him a paper towel for the mess he made on the counter top, carefully continuing, “I know we’ve talked about this… before everything… and I never want to pressure you, even if I joke, sometimes… I just… you know, I worry that you gravitate towards bottom partners and it’s just… you know, it’s just gonna make it harder if you do ever want to do it… I just think you should get it out of the way.”

Seungmin’s voice feels small, “I know.” This is so not a conversation for seven in the morning. “I want to… eventually… it’s just… scary.” He tries laughing to lighten the mood, a little, but he’s pretty sure it falls somewhat flat.

“Yeah… it doesn’t have to be, though…” Hyunjin looks like he feels just as awkward and vulnerable as Seungmin does. “Just think about it okay?”

“I will.”

\---

Seungmin does think about it.

It’s not that he feels like he _has_ to try bottoming or subbing or any of it... He knows there’s nothing wrong with being an exclusive top or only ever domming during scenes… he knows that’s what he likes, and if he really doesn’t want to try anything else, that’s okay.

But he does want to try. A small part of him does, at least.

It’s just that… logically, he doesn’t _want_ to be the type of person that won’t do something like that if his partner wants him to. He wants to be flexible and adaptable, wants to be able to give them whatever will make them happy. It’s just… actually doing that is _hard_. Hyunjin, and pretty much everyone else in his life, have called him a control freak plenty of times before - with varying levels of seriousness - and it’s not far off.

The thought of giving up control is scary.

And he knows that he can still be in control as the bottom, obviously, and that bottoming isn’t the same as subbing, that he doesn’t need to do both of them together; logically, he knows all of this. He’s just never let himself really get far enough to consider any of this for too long and… that’s kind of the _issue_ . He doesn’t _want_ to be a control freak. He doesn’t _want_ to be scared of doing any of it.

And he knows that Hyunjin is right, that the longer he lets himself be scared, lets himself avoid it, the harder it’ll be later.

But it’s not like he hasn’t _tried_ , even if Hyunjin doesn’t necessarily know that. He's fingered himself before... and hasn't really been able to get the hype even if he's assured it's better with someone else. A he looks… the way that he does, and people expect things because of that. So, there was a time that he tried to embrace that - hence his attempts to experiment with anal, at all - but he just… couldn’t... not with another person. He really thought he could with Changbin, and they really did get close, but Seungmin panicked and backed out at the last minute, like he always does. He really thought he could do it, thought that - at the time - he trusted Changbin enough… even now, he still doesn’t know what exactly went wrong then, but he can definitely still remember the humiliation of having to stop. He’d just felt so _weak_ , no matter how many times Changbin had kissed him and told him it was okay, that he didn’t have to, that he was happy with how things were… it didn’t matter. And it didn’t help when things between them fell apart so suddenly, and Seungmin was left clinging onto every possible reason he could think of, any explanation, and the fact that he wouldn’t bottom for him definitely made the list...

He doesn’t _want_ to be like that, even if he _knows_ that there's not anything wrong with it, that he shouldn’t push himself to do something that makes him uncomfortable just to make someone else happy... or to make them stay. And that’d be easy if it was something that felt reasonable to him; he’s put his foot down on plenty of things before and not batted an eye, but this feels different… But then it’s hard because he doesn’t know if that’s because he thinks that if he could just let go he might actually enjoy it or if it’s just because there’s always been this pressure from the people around him, his past partners… always a look of surprise when they find out that he tops, that he doesn’t want to just lay back and let himself be fucked.

Him and Changbin worked so well - or, at least, Seungmin thought they did - in part because Changbin wasn’t like that. He knew what it felt like to have expectations about his sexual preferences be put on him just because he looks a certain way. He always got it. 

And Hyunjin is a lot like that, too, in a way. This all started because his partners didn’t care enough about what he wanted, made assumptions and didn’t care enough to learn differently… Hyunjin’s always so giving, and that was always his problem, that people would take advantage of that. And now he’s giving with _Seungmin_... and Seungmin wants to be giving in return… 

Well, fuck.

Seungmin trusts him. He knows he does. Probably more than he’s ever trusted anyone before.

Seungmin thinks about it. 

And then he keeps thinking when all that thinking does is make him more confused… because the more he thinks… the more he realizes that he might actually really want that, might even be able to _do_ that… with Hyunjin...

But that alone is pretty scary.

\---

“Get up, loser, we’re going out.”

Seungmin blinks up at Hyunjin, his Child Psychopathology reading and notes quickly forgotten at the sight of his best friend and fuckbuddy standing shirtless in his doorway, all tanned skin and broad shoulders and soft definition. He has a small, self-satisfied smile on his face as his hands begins undoing the drawstring of the baggy sweatpants he’d probably worn to class. Seungmin’s eyebrows shoot up, a question on his face that he can’t quite find the words for with Hyunjin stripping casually in front of him.

His friend’s grin widens. “Jisung’s frat’s throwing a party, we’re going. Wear those leather pants I bought you last year and… ooh, that one black button down that’s a little flowy- wait, did I steal that from you? Fuck it, I’ll just bring you something from my closet-”

“That sounds awful.”

“Too bad! Since I can’t fuck anyone else, you get to be my designated horny drunk cuddle buddy! Lucky you!” Hyunjin sing-songs as he promptly drops his sweatpants where he stands, leaving them in Seungmin’s doorway as he turns and pads across the hall to his room in nothing but his Calvins.

Unbelievable.

Despite his many protests, his tired body, his pile of readings and research and assignments, Hyunjin still manages to force him into a pair of dumb faux leather pants he’d forgotten Hyunjin had even given to him and, after much negotiation, the blousy black top that he’d definitely only worn once… for a date with Changbin, but it still manages to be a step up from the bright colors Hyunjin was trying to put him in and it’s not like he’s going to willingly bring up his ex after their discussion just last night. He can’t talk his way out of the showy, waist-cinching belt or the wallet chain that doesn’t even function as a wallet chain or the dark eyeliner Hyunjin carefully applies for him. He _does_ manage to keep the rest of his face mostly bare, his hair only loosely styled, his shoes as casual and comfy as possible after Hyunjin vetoes his converse – a pair of Chelsea boots he usually reserves for interviews and presentations, but has surprisingly good arch support… he figures it could be worse.

Hyunjin’s very good at getting what he wants out of Seungmin, and the way his eyes keep darting down the younger man’s body is a nice little ego boost.

And, yeah, Seungmin really did not plan on leaving the apartment tonight, but it’s hard to keep sulking when they’re pregaming and Hyunjin’s blasting Doja Cat and taking thirty hours to do his makeup because he keeps giggling at Seungmin’s face in the mirror. Seungmin probably would have never gone to a college party if it wasn’t for Hyunjin, and he could admit that they were fun sometimes. He hasn’t been out in a while and Changbin never liked them so he’s a bit out of practice, but yeah… getting drunk sounds nice.

And Jisung’s brothers were all pretty chill the few times Seungmin had met them. Jisung is more Hyunjin’s friend than his, but he’d sat with some of them in the dining hall before.

They’re fine, and Hyunjin happily rattled off a list of friends and acquaintances he’s pretty sure would be there as he finally pulls some clothes on and… shit.

Seungmin knows how Hyunjin dresses for parties, knows how Hyunjin chose to dress him for the night, _and_ he’s been hanging out with the older man in nothing but his underwear for almost an hour… somehow his outfit of choice still manages to make Seungmin stare. He’s never seen this particular one before and… _man_ . His dark charcoal top, made of a similar flowy fabric to Seungmin’s own, is cut into a _deep_ , stylish v cut that goes halfway to his navel _at least_ , leaving so much tan skin still on display. It’s tucked carefully into black pants tight and clingy enough that they contour obscenely to his thick thighs and make the round curve of Hyunjin's ass look fucking _irresistible_. He finishes it off with a series of rings on his hands, jewelry in his ears, and two necklaces, one bearing a large gothic cross that hangs down into the subtle crevice between his pecs, the other is a thin and delicate chain that clings much closer to his throat. He styles his hair into a messy part and… wow, it’s taking a hell of a lot of self control not to fucking _jump_ him.

From the grin his staring earns him, he figures that was the point.

Brat.

So Seungmin makes it a point _not_ to look.

Not that Hyunjin makes it very easy… at all. He’s his usual, clingy self the entire chilly walk across campus to Greek Row, hands brushing over the flimsy fabric on Seungmin’s arms, grip squeezing at his waist to pull him closer, face leaning in a bit too close to be purely platonic when they speak. Even when a relieved Jisung drags them deep into the crowded frat house, barely giving them time to collect some jungle juice from the kitchen before they’re deposited in a slightly less suffocating side room, Hyunjin keeps his body pressed close to Seungmin’s, and when it came time to squeeze onto the little couch between Felix and some bright-eyed, smiley kid he’d never met, Hyunjin opts instead to push him into the free spot and then settle his larger body comfortably in Seungmin’s lap, plush ass pressing right down on his dick with just the right amount of pressure.

Fucking brat.

If their friends think anything of it, they don’t say anything for once. It’s pretty apparent that they were a little late, so their first cups of whatever disgusting amalgamation of liquids the frat was trying to pass off as jungle juice don’t last long as they try to catch up. Hyunjin’s weight feels nice on his body, even though he’s definitely shifting around like that on _purpose_ , and then he volunteers to get them more alcohol which leaves Seungmin sitting there, front suddenly chilled with the absence of Hyunjin’s body heat, trying to shift as subtly as possible so the bulge in his dumb leather pants isn’t too noticeable.

He thinks he mostly pulls it off; it helps that everyone else is pretty close to drunk already.

He, Felix, and the kid who introduced himself as Jeongin chat for a bit. Jeongin is apparently a newly declared photography major, so that’s cool. They’re both pretty far gone, but it’s kind of amusing. Felix’s warm, alcohol clumsy body leans heavily against his side, and Seungmin thinks, not for the first time, that if Changbin wasn’t a mutual friend and… if it weren’t for his current, though temporary, thing with Hyunjin, he might have a chance with the cute foreign exchange student, but he pushes those thoughts away. Too many complicating factors for now. Besides, he definitely doesn’t miss the way Felix’s eyes immediately lock on Chan as he comes through the door, laughing loudly at something Hyunjin said.

Hyunjin, who’s leaning into his side, smiling down at the upperclassman brightly.

Seungmin tells himself the only reason he cares Hyunjin’s all over his former hookup is because he was the one to break the fall when they inevitably defined the relationship and Hyunjin realized that Chan was just like every other guy that didn’t want anything beyond a spot in his bed whenever the mood struck. Hyunjin was really broken up over him for a while… but it was ultimately fine. Chan is a good friend in every other way, which is probably why they’re so comfortable around each other… not because Hyunjin’s wanting to do anything with him, again… or maybe he is and maybe Seungmin doesn’t have any right to get upset about that. Like… the agreement… but it’s not like Seungmin’s his _boyfriend_.

So, he’s not mad or upset or whatever he’s supposed to call the emotion that definitely hasn’t settled heavy and uncomfortable in his chest when Hyunjin barely presses his flimsy cup into his hand before his eyes are back on Chan… when it’s Chan’s lap he settles in… when it's Chan’s hand that rests comfortably on Hyunjin’s waist. Definitely not.

He also doesn’t do something dumb and petty and mean like lean closer into Felix’s space to try to get Hyunjin’s attention back. Absolutely not.

He registers weakly, somewhere in the back of his mind, that this is all part of Hyunjin’s game. It has to be. And it makes sense. He’s trying to make Seungmin jealous… which he’s not.

He’s _not_.

Hyunjin’s not _his_ to be jealous over.

So, he’s not.

He asks Felix how he and Jeongin met… again, because he knows they told him, but he doesn’t remember, and his brain can’t come up with anything else to ask. Besides, Felix’s giggle is cute, and the two of them are happy to animatedly recount the tale a second time… something about a PC Bang and some game Seungmin’s fairly sure he’s never heard of and a spilled cup of ramyeon… he is actually trying to pay attention, but then Felix’s hand slides onto his thigh and just rests there and… man, his hand is cute. He’d never really noticed that before. He also hadn’t noticed what Felix is wearing until he realizes that a patch of his sleeve is sheer and… oh, a lot of his shirt is sheer… Seungmin has a few other words a bit beyond cute that he’d like to use to describe that.

He glances back up at Hyunjin who’s giggling at something Chan said, and Seungmin pretends he doesn’t see Chan’s eyes slip down to Hyunjin’s exposed chest. He’s not feeling jealous about that, and he’s also not feeling guilty about noticing Felix. If Hyunjin wants to spend his time with someone else, that’s fine; Seungmin can do the same.

It’s fine.

He meets Felix’s smile with one of his own. He can feel Jeongin shifting a bit at his other side, but he doesn’t really care that they’re kind of ignoring him, now. The alcohol’s starting to warm him up, making everything feel a little too slow and too fast at the same time, and Felix is leaning in to whisper something in his ear-

“Are you trying to make Hyunjin jealous?”

Oh.

“What makes you say that?” It comes out smoother than he feels, a couple of negative emotions settling in his stomach as he realizes he was caught… kind of. Felix is really cute, and Seungmin _has_ kind of been interested… but, yeah, he never had any intention of acting on that before tonight. Plus, Felix shouldn’t know that there’s any reason for any kind of jealousy between him and Hyunjin at all. Damn.

“Nothing… I just think that, you know, if that’s what you _are_ trying to do, it’s working.” Felix doesn’t sound upset, maybe a little amused, and he definitely giggles when Seungmin’s eyes immediately slide over his shoulder to meet Hyunjin’s. Seungmin’s known Hyunjin for a long time, but the look he’s given is hard to read. It’s definitely not happy, though, even as he remains cuddled in Chan’s lap. Seungmin’s feeling a little too slow at the moment to process that. “It’s okay,” Felix continues, and Seungmin’s gaze flicks back to him, guilty despite his words, “I’m kind of trying to make Chan jealous, too, honestly… I don’t think I’m doing as well as you are, though.”

Oh, that makes sense, and, given the way Chan’s attention still seems to be very occupied with Hyunjin, probably a fair assessment. Seungmin looks into his eyes and tries to decide if he and Felix are close enough for him to tell the other boy that he should find someone who’ll give him the attention he deserves, or if he’s tipsy enough not to care how close they are, but Hyunjin doesn’t give him the chance. He’s suddenly leaning into their space, a pouty Chan now sitting alone over Felix’s shoulder, “Alcohol break! Come with me!” The cheery tone in Hyunjin’s voice is off, his hand fisting a bit too tightly in the loose fabric of Seungmin’s sleeve. Felix giggles, leaning back to let Hyunjin pull him up, and something on the older boy’s tense face softens a bit. “Hey Felix, make sure you’re drinking water, okay?” Everyone’s soft for Felix. Even a… jealous… Hyunjin.

Seungmin manages to squeak out an awkward “you deserve better, be safe,” as Hyunjin begins tugging him away from the couch. He hears a meek “I’ve got him,” from Jeongin, and that helps him relax a little. He should buy the kid a coffee or something, he seems nice.

That thought’s kind of hard to focus on for long with Hyunjin leading him through the press of crowded bodies, the ungiving fabric of his shirt pulled taut against his skin, the lights and motion around him making him feel just a bit off center. It occurs to him that Hyunjin might actually be mad, but… no, he started it. He _shouldn’t_ be mad, at least. He really hopes he isn’t. Hyunjin tugging him around like this might be doing something to him he doesn’t really have the brain power for at the moment. His dick certainly hopes Hyunjin isn’t actually mad.

There’s a brief moment after Hyunjin’s drags him into one of the first floor bathrooms, when he pins Seungmin’s back against the door just a little too roughly, that he thinks something like ‘oh fuck, he’s actually mad,’ but then Hyunjin’s glossy lips are crashing into his own.

The kiss is brutal, desperate, bruising; Hyunjin’s hands tug so sharply at Seungmin’s shirt. He vaguely wonders if it’ll rip, but it’s difficult to focus on _anything_ when he’s a little tipsy and Hyunjin’s stealing the breath straight from his lungs and there’s so much bare _skin_ under his hands. His lips trail kisses from Hyunjin’s lips, along his jaw, and down his neck until he finds the spot that really makes the older man squirm and bites, letting his teeth drag harshly along the other man’s skin. The choked off moan it earns him is fucking _pornographic_ , and Seungmin can’t get enough, could never get enough.

His hand cups the other side of Hyunjin’s neck as he roughly alternates between biting and sucking, fascinated by the way the tendons twitch and flex under his mouth at the slightest movement of the body underneath him. Hyunjin’s having a hard time staying still, his hands tugging insistently at Seungmin’s shirt, body pressing and grinding along his front, pinning him back against the door roughly. He works his knee in between Hyunjin’s, his thigh pressing up, and Hyunjin’s heavy body practically collapses on him, hips working faster and faster as he buries his face in Seungmin’s shoulder.

It’s so fucking dirty and _fast_. Seungmin’s aching in his stupid leather pants, but Hyunjin’s falling apart in his arms, already. His pace is losing its tempo as he whines, breathy and needy against Seungmin’s neck, his fingers digging bruises into the younger man’s waist as he loses control.

“Feel good?” Seungmin’s words are breathless, and it’s so hard to think with Hyunjin’s insistent, desperate body crushing him against the unforgiving wood at his back, but _fuck_ , it’s so hot. The loud, broken whine at his collarbone has his head thumping back against the door, and he can’t find it in himself to drag this out. “Cum for me, baby.”

And, fuck, Hyunjin does, crying out against the slick skin of Seungmin’s shoulder where his collar’s been knocked askew, his entire body tensing and shuddering against the younger man’s, almost violently. He came in his fucking pants, just like that, from riding Seungmin’s thigh after spending the last half-hour in another man’s lap. The tinge of anger from earlier settles back in Seungmin’s stomach as Hyunjin’s body deflates against his, panting harshly.

Part of him wants to just give in and rut against Hyunjin’s hot, pliant body, just like this, but fuck, he’s been such a fucking brat all night. “On your knees.”

He shouldn’t be surprised when Hyunjin follows the order immediately, knows he was probably waiting for it, but _fuck_. Hyunjin’s a fucking mess when he looks up at Seungmin, eyes glossy and a hint unfocused, makeup slightly smudged, skin flushed, Seungmin’s bruise already purpling on his neck, hair sticking to his forehead in places and standing out in a complete mess in others. His wide neckline has fallen off one shoulder, and half of his sweaty, heaving chest is on display in the too bright lights of the bathroom, his dumb cross necklaces glinting with every movement.

Seungmin wants to fucking devour him.

“Were you trying to piss me off?” His voice is rough, and Seungmin hadn’t even realized where his headspace had slipped into until that moment. He feels angry and powerful, and he’s completely hyper focused on Hyunjin, on his knees in front of him, looking up with that purposely wide-eyed expression he got when he knew he’d misbehaved. “Did you drag me out here just so you could flirt with fucking _Chan_ right in front of me?”

“I’m sor-“

“No, you’re not.” Seungmin’s eyes don’t leave Hyunjin’s face as he unfastens the dumb leather pants, not even bothering to remove them or his underwear, shoving them just out of the way so he can pull out his dick. He’s so fucking hard, blood pulsing under his palm as he fists it. Hyunjin’s eyes break from his to look at it, mouth dropping open slightly. The fingers of Seungmin’s free hand fist in his hair harshly, tugging his head back so he’s forced to look up at him. “Is this what you wanted so badly? Wanted me to put you on your knees in a fucking frat house bathroom?”

Hyunjin doesn’t flinch, doesn’t miss a beat, “You didn’t seem to mind with Felix keeping you company.”

“I should just fucking leave your slutty ass here and go fuck Felix instead.” Seungmin doesn’t mean it. He knows he doesn’t mean it, and he knows it’s mean and not fair to either Hyunjin or Felix to say it, but he doesn’t stop it from coming out in time. He winces reflexively, but Hyunjin’s eyes are already going wide and a bit panicked and fuck. “Color?”

Hyunjin hesitates. There’s an entire moment of silence before he answers. “Green.”

Something in his chest tightens, and… Seungmin feels weird. They’re doing this all wrong, hadn’t even formally started a scene or anything and it just feels… off… and not good. “Are you sure?”

The fact that he even has to ask that feels wrong. This feels wrong. He shouldn’t have said that. Shouldn’t have let himself slip into dom space when they’re in public and he knew he was feeling weird about Hyunjin flirting with someone else, when he’s definitely a little tipsy and, _fuck_ , he should _know_ better.

“Yes.” Hyunjin doesn’t hesitate this time, but Seungmin suddenly can’t shake this bad feeling. He lets go of Hyunjin’s sweaty hair, his own dick, feeling grossed out by how hard it is for no understandable reason, but he’s already getting softer anyway as his anxiety spikes… he wants to step back, but the door’s still behind him and he can’t get the distance he needs. “Seung?”

He laughs shakily; he has no idea what’s happening, but he’s _spiralling_. This is so not like him. Not like him at all. He feels gross and just… wrong as he shakily shoves his softening dick back in his pants, trying to get a grip on the panicky feeling in his chest, the mess of swirling thoughts and emotions clouding his mind.

“Seungmin… what’s your color?” That has him bursting in a fit of giggles for no reason at all. He’s never been asked what _his_ color is before.

“Uhm,” He giggles; he can’t look at Hyunjin’s face, “yellow, I think.”

He feels… bad. Just wrong and awful and like he’s completely out of control and this has _never_ happened before and he doesn’t know what to do, but he can’t stop laughing and Hyunjin’s pulling himself up next to him, but Seungmin can’t look at him because what the fuck is even wrong with him? It’s like… he felt so good just a second ago, and now there’s just… a mess in his brain. Jealousy from earlier and guilt about that dumb empty threat, frustration with himself for letting this happen, progressing into a scene without discussing anything first. He just… he needs to breathe and think, but he _can’t_.

“Seungmin…” Hyunjin’s touch on his arm is so tentative, nervous. What the fuck is even happening? “Seungmin, I think this is a red.”

It’s not until Hyunjin’s hands are gently cupping his face that he registers that there are _tears_ on his cheeks. He doesn’t know- what the fuck is he supposed to do? This is all just _so wrong_.

“It’s okay,” Hyunjin’s voice is so soft, gentle, and his touch is even more so as he guides Seungmin’s face slowly to his shoulder. “I’m here, I’ve got you.”

Seungmin’s… in shock… or something. He can’t believe this is happening. His brain is a fucking mess and he can’t think. He just lets Hyunjin guide his body, even as it takes a while for his mind to catch up. Hyunjin’s shoulder is still bare, and his skin is warm against Seungmin’s cheekbone. He rests there for a moment, letting Hyunjin carefully pull him closer, warring with the voice in his head that’s screaming at him to get away, that he doesn’t deserve this, that he needs to pull himself together and sort through his shit before he can even think about being around the man he just started having a… a _breakdown_ in front of…

The voice doesn’t win against his sudden crushing need to just… let Hyunjin hold him. His arms lock around the older boy’s shoulders, pulling him in tightly, his face burying in Hyunjin’s neck. He’s crying… not quite _sobbing_ , but his breathing is wet and choppy against warm skin.

Hyunjin holds him for a long time, whispering soft, meaningless words into his sweaty hair, eventually guiding his body down to curl up on the linoleum floor of the frat house bathroom. Seungmin is beyond caring, crying quietly until his tears run out and he just sits silently in Hyunjin’s arms, staring at a piece of tile on the wall as he tries to force his still slightly drunk brain to sort through what the fuck just happened.

\---

Seungmin feels like shit when he wakes up the next morning in Hyunjin’s bed.

He didn’t drink that much, relatively, but he fell asleep in his party outfit and makeup and sweat from last night and wakes up feeling sticky and greasy and gross with Hyunjin’s equally sticky, greasy, gross body splayed out half on top of him. His head is foggy in a way that it can only be after a drunk crying session the night before, his face swollen and eyes sore.

Seungmin doesn’t really remember much after his weird breakdown, just bits and pieces of clammy hands rubbing circles into his skin, Hyunjin’s soft voice in his ear, the bathroom cupboard digging uncomfortably into his back, Jisung’s eyes wide and concerned as he’s getting in his personal space, the two of them leaning on each other during their chilly walk across campus… He still doesn’t understand what went wrong, not really, and he spends a good long while trying to sort through it after carefully worming his way out from under Hyunjin’s body and making his way into the shower.

He panicked, that much was obvious. He’d had his anxieties and insecurities about this whole process all along, but… something about last night was different, worse. He’d gone into his dominant headspace at some point, but then… he just snapped out of it.

One of the things that Seungmin loves about being dominant is that he just… gets into this place where he feels good and in control and the anxieties in his mind shut up for once. He just feels great and confident without having to fake it and it’s a crazy amazing feeling… but then he said that dumb thing about Felix, and it was like… he knew he went too far and that fear like… knocked him out of the headspace… so all that was left was every negative emotion from that night and the situation and everything about what they were doing…

It was too much.

So, he broke down… with his dick out… in a fucking _frat bathroom_.

He sinks to the shower floor, letting the warm water wash over his skin as he contemplates the implications of that, what he could learn from it, how he could keep it from happening, again.

The slip-resistant flooring is uncomfortable, and the water eventually grows cold, and that’s how Hyunjin finds him. Seungmin’s pretty taken aback by a very naked, very sleepy Hyunjin pulling the curtain aside, and startles even harder as Hyunjin curses loudly when cold water hits his body.

“Why’s the water so _cold_ ?” His voice is low and raspy from sleep, eyes blinking blearily down at Seungmin’s curled up body. “Why’re you on the _floor_?” Even as he asks, he tucks his own legs under himself in the tiny space, hand fumbling with the faucet to heat the water again. Seungmin just laughs at his grumpy expression, stretching his legs out a bit and throwing them over Hyunjin’s, shifting his weight to try to bring feeling back into his sore ass.

“I was just thinking,” he hums as Hyunjin scrubs wet hands over his makeup-smeared face, just smudging everything more. He curls around Hyunjin’s body because he’s warm and because the physical contact is nice now that they’re both on their way to being less gross. Hyunjin curls an arm around his waist, tugging him close, and it makes him think about how sweet and caring Hyunjin was with him during everything last night. He’d been embarrassed and overwhelmed at the time, but… he has no idea what would have happened if Hyunjin didn’t do exactly what he did, hadn’t taken care of him, comforted him, taken him home…

“How’re you feeling? You had me pretty scared for a while,” Hyunjin murmurs into Seungmin’s wet hair, and the younger boy frowns, burrowing further into Hyunjin’s chest, arms wrapping around his shoulders. The warm spray feels nice against his sore body.

“Sorry, I’m better, now,” he mumbles into Hyunjin’s warm skin, “and I’m sorry for what I said about you… about Felix, I really didn’t mean it, I wouldn’t do that.”

“I know, I didn’t think you would,” Hyunjin’s lips brush against the top of Seungmin’s head when he speaks, “no reason to be sorry.”

“I still am, it was a dick thing to say without discussing first… and I shouldn’t have been flirting with him, or whatever…”

“I’m sorry for flirting with Chan, too… I knew what I was doing, and I definitely should have discussed that with you before doing anything.” Seungmin can hear the genuine regret in Hyunjin’s voice and it makes something in his chest tighten. Hyunjin didn’t do anything wrong; it’s not his fault Seungmin got possessive for literally no reason.

He lets the silence hang for a minute, holding Hyunjin tightly, thinking, not for the first time, about how ridiculously thankful he is to have the older man in his life.

“Thank you for taking care of me.”

“Of course, Seung… literally any time. Seriously.”

They stay curled up under the water until long after both of their hands have pruned and Hyunjin starts squirming and whining about his ass hurting. It’s nice, just taking some time to cuddle, and then helping each other wash away the makeup and grime from the night before. Hyunjin ends up pinning him to the shower wall and jacking them both off, but that’s just par for the course for them at this point, and it feels really great to just relax into it and let Hyunjin make him feel good after the craziness of the past week.

\---

The day passes by in a lazy blur. Seungmin has a lot of reading to do before classes on Monday but cuddling with Hyunjin on the couch and ordering takeout just sounds too nice to resist.

They talk more about what they both did wrong the night before, agreeing to be more open with each other about their plans in the future. Seungmin still feels guilty, like it’s all his fault things went wrong because… it is, but he tries not to let that bother him, letting the conversation shift to some lighthearted gossip, some drama with Hyunjin’s coworkers, some good old-fashioned co-rumination about coursework.

It’s really, _really_ nice to just… relax together.

And it’s nice when relaxation turns into a lazy make-out session on the couch that tastes vaguely like the Thai food they’d just finished. Seungmin’s back is pressed onto the couch cushions, Hyunjin blanketed on top of him, their touches unhurried and gentle. Hyunjin’s latest drama is still playing somewhere in the background, forgotten, as hands brush through soft, un-styled hair and slip up under baggy shirts to press against heated skin, lips and tongues teasing leisurely as the sunlight outside fades.

Neither of them is in a rush to go any further, but it’s only a matter of time before the simple pleasure of the moment pushes over into something a little more urgent. Seungmin moans up into Hyunjin’s swollen, spit-slicked lips as he feels the older boy’s sweatpants fill out against his hip, his own cock gradually becoming more interested in the proceedings, as well.

Hyunjin pulls away from Seungmin’s lips to press slick kisses along his jaw and down his neck, teeth grazing across where he’s most sensitive and sending a shudder down his spine. His fingers curl in Hyunjin’s long hair, his thighs squeezing together, hips shifting unconsciously as the older man nips and sucks at his pulse point, still taking his time even as the outline of his dick grinds more and more insistently against Seungmin’s body.

“Seung,” Hyunjin hums into his slick skin, voice breathy and soft and doing _things_ to him, “will you- mmm will you let me fuck you, tonight?”

Oh.

_Oh._

A week ago, Seungmin would have burst out laughing, maybe even just gotten defensive and shoved Hyunjin off him, but he’s been… thinking about it… _too_ much, honestly… and Hyunjin’s body feels so warm and nice, and… Seungmin knows he can trust him. He keeps thinking about that and reflecting on it, repeating it to himself; he can trust Hyunjin… He’d already decided, basically, and he just feels so _good_ right now. It’s strangely easy to nod his acquiescence, fingers sliding up Hyunjin’s back.

“Wait…” Seungmin whines when Hyunjin pulls away from his neck to look down into his eyes, pouting up at the older man who’s looking down at him surprised. “Fuck, really?”

“Yeah,” Seungmin huffs, cheeks heating, “I’ve thought about it, just… be careful, you know?” The last part comes out a bit more vulnerable than Seungmin intended to let it. There’s a small spark of anxiety in his chest, but it fizzles out quickly when Hyunjin’s hand gently cups his cheek, smiling down at him with a soft expression on his face.

“You’ll really let me?”

Seungmin rolls his eyes, affectionately. “ _Yes_ , don’t make me change my mind-“

His words are cut off by Hyunjin’s soft lips pressing into his own, pulling a small, needy noise from the back of Seungmin’s throat, body arching off the couch just to have the other man closer, but it’s short lived. Hyunjin pulls away and lets out a breathless giggle when Seungmin tries to follow out of instinct. It makes his cheeks flush more than they already were. “We have to do this right-“

“Jin, it’s not a big deal-“

“Yeah, it _is_ ,” Hyunjin shoots back, pressing an affectionate kiss to Seungmin’s cheek, letting their foreheads bump together, “I want it to be good.”

“Fine,” Seungmin sighs, shifting under Hyunjin’s weight, his cock demanding more attention than it’s presently getting, “tell me what to do.”

Hyunjin grins at him, bright and wide, and, if Seungmin’s breath caught, that’s no one’s business but his own. “Bedroom.”

Hyunjin actually ends up pressing him into the bathroom on the way, and Seungmin’s face heats when he realizes why he’s suddenly being left alone. He gets it over with quickly, both out of embarrassment and because he really isn’t in the mood to take a pause, right now; he already misses the feeling of Hyunjin’s body on his, and, man, he’s definitely not willing to let his brain wander. He’s made up his mind and… he _wants_ it. There’s honestly no one else Seungmin could imagine _really_ wanting to do this with; he knows Hyunjin will take care of him and make him feel good like he always does. 

He refuses to overthink it. Not anymore.

Hyunjin’s already in Seungmin’s room, sitting on his bed, fiddling with the bottle of lube Seungmin keeps in his bedside drawer, grinning at him gently as he comes in. He chose not to turn on the overhead lights, instead opting for the soft glow of his lamp, illuminating the room in warm, inviting light. Seungmin doesn’t waste time crossing the floor and pressing him back into the mattress, climbing up into his lap, and kissing the surprised laugh right off his still-swollen lips.

The bottle falls to the mattress, or so Seungmin assumes because Hyunjin’s hands grip firmly at his waist, tugging him down until their hips are flush with one another. It draws an embarrassing, needy noise from Seungmin’s throat, but he barely has time to think about that with Hyunjin guiding his hips as they rock against each other. He lets Hyunjin lead, and it’s kind of nice to just… really embrace taking a backseat. He lets himself get lost in the sensations, warm lips sucking and nipping at his, hands tugging his shirt up and off his body, fingers tracing over the hills and valleys of his ribs, the hot outline of Hyunjin’s cock pressing up against his own.

He whines as he’s gently pushed away, but lets his body be guided, maneuvered over until his back flops onto the sheets, raising his hips dutifully so Hyunjin can tug the slightly sticky sweatpants from his legs. Hyunjin’s own shirt soon joins the pile on the floor, warm light reflecting off the sweat on his tanned skin, making him practically glow between Seungmin’s thighs. “You’re gorgeous.” He’s barely aware of the words, even as they leave his lips, but he _means_ them, with every ounce of his being.

“That’s my line,” Hyunjin protests weakly with a startled grin, warm hands settling on Seungmin’s parted thighs, sliding up closer and closer to where Seungmin really wants them. His back arches when Hyunjin’s fingers curl around his cock, hips twitching, but he’s leaking and aching, and it just feels so good, even if the touch is fleeting as Hyunjin’s hands continue up onto his abdomen. His patience is wearing a bit thin, and he ends up reaching back and grabbing one of his spare pillows on his own, shifting clumsily so he can shove it under his hips.

Hyunjin laughs in surprise, grip squeezing around Seungmin’s waist as he helps him balance and adjust, before he’s thankfully reaching for the bottle of lube that had rolled halfway across the mattress. There’s an itch under Seungmin’s skin, and it’s getting harder and harder to lay back and let Hyunjin set the pace, even as he forces himself too. It’d be easy if the older boy wasn’t going _so slow_.

“You’re sure this is okay?” Hyunjin asks quietly as he uncaps the lube, his eyes flicking up and down Seungmin’s exposed body, gaze heated.

“ _Yes_ , Hyunjin, I’ll tell you if I change my mind,” Seungmin laughs, rolling his eyes and his body at the same time, stretching his arms over his head. He’s posing, can feel Hyunjin’s attention on the long, thin lines of his figure as he arches his back and resettles on the sheets far more dramatically than necessary. He’s taking a page from Hyunjin’s own book and the helpless, needy sound the older man chokes out lets him know it was worth it. He flicks his eyes down to meet Hyunjin’s and bites his lip at the _look_ the older man is giving him, something desperate, almost hungry… it makes Seungmin’s stomach flip in a not unpleasant way, his still very hard, very ignored dick twitching against his abdomen. Moving his hands above his head had been purposeful; it’s hard to resist the urge to touch himself, but he doesn’t want to cum too soon, and that’s a very legitimate worry at the moment. So, he continues to ignore it, watching Hyunjin’s hands as he coats his fingers in lube and waits.

Despite his impatience, despite literally watching Hyunjin move between his thighs, he still startles instinctively when a slick finger brushes against his rim. The older man hums soothingly, moving his fingers in little circles over the sensitive skin as Seungmin tries to breathe and relax. It’s strange… having someone else touch him there, no matter how mentally prepared he thought he was for it. His own… experimentation with this… he didn’t think he could be this sensitive.

His eyes have fallen closed at some point, his breathing purposefully deep and slow. He isn’t… nervous; that’s not the right word for this feeling in his chest.

A little overwhelmed, maybe.

“Ready?” Seungmin forces his muscles to relax, humming softly in affirmation. Hyunjin presses one finger inside slowly, with little fanfare, just… he’s suddenly inside in Seungmin and… it’s weird. Not a bad weird, just… so _different_ from the few times he’d done this himself. He hadn’t really _gotten it_ when it was his own hands, when his body already anticipated every movement and there weren’t any surprises… when he was totally in control of it. Now, he feels hypersensitive to every subtle shift of the finger pressing into him, of how his… his _hole_ feels as something is pressed inside. It’s… overwhelming.

He hadn’t realized that he’d been focusing on how his fingers felt when he did this in the past, that he’d been largely ignoring or blocking out this whole other sensation. It’s the only explanation he can think of to explain why it’s so much more _intense_ with someone else. He can feel every inch of Hyunjin’s finger, hyper aware of the subtle stretch of his body around it, the way the nerves in his rim light up with sensation as it’s slowly redrawn and then pressed back inside. He has a certain fondness of Hyunjin’s hands, but he’s never thought too much about how boney they are until he’s parting around the older man’s prominent knuckles as they slip in and out of him.

Seungmin decides he likes it.

It’s a lot, at first, and not having any control over that, not being able to anticipate what he’s about to feel, never expecting exactly how Hyunjin’s going to move… it’s scary in a way. It’s something so simple and harmless, but he feels… vulnerable. He’s not used to it… but that novelty is also why something so small is able to be so intense.

It’s like his world is shifting around him because there’s probably a lot more there to unpack, things about him he’d never realized before, but he pushes it away for now. He tests out shifting his hips a bit, squirming slightly like Hyunjin always does when he’s the one pressing him open. It’s a strange feeling, Hyunjin’s hand reacting to his movement, jostling inside him.

“You can,” Seungmin clears his throat, his voice sounding strange, “you can add another.”

Hyunjin’s free, clean hand is rubbing up and down one spread leg, thumb brushing along the sensitive skin of his inner thigh, broad palm warm and heavy and grounding. “Okay,” Hyunjin murmurs, just barely more than a whisper. For the first time since they’d really started, Seungmin looks down at him.

His golden skin is flushed in the dim lighting, full lips hanging open, chest rising and falling more deeply than normal. His eyes are locked on the space between Seungmin’s thighs, expression almost… _reverent_ . Something warm rises in Seungmin’s belly, his face heating, and he shifts, clenching down on the finger working its way out of him slowly. Hyunjin _shudders_ , breath hitching, and, _fuck_ . He’s breathtaking, and the knowledge that this is affecting him that much… Seungmin doesn’t have words for this emotion; he just knows he _needs_ him.

“You’re so fucking _tight_ , Minnie,” Hyunjin practically whines, moving so carefully as he begins pressing a second in with the first and… oh.

The feeling of his body stretching around two of Hyunjin’s fingers just drives Seungmin’s need higher. His ankles cross behind Hyunjin’s back, calves pressing against the older man’s sweat-slicked skin, the movement making him tighten around Hyunjin’s fingers as he startles and _fuck_ . Dark, hooded eyes meet his, and Seungmin knows he should just relax and let Hyunjin prep him properly but he just… he just needs… _something._ One of his hands twists in the pillowcase under his head while the other reaches insistently for Hyunjin’s too far body, not even really knowing what he’s asking for. Hyunjin’s startled expression instantly softens, free hand catching Seungmin’s and lacing their fingers together, squeezing reassuringly. It’s not quite _enough_ , but that connection helps ground him, sate him just enough to restore some patience.

Hyunjin really seems to get it, his fingers speeding just enough to move things along without rushing, twisting and thrusting and spreading in Seungmin’s body. Pretty, meaningless, hushed words fall from his lips as he works, soothing over Seungmin’s flushed, hypersensitive skin. He just holds on and watches Hyunjin’s concentrated expression, the way the muscles in his arm flex and shift just under his skin – light catching and dancing with the movement.

Everything is just so much more intense than he expected, and it’s… _good_ , but so different from everything he’s used to, and it’s… a lot. A lot more than he was anticipating or had prepared for… and then Hyunjin’s fingers angle upward just right and a type of pleasure Seungmin’s never felt before blooms in his pelvis. It shocks him, steals his breath; his muscles tighten and squirm outside of his control as a strange tension begins building deep in his body. “That’s-“ His voice is breathy, embarrassing; he can hardly think, “that’s what that- _fuck_ -“

“Yeah.” Hyunjin’s smiling at him, soft and intimate; Seungmin squeezes helplessly at his hand, so far beyond overwhelmed. “Feels good, right?”

“Yeah, _fuck_ , it’s- _shit_ , it’s a lot.” Seungmin can’t control the way his hips are moving against Hyunjin’s hand. Everything is too much and simultaneously, paradoxically, not _enough_.

“I’ve got you,” Hyunjin murmurs, grip firm on Seungmin’s hand, “it’s a lot the first time… and you’re so _sensitive_.”

He emphasizes the word by brushing along that spot again and, _fuck_ , precum leaks from Seungmin’s aching cock. He wants to touch it so fucking badly, but he swears he could cum in seconds if Hyunjin keeps doing that and he’s not ready, doesn’t want to ruin it.

Two fingers turn to three unexpectedly, and Seungmin clutches at Hyunjin’s hand, wincing a bit as the stretch starts to get difficult. He does his best to breathe and relax, but he’s so worked up. Hyunjin moves slowly and keeps whispering soft praises, little ‘you’re doing so well’s and ‘you’re so beautiful like this’s. When he brushes against that spot, again, Seungmin isn’t caught quite so off guard, and the slight burn from the stretch helps mute the sensation until it’s something manageable, just a pleasant distraction as Hyunjin works him open.

He has no sense or understanding of how long they’ve been doing this, but it feels like lifetimes. Seungmin takes how easy Hyunjin is to prep for granted, but he’s really thankful that Hyunjin is being so careful and thorough with him, now. He couldn’t imagine how overwhelming everything would be if they rushed. Still, he feels himself growing impatient, can see on Hyunjin’s face and hear in the quickness of his breathing that he’s feeling the same. He can just make out the insistent swell in the front of the other boy’s sweatpants, just visible over the sight of Seungmin’s own darkened, leaking cock.

He doesn’t even really know if the next step is what he needs so badly, but he needs _something_ and quickly latches onto the idea that Hyunjin’s dick has to feel better than his fingers, will fill him up more, press against that spot that feels so good…

“Hyunjin,” he groans, squeezing the older man’s hand tightly, “ _please_.”

Hyunjin’s breath catches, his lips sucked in between his teeth, the want in his eyes unmistakable. “’Please’ what, Minnie?”

Seungmin grits his teeth, shifting his hips against Hyunjin’s hand. The stretch had gotten easier, his body adjusting to the burn. His cheeks heat as the words flash through his mind, but he means them, and has literally nothing left to hide from Hyunjin. “ _Please_ , Jin… I need you.”

“Oh. Oh, _fuck_ ,” Hyunjin hisses, “ _fuck,_ Seungmin… you’re sure? You’re ready?”

“God, _yes_ , Hyunjin, just fucking –“ His words break off on a gasp as Hyunjin pulls his fingers away, and Seungmin definitely wasn’t ready to suddenly feel so… open and _empty_. It’s all so strange, and he’s embarrassed by his own desperation, a small whine rising in his throat, hand clinging when Hyunjin tries to pull his own from Seungmin’s grip.

“Shh, it’s okay, just - I have to - my pants, Seung.” Seungmin’s face heats as he lets Hyunjin’s fingers slip free, his legs unhooking to let Hyunjin move away. He feels off-balance, and he just… needs Hyunjin. He doesn’t like feeling so exposed and vulnerable, and it’s so much worse when the other man feels so far away. But he makes himself bite that back, breathing through it, trying to calm down. It’s a consolation that Hyunjin seems to rush back to him, the bed shaking as he stumbles out of his sweatpants and underwear, yanking hurriedly at the fabric when it gets caught on his ankle. A small smile slides onto Seungmin’s face at the sight, a laugh bubbling in his chest.

Hyunjin turns back to him with a brilliant, flushed grin that makes the younger man’s heart stutter. He reaches for him, and Hyunjin happily moves into reach, sliding back between Seungmin’s parted thighs, dry hand coming to rest comfortably on the jut of his hip bone, the other – still slick from working at Seungmin’s ass – wraps around Hyunjin’s cock and… _fuck_.

Seungmin’s _seen_ Hyunjin’s cock, has become rather fond of it, actually. He likes playing with it, likes the satisfying weight in his hands, the width between his fingers… and he’s _thought_ about bottoming for Hyunjin before, and the fact that it’d involve taking _that_ into his ass… but that hadn’t exactly hit home until this moment, when he’s spread out and open and it’s right _there_ …

Hyunjin’s thumb is rubbing at the skin of his stomach and it feels nice, a nice distraction. “Okay, uhm, just… slow?” Seungmin’s cheeks are so red, and he’s caught between taking in the sight of Hyunjin’s gorgeous body above him and staring at literally anything else so he doesn’t have to meet the older man’s eyes.

“Of course, Seung…” Hyunjin moves closer, sliding his hand up to cup Seungmin’s thin waist, gaze flicking up and down the length of his body, thumb tickling the bottom of his ribs. “Is this comfortable or should we try a different position?”

His mind keeps going in circles, needing Hyunjin close, wanting him near, but also scared and embarrassed to look at him when he’s like this… he doesn’t know what to do, but moving doesn’t seem right, putting his face in the pillows so Hyunjin can… can fuck him… that doesn’t seem right at all… having to make any choice doesn’t seem right…

Seungmin eventually just nods, trying to focus on breathing and relaxing into the bed, the feeling of Hyunjin’s hand on his body, the brush of his thighs against his own. “Yeah, uhm, this is… this is fine…”

“Hey…” Hyunjin folds himself over Seungmin, hand propping his body up right next to the younger man’s head, leaning down to press a soft kiss to the corner of his mouth. “I know it’s scary, the first time, but I’ve got you, okay? You trust me?”

“Yes.” Seungmin doesn’t hesitate because it’s true. He doesn’t trust anyone as much as he trusts Hyunjin, and he _knows_ his best friend will take care of him, would never hurt him, even with something like this. It earns him a bright, warm smile and another gentle kiss that Seungmin accepts gratefully, leaning up into Hyunjin’s touch. He tries to follow when the older man pulls away, biting his lip as he watches Hyunjin look down between their bodies to line himself up.

He trusts Hyunjin.

The pressure is light, at first. Seungmin can’t see what’s happening, thankfully, so it’s just… something slick, that he distantly knows is Hyunjin’s cock, pressing against his center. He forces himself to relax, to breathe, to… _open_ for his best friend. He trusts Hyunjin, and it feels like Hyunjin’s been in this position for _him_ a thousand times before...

He can feel his muscles give, spreading around Hyunjin as he presses slowly inside, wider and wider; there’s a brief moment of genuine discomfort at the largest point before that fades all at once and… the _head_ slips inside… and then the glide of his length is easy, if entirely overwhelming. He can _feel_ it reaching deeper than Hyunjin’s fingers, his own, ever could have, wide and solid the entire time as it inches further and further into his body. The glide is slick with lube, but Seungmin can still feel everything as it slides across his rim, Hyunjin’s skin, the giving texture of his veins. He’s pressed open so _wide_ , and it doesn’t… _hurt_ , but it’s overwhelming, and that strange, but _good_ pressure is sitting faintly in his hips as Hyunjin’s cock glides along that spot in his body. It’s just the hint of something that Seungmin thinks could feel almost scary good later.

His hands have fisted in the sheets at some point, eyes squeezed shut, his breathing forced and too harsh. It’s just so _much_ , every little sensation setting his nerves alight and making his head spin… and Hyunjin is _still_ going, still pressing deeper… until he can’t. He… hits something that Seungmin can feel in his very core… that feels like Hyunjin is definitely not supposed to be pressing on it, but the older man backs off an inch, immediately, taking the discomfort away.

“Are you doing okay?” A too-warm, sweaty hand brushes over his cheek, prompting Seungmin to blink his eyes open against the dim light. Hyunjin is over him, looking down into his eyes with a confusing blend of fondness and hunger, like he wants to both cradle Seungmin in his arms and devour him whole. Seungmin can see and feel it now, the slight tremors in Hyunjin’s body as he forces himself to hold still, deep inside of Seungmin.

He manages a nod, feeling a little dazed and shaky, himself. He doesn’t really know what to do with his body beyond just laying there and taking everything Hyunjin’s given him, but he reaches a hand up now, tangling his fingers in Hyunjin’s wet hair, tugging him down until their lips meet in a clumsy kiss. They’re both breathing too hard, too shaky to make it _good_ , but it’s a nice distraction all the same from the too-much of everything else, and Hyunjin lets him, kissing him back.

“Can I – _fucking hell Seungmin_ – can I –“ Seungmin hums against Hyunjin lips, barely letting him move enough to speak the words into the nearly nonexistent air between them. “Can I go… can I go deeper?”

Oh.

Right.

Seungmin’s hazy brain remembers coaching Hyunjin through this early on in their arrangement. He can’t see, but he knows Hyunjin isn’t all the way inside, hips still too far from Seungmin’s own… and that makes sense… Hyunjin’s big, like, bigger than he has any right to be; of course he wouldn’t fit all the way inside like this.

He nods shakily, leaning up to press another kiss to Hyunjin’s lips before the older man manages to pull away to focus on the task at hand. It’s one thing to relax for Hyunjin entering his body, but another entirely different thing to relax for this as Hyunjin shifts and adjusts the angle of his hips so he’s situated to the side a bit. When he starts pressing forward again, he meets resistance, but it’s different… it gives as he begins to put pressure on it, something deep inside of Seungmin’s body _opening_ up for Hyunjin, letting him go even deeper, and Seungmin can _feel_ it. Hyunjin moves just as slowly as the first time, but it’s a lot harder for Seungmin to relax his internal muscles and they protest the intrusion, spasming around Hyunjin uncomfortably as they both gasp.

It takes several moments to adjust, Seungmin’s fingers working through Hyunjin’s overgrown hair as he waits, desperate for a distraction as he tries to relax. Hyunjin’s forehead is pressed to his collarbone, murmuring words that sound nice, but are just soft enough that Seungmin can’t focus on anything specific. He hopes this feels good for Hyunjin… it _feels_ like it should feel good for him. Seungmin’s body is clenching around his cock arrhythmically… and Hyunjin’s practically vibrating with the effort to stay still and let Seungmin adapt.

Seungmin’s not sure if it feels so great for him right now... 

He focuses on the positives, trying to center his mind as they both wait. Hyunjin’s feeling good, Seungmin can tell, and that’s satisfying and nice in it’s own way. Hyunjin’s body also feels nice over his like this, his skin warm and slick in a way that’s become so familiar and comforting… so very _Hyunjin_. He’s sweating and shaking, clinging to Seungmin progressively tighter as the seconds tick by, breaths wet and heavy against Seungmin’s skin. 

“Thank you.” He’s not sure why he says it, but it feels like the right thing to say. Hyunjin’s being so careful and patient with him even though it’s probably not easy, and he just… he just really appreciates him a lot, always, but in this moment... especially, he realizes.

Hyunjin whines softly, pressing a soft kiss to Seungmin’s collarbone before tipping his head up to meet his eyes. God, he’s so fucking beautiful. His too long hair is hanging in a sweaty mess, sticking to his face; his lips are slick and parted, eyes full of… _something_ , just so much emotion that Seungmin can’t hope to name at the moment. “I- I should be thanking you,” Hyunjin huffs breathlessly, lips twitching upward, “you feel… _fuck_ , so _fucking_ good, Seung.”

Seungmin’s dick twitches between their bodies helplessly. His shaky hands cup Hyunjin’s cheeks, guiding his face back up for a gentle kiss. He could never get tired of kissing Hyunjin. It’s impossible.

The discomfort has faded a lot, by now. He just feels… _full_. It’s strange, but not bad. Seungmin sucks Hyunjin’s full bottom lip between his own, licking along it, swallowing the older man’s soft moan… and he rolls his hips.

A lot happens at once.

The sensation itself is overwhelming in a strange way… not painful, not anymore, but, after so many long moments of being still, he can feel every single inch of Hyunjin’s cock shift inside him and it takes his breath away. Hyunjin’s reaction, though… he grips bruisingly at Seungmin’s shoulders, pulls free from his kiss to curse passionately against his lips, entire body tensing violently over his own.

Seungmin slowly drags his hands down Hyunjin’s chest, squeezing his fingers around the older man’s waist. It takes him several seconds to catch his own breath enough to even consider speaking, but he tries to help ground Hyunjin all the same. It’s all just so _intense_.

“Are you-” Seungmin swallows thickly, throat dry, “are you okay?” Hyunjin’s eyes are clenched tightly shut, entire face screwed up as he breathes harshly through his nose. Their faces are so close; Hyunjin’s sweaty hair is sticking to Seungmin’s forehead, the tiniest details of his glistening skin clear even in the dim lighting. Seungmin slowly strokes his hands up and down Hyunjin’s sides until the older boy’s face begins to relax, just the littlest bit… Seungmin wouldn’t be able to notice if they weren’t so close.

His fingers trail up to gently brush over his neck, slipping up into his hair.

“I’m- yeah, I’m okay.” Seungmin smiles softly as Hyunjin’s eyes blink open. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I- I think… I think you can move… if you’re ready, just… careful, please?” 

Hyunjin takes a sharp breath, eyes filling with an emotion so intense. His lips crash back onto Seungmin’s own, kisses short, passionate, breathless…

“You’re so amazing, Seung,” he gasps against his lips, “thank you- thank you so much… I can’t-”

“Shh… it’s okay…” Seungmin’s chest is swelling with something he’s far too scared to name, but unwilling to push away. His hands slip down over the contours of Hyunjin’s back, fingers curling around Hyunjin’s hips as well as they can. He doesn’t so much _pull,_ more guides Hyunjin to press forward… giving the suggestion of what he wants that the man above him eagerly follows.

It’s maybe only an inch more before Hyunjin’s hips come to rest solidly against Seungmin’s ass, his cock buried _completely_ inside. They both moan with it, Hyunjin’s wet hair tickling Seungmin’s face as he bows forward, burying himself back in Seungmin’s shoulder.

The younger man carefully hikes his legs up a bit, trying to find a position that doesn’t strain his hip flexors so much, but every movement makes Hyunjin shift inside him and… oh, _fuck_ . He can feel it, again, that strange, but _good_ , feeling in his pelvis. Hyunjin’s pressing against that spot just right, just enough… when he slowly begins to pull his hips back, he drags along it… and along _all_ of Seungmin.

His head presses back into the pillow, back arching, an embarrassing noise ripping from his throat.

_Fuck_.

It quickly becomes difficult for him to form coherent thoughts. Hyunjin moves slowly with long, deep thrusts, pulling out almost all the way before pressing back in, carefully shifting his hips each time to keep the angle right for the final few inches. Each drag of his cock along Seungmin’s walls makes him shake apart just a bit more, overwhelmed by the _everything_ about it... the pleasure that’s slowly but surely beginning to curl tighter and tighter between his hips, the raw sensation of Hyunjin’s slick cock sliding endlessly against his sensitive rim, the intense pressure every time he seats himself all the way in Seungmin’s body…

Hyunjin’s propped up on his elbows, one hand curling tightly around Seungmin’s bicep, the other buried in his hair, pillowing his head. He’s pressing sloppy, clumsy kisses to the younger man’s neck that send shudders down his spine, body already so sensitized… and Seungmin’s already so far past grace. He can barely hold on, arms looping around Hyunjin’s back to keep him close, fingertips pressing bruises into his skin, deep crescents forming under his nails as they dig in unconsciously, feeling every movement work through Hyunjin’s body as his muscles flex and shudder under his grip.

Hyunjin’s thrusting speeds so gradually, mindless praises and groans falling from his lips as he builds up and up until he’s fucking Seungmin, proper skin slapping, lube squelching, gut punching _fucking_ . Seungmin’s long since lost control of the noises he’s making, and now they’re being torn out of him with each thrust, breathy gasps and throaty moans, deep unsexy grunts and high embarrassing whines. His entire body is strung so tightly, mind blowing pleasure swelling deep inside of him and it’s just so much, so _insane_.

He doesn’t realize he’s cumming until it’s already happening, his release pulsing out of him in time with Hyunjin’s thrusts, mind going blank as the pleasure crests and crashes, rolling through his body.

When his eyes finally blink open, his brain is still slow to come online, his body distant, and he just stares up at his ceiling for several moments before realizing that Hyunjin has gone mostly still on top of him. His body still shudders in Seungmin’s arms, but his hips have stilled at the peak of his thrust and he’s slumping into Seungmin’s chest, weight heavy and solid. Seungmin mindlessly rubs a limp hand along his spine, trying to catch up and process as their breathing gradually slows, tension draining.

Wow.

That was… _wow_ …

There’s a kiss at his chest, just the barest press of lips. Seungmin hums, lolling his head to the side so he can look down as Hyunjin looks up, dragging his damp head over Seungmin’s damp skin as he does, grinning dopily up at the younger man, expression sweet and so blissed out; Seungmin helplessly returns it, a big sleepy smile stretching his cheeks, crinkling his eyes nearly shut.

“Seung… that was… there aren’t _words…_ ”

“You mean... you’re _not_ going to wax poetic about my ass?” Seungmin murmurs sleepily, teasing, fingers working into a knot in the muscles under his hands.

Hyunjin’s cock shifts inside him as the older boy laughs and stretches up to kiss him gently, but it’s softened and shrunk quite a bit by now, the friction more weird than unpleasant, and Hyunjin’s lips are much more fun to focus on. "Thank you... thank you so much for trusting me."

Seungmin's face heats and he's really not sure how to respond, so he doesn't. He hums softly and chases those lips he's become so helplessly fond of. They kiss lazily for some time, the older man eventually slipping out of Seungmin’s body, letting him relax and straighten his sore legs, tug Hyunjin fully down to snuggle up with him, their bodies slotting together in the sticky sheets… it’s only the discomfort of the wet patch Seungmin is laying in, the cum and sweat drying on his skin and leaking from his-

It keeps him awake and forces him out of bed much sooner than his aching, exhausted body would like… and he is _aching and exhausted_. Hyunjin, to his credit, scrambles to follow, wrapping his body around Seungmin and taking some of his weight as they let the shower heat up and Seungmin takes out his contacts. He laughs when Seungmin doesn’t bother with pretenses and immediately reacquaints his sore, boney ass with the unforgiving floor of the shower, the weakness and ache in his hips and legs from being bent and spread for so long winning out over anything else… his smile is hopelessly fond, though, and he curls up with him, massaging shampoo into his hair and helping him shift so it can slowly rinse away, hands gentle and comforting, thorough, as they wash the gunk from his skin. Seungmin’s eyes slip closed at some point, lulled by the warm water and Hyunjin’s calming touch, the pretty, meaningless words falling from his lips…

Poor Hyunjin has to practically drag him from the shower when they’re done, coercing him with promises of warm blankets and cuddles in his clean bed, puppy dog eyes and sweet compliments, strong hands hooking under his arms to pull him up. Seungmin almost makes him carry him, all the energy sapped from his body… _almost_.

Hyunjin’s soft bed is worth the effort, of course. As is the overwhelming relief of being able to curl his tired limbs around Hyunjin’s warm body, snuggling into his chest as strong arms tug him ever closer. He barely registers the comforting weight and impossible softness of Hyunjin’s fluffiest blanket enveloping them before he’s slipping away...

\---

“So, I was thinking about something…” Seungmin turns his body lazily in Hyunjin’s arms, settling on his back so he can meet the older boy’s eyes, vision blurry without his glasses. Hyunjin shifts a bit, his hand resting softly on Seungmin’s flat stomach, thumb rubbing circles into the skin there. “There’s something I wanna add to the list, if you’re okay with it.”

Seungmin hums sleepily, blinking at Hyunjin as he waits for him to explain. Early morning sunlight peeks through the crooked blinds behind him, casting the room and his gorgeous best friend in a soft hazy glow. The smooth skin against his side is warm and comforting, the messy blankets crumpled around their lazy forms so comfortable.

Seungmin wishes he could capture this moment and never leave, wrapped up in Hyunjin’s arms, tucked away safe and warm on a lazy spring morning.

Soft brown eyes flick over his face, teeth worry absentmindedly at a full lip.

“Nevermind, we can talk about it later…” Seungmin’s eyes feel heavy as he sighs, snuggling closer into the warmth of Hyunjin’s body.

The older man’s laughter is soft and airy in the quiet of their apartment. “Go back to sleep, don’t have to be up yet.”

He hums, sleep swollen face pressing into the plane of Hyunjin’s chest.

He’s not sure if the feeling of soft lips pressing into his messy morning hair is real or a trick of his sleepy brain… 

Wishful thinking...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, this one was my favorite <3


	4. Four

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Quick warning for feeding kink and a fairly explicit, if brief, feeding scene.
> 
> Absolutely feel free to skip, but please do tune back in for the last four-fifths or so for the shibari scene because I'm rather fond of it <3

“You want to- '' Creases form in the skin between Seungmin’s eyebrows. He’s really trying to process this. What Hyunjin’s saying. He sets his freshly washed fitted sheet on his mattress, finally turning to give Hyunjin his full attention.

“I didn’t think it was something I’d be into, but I just got the thought in my head…” Hyunjin actually looks  _ embarrassed,  _ and that suspicion is only confirmed when he steps forward and slips his hands around Seungmin’s waist and buries his face in the younger man’s shoulder. Holding Hyunjin has become so natural, Seungmin’s hand slips up to the nape of his neck on its own, pure muscle memory.

“Okay… tell me more about exactly what you want…”

“I just… like the idea of feeding you…”

“Like… long term or…?”

“No, just a scene… well, I mean... if you let me…”

Seungmin huffs, “Let’s just talk about a scene for now.” This is weird… like he knows food stuff can be a kink, but he’s never given it much thought. He is trying to be open minded, but he’s honestly pretty surprised, both by the kink itself and how Hyunjin’s presenting it… he still hasn’t lifted his head, is just clinging to Seungmin in the middle of their kitchenette. He never gets this embarrassed. “How do you picture that playing out?”

Hyunjin whines into his neck, shuffling closer, and, fuck, his dick shouldn’t be reacting to that. “I just think… like, I could get a bunch of food you like and…  _ fuck _ , why is this so  _ embarrassing _ ?”

“I don’t know,” Seungmin huffs with a laugh.

“It’s  _ your _ fault, I’ve literally  _ never  _ thought about this before.”

“Why me?”

“Have you seen yourself? You’re just so  _ tiny _ and boney…” He emphasizes this by pressing his fingers into the hard bumps of Seungmin’s pelvis in his lower back, just under the surface, hand slipping up under his shirt to trace over the prominent ridges of his spine. “I don’t know, it brings something out in me, I just want to take care of you…” Hyunjin’s breath is so warm against Seungmin’s neck, and his words are… a lot. This is weird. “And you let me fuck you and it like… I don’t know, it like flipped a switch and those thoughts really won’t go away now

“You’re embarrassed because this is specifically a  _ me _ thing and not just a sex thing…”

Hyunjin whines again.

“Jin, it’s fine… we’ve been fucking for weeks, now,” Seungmin laughs, tugging Hyunjin in by his waist. “You’re allowed to think sex things about me, you know.”

“But it’s  _ different… _ ” Hyunjin groans into Seungmin’s shoulder, “nevermind, just forget I brought it up…”

“No, dude, if you want to try, we can try.” Hyunjin’s hair is really soft… had Seungmin ever told him that before? Probably. “I can’t guarantee I’ll  _ like _ it, but we can try.”

“You’re sure?”

“Yeah,” Seungmin laughs, “what’s the worst that could happen?”

\---

Seungmin should really, really have known better.

This sucks.

It starts out okay; Hyunjin lets him pick the foods, for the most part, and he gets Seungmin actual take away from good restaurants instead of either of them trying to cook. It could have been so nice.

There is just way too much.

It’s good food, really. And it’s not like Seungmin doesn’t enjoy eating or anything, it’s really nice at first. Hyunjin is being cute and Seungmin plays along, even bites back his embarrassment and performs a bit, moaning around Hyunjin’s fingers as he presses slices of meat between his lips. He can kind of get why this would be sensual.

Except that part isn’t really what Hyunjin is after and he had  _ known _ that, logically. They’d talked a bit more about it later that night. Hyunjin had even shown him a few videos and given him all the opportunities he needed to back out, but…

They sit with Seungmin resting back against Hyunjin’s chest, sitting between his legs, and something about the way Hyunjin is holding him, arms wrapped around his body, fingers pressing into his ribs… he can tell Hyunjin really wanted it and he just really thought… he really didn’t think it could be this bad.

It’s somewhere around the second entree that Hyunjin is pressing him to eat that it starts to feel not good. Seungmin would have stopped himself long before he ever got to this point… and it probably helps that he specifically hadn’t eaten breakfast or lunch, but he’s still way past a comfortable point. It starts getting really hard to pretend that he’s still into it, and he catches himself straight up pouting at Hyunjin multiple times, caught somewhere between his role play “feed me, Daddy” character and actual Seungmin who actually can’t suffer through any more food.

But he keeps eating.

He’s not sure why… except he is. Hyunjin’s  _ into  _ it. His face keeps getting darker and darker the more Seungmin whines and his fingers keep brushing over Seungmin’s normally flat stomach which he’s only now realizing is  _ distended _ , visibly swelling out, pressing against the waistband of his stretchy boxer briefs. It’s solid, hard to the touch when Seungmin’s own hands rest on it, the skin weirdly hot under his palms.

“One more bite, baby, you can do it,” Hyunjin whispers, pressing the sticky marinated chicken between his lips. Seungmin whines, his head falling against Hyunjin’s shoulder, forcing himself to chew and swallow even as he feels nausea building in his too-full stomach.

His body feels too hot and sweaty, bloated. It’s gross and uncomfortable and curling into Hyunjin’s chest  _ hurts _ , but nothing’s comfortable and he feels sick and a little lost. He just wants to be done, frankly, has no idea how to react to the swell of Hyunjin’s boner against his hip. He has literally never felt less sexy in his life than he does at this very moment. But maybe if he lets Hyunjin fuck him, he can just lie there and work on controlling his nausea and that’ll mean Hyunjin’s done making him eat and-

Hyunjin pulls out a pint of strawberries.

They’re Seungmin’s favorite, and they just started coming into season. He’s sure they’re great, and he’s sure that Hyunjin feeding him strawberries  _ could _ be hot… but he’s never been so disgusted by the sight of the bright red fruit in his life. It’s an intense feeling. His nausea is bubbling up at the thought of having to put literally anything else inside of him, way too much chicken and beef and pork and vegetables already sitting heavy in his stomach.

“No, Hyunjin,  _ please _ .”

“Just a little more, okay?” Hyunjin’s palm is too warm against Seungmin’s clammy cheek, and he resists for a second when the older man tries to get him to tilt his face up. He doesn’t want to. He can’t. He feels weirdly small, like a little kid whining and complaining about having to eat his broccoli. It’s the least sexy thing Seungmin can imagine. He just feels like shit.

But then he’s looking up into Hyunjin’s eyes and… oh Jesus fucking  _ Christ _ . “Please, Minnie? Just a few more bites for me?” Hyunjin’s eyes are stuck somewhere between puppy dog and bedroom, and Seungmin should be able to just tell him  _ no _ . He doesn’t like it, and he knows his limits, but… god _ dammit _ .

Seungmin takes a bite of the strawberry, chews and swallows it even…

And then he’s hunching over, the contents of his stomach spilling all over their hardwood floors.

\---

“How are you feeling?”

Seungmin looks up from his phone to blink at Hyunjin’s figure in the doorway of his darkened room. Honestly, he still feels pretty gross. He hadn’t gone to class, hadn’t really left his bed… which is probably just making him feel even more gross… he’s probably just being a baby about the whole thing, but  _ man _ he really hates getting sick. “I’ll be fine… how was class?”

Hyunjin sighs, flopping down on his bed dramatically, he tosses a package onto a spare piece of mattress, but Seungmin’s quickly distracted by the grown man crawling up his body to curl into his chest. They slot together nicely, Hyunjin’s limbs sliding into place around Seungmin’s naturally. They’re very well practiced in the art of cuddling by now. Seungmin brushes his fingers through the older boy’s hair, absentmindedly, his other arm looping around Hyunjin’s shoulders to keep him close. “It was dumb… Frank paired us up and made us analyze each other’s ‘social media presence’. It was  _ dumb _ .”

Seungmin huffs out a laugh, curling a lock of Hyunjin’s hair around his pointer finger. “Just a couple more months and you never have to talk to another comm major again if you don’t want to.” That gets a nice, full-body laugh out of the boy on top of him, and Seungmin grins, squeezing him closer. 

They lay in comfortable silence for several moments, just relaxing into each other’s warmth, their touch, before Hyunjin breaks the silence, his voice soft and at least a little sleepy, “a package came for you...”

Seungmin hums, stretching one arm limply towards the cardboard box Hyunjin had abandoned somewhere on his bed, opening and closing his fist in the universal sign for “gimme”. Hyunjin smacks his chest, but he’s laughing and eventually sits up enough to grab it.

Getting through the packing tape is a whole thing. It involves lots of hushed curses and sore fingertips and decidedly unhelpful, giggly commentary from the boy curled into his chest. It’s worth it though, Seungmin decides, when he finally rips open the box and finds the lengths of rope that he’d ordered a few weeks ago. He’d honestly kind of forgotten how much he had bought... looking at it now, it seems a bit excessive, but the bundles are all different colors and surprisingly soft under Seungmin’s fingers for how suspiciously cheap they had been, and he decides he doesn’t care.

“Oh! Your rope thing...”

“Shibari,” Seungmin corrects with a grin.

“Shibari,” Hyunjin repeats, jokingly over-enunciating each syllable. Seungmin ignores him as he continues to carefully examine each bundle individually, brushing his fingers over the tightly packed fibers. It’s seriously  _ so _ soft, and he’s instantly anxious to try out the different harness and bind designs he’d been slowly bookmarking over the past couple of weeks.

He glances down at Hyunjin, the question he’d been about to ask dying on his lips as he catches him  _ staring _ . “What?” Hyunjin’s expression is soft, a small smile playing at the corners of his lips as he continues to just… watch Seungmin’s face.

“Nothing…” His grin brightens as he speaks, eyes crinkling up. “I just think you’re cute.”

Seungmin rolls his eyes, cheeks heating as Hyunjin giggles at his reaction. “Hope you realize I’m practicing on you tonight.”

“Just practice?”

Seungmin hums, “probably… we’ll see.”

He attempts to sit up… then attempts to push Hyunjin off him… then attempts a little more aggressively, laughing at Hyunjin’s theatrical whines and the way he tries to bury himself deeper into Seungmin’s chest, pinning him to the bed. The whole affair ends with Hyunjin landing on his ass on the floor with a way too loud yelp – seriously, their neighbors are going to get them kicked out one of these days – and Seungmin grinning victoriously as he heads to shower and actually try to do s _ omething _ with his day now that he has a reason to drag himself out of bed.

\---

Seungmin retrieves the complimentary pair of safety shears from the box and grabs the first few bundles of rope that catch his eye before making his way into the living room.

He’s excited.

A few moments later, Hyunjin waddles into the room with both their comforters and some other assorted blankets in his arms, his body barely visible around the mass, dropping the whole pile in a heap in the middle of the floor. Seungmin just watches quietly, snorting when Hyunjin looks up at him for approval. “I said a  _ couple _ blankets, Jin.”

“Yeah, you also said we’d be here for a  _ while _ , and I’m personally pretty well acquainted with our hardwood floors at this point and know just what ‘a while’ is gonna mean for my knees… so there.”

That makes Seungmin laugh, pausing what he’s doing on his phone – fumbling to get his YouTube playlist (Shibari Ideas) pulled up on their tv.

He does eventually get the first video to play and lets Hyunjin arrange the blankets into a sort of nest on the floor, not unlike ones they’ve made for their play in the past, but this one looks notably more comfortable and cushiony. He watches the tutorial through once while Hyunjin works, and then again after joining the older man on the blankets, unravelling one of the bundles he’d selected – a bright red one – while he watches. Hyunjin’s attention is half on the video, picking at his lip and furrowing his brows as the pretty gote shibari bind is arranged on the silent model, and half on Seungmin’s hands as he begins setting up the rope. He listens to the man on screen with most of his attention while the rest lines up the two ends, one hand holding them still, the other working back to find the midpoint so the length is neatly doubled over in his lap, thirty feet becoming fifteen, the looped end – the bight – in one hand, the two loose ends – the standing end or tail – in the other.

He’s read enough beginners guides and watched enough tutorials to already have a rather strong understanding of the basics, but actually having the rope in his hands and trying to mentally plan out how he’s going to be executing this in real life is a bit more daunting. There are parts of the instructions he already knows he’ll have to rewind where the man moves too quickly, or where the camera angle is off enough that it’s hard for him to really grasp what’s going on, and starting with something a bit more basic would probably be a great idea, but… he’s impatient.

“Okay… let’s try it,” he hums as the video ends, shifting onto his knees and turning to face Hyunjin.

“That looks complicated.”

“C’mon, that’s half the fun.” Hyunjin gives him a look, a ‘as your best friend, I know your perfectionist ass is going to regret this’ kind of look, but Seungmin promptly ignores him, pressing him to mimic Seungmin’s own posture – on his knees, spine straight.

He’s already got the rope in his hands, approaching Hyunjin when he remembers. “Oh! Wait- you have to stretch.”

Hyunjin blinks at him for a second before laughing at his expression which is probably at least a little startled and embarrassed. “That’s probably a good idea.”

It’s a really basic concept, but Seungmin shakes off negative thoughts that try to slip in about him forgetting. The important thing is that he remembered, and Hyunjin doesn’t seem to care, throwing himself into some basic arm and shoulder stretches easily. Seungmin watches as he extends one arm into the air, bending it at the elbow so his hand is resting in the middle of his shoulders, elbow still stretched towards the ceiling, his free hand coming up to lightly tug it in towards his head. His toned muscles flex as he moves, shifting to stretch the other side. His loose t-shirt falls to the side, exposing his prominent collarbone as he does, moving between stretches easily, practiced… Seungmin sometimes forgets that Hyunjin used to dance before college.

He drags his eyes away and rewinds the video to just after the introduction, pausing it as Hyunjin finishes up, rolling out his wide shoulders and shaking his arms lightly, returning to the resting position from before with a small smile on his face. “Should I take my shirt off…?”

“Probably... it’ll be easier.”

Hyunjin grins as he reaches back and tugs at his neckline, pulling the t-shirt off in one smooth motion. Seungmin’s pretty sure he’ll never get tired of seeing Hyunjin’s body, all tanned skin, hard lines around his shoulders and chest contrasting with the softness around his waist and belly. It’s a bit of a shame that Hyunjin knows that, too, because he’s smiling at Seungmin, amused, as the younger man’s eyes roam over his skin.

“This isn’t a scene, right?” Hyunjin doesn’t need more prompting than a gentle touch to his hip to bring his hands behind his back, stacking his forearms one over the other in the middle of his back, elbows tucked into his sides, eyes on the pretty model on screen, copying her stance.

“Nope, just practice for now…” The beginning wrist bind is really basic, one Seungmin’s already pretty familiar with in theory, but he’s still careful to glance up and follow the man’s instructions carefully. He passes the bight between Hyunjin’s forearms and body, pulling the soft rope through until he can loop it back under and pass it up again, careful to keep the columns laid out flat along the bottom of the older man’s arms, and leaving plenty of space for the Single-Column Tie so Hyunjin can shift if it gets uncomfortable. He gently encourages Hyunjin to lower his arms a bit so they’re not so rigid near his back, as the instructor does the same with the model, noting a later part of the bind that will pull the arms back up.

“Isn’t this… kinda loose?” Hyunjin frowns, shifting his arms and hinting at how easy it’d be for him to slide his wrists out at this point.

Seungmin hums as he carefully draws the standing end around the side of Hyunjin’s shoulder, trying to figure out where exactly the ropes should lay on Hyunjin’s substantially broader figure, compared to the tiny female model on screen. “You’re not paying attention,” he snorts as the instructor finally guides him to aim for along the bottom of the deltoid muscle which is much clearer than gauging from eyesight alone on Hyunjin’s toned shoulders, “you’re supposed to be able to get out from that part… right now at least…” He’s being distracted by the instructor talking about nerve damage that could happen if the rope Seungmin  _ just _ laid is pulled too tight, a concept that’s scary in theory, but down-right fucking terrifying with his best friend right here, trusting him not to fuck up. He’s extremely careful as he pulls the rope in a straight line across the upper front of Hyunjin’s chest, scared to pull it much more than just short of lax… and then scared again as he wraps it around the same spot on Hyunjin’s other shoulder.

He takes a deep breath, forcing himself to relax as he presses experimentally a couple inches under where he placed his rope, where Hyunjin’s deltoid meets his tricep, looking for his radial nerve… and knowing exactly when he finds it because Hyunjin startles, face whipping around to look at him, “ _ ow _ ”.

“Let me know if the ropes slip over that spot, please.” Hyunjin’s reaction helps, knowing it’s something they’d hopefully be alerted to… and the instructor might be exaggerating at least a little, too, but Seungmin just wants to be safe and do this right.

“Yeah, I think I will…  _ ow _ , god, what did you even  _ do _ ?”

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah… my arm feels weird, but it’s going away…”

“Okay, good,” Seungmin snorts, relaxing. He holds the standing end against Hyunjin’s shoulder with one hand while the other rewinds the part he missed while he was distracted. “You have a nerve there, he was talking about how you could be hurt if I laid the ropes over it, I was just checking…”

Seungmin smooths over a spot where the ropes already got twisted before throwing himself into the next movements, wrapping the standing end around Hyunjin’s shoulders again, a little less anxious about his nerves this time, now that he knows exactly where they are. And the next step… Seungmin ends up rewinding the video at least three times to get the x-friction knot tied correctly; it really isn’t that complicated, but the instructor moves so fast and he wants to do it right…

He can feel himself get a little frustrated, already, but it’s a small victory when his off-center knot is an easy fix. He just slips his fingers between the rope and Hyunjin’s body and slides them along the rope, in the opposite direction he laid it, leaning close into Hyunjin, his free hand holding him solidly by the hip. It isn’t until his fingers are pressed back on the older man’s left shoulder, arm wrapped completely around his body, chest pressing into the beginnings of the bind on his back, that he realizes just how intimate of a position it puts him in, just how Hyunjin’s breath picks up as he has the same thought. Seungmin reaches down to pause the video and takes stock, untucking his fingers from the rope, but keeping his arm there, wrapped around Hyunjin’s chest.

He’d been distracted, hadn’t been taking his time or really appreciating this… with Hyunjin’s shoulders secured, he’s already much more immobile, arms pretty solidly locked in place unless he really works for it, and the simple beginnings of the box tie are already so pretty, the bright ropes standing out against his smooth skin, just slightly dimpling the flesh of his shoulders with tension. Seungmin slides his hand down Hyunjin’s chest, brushing across his sensitive nipple and absorbing the way he flinches just slightly, moving down further to slide down his soft stomach… and then down lower to his waist band. He tucks his chin on Hyunjin’s shoulder, listening to his soft, irregular breathing as he peaks down the length of his body, not surprised, but certainly still pleased to see the beginnings of a noticeable bulge in Hyunjin’s sweatpants.

“Having fun?” Hyunjin’s breath hitches at his soft, teasing voice, and it brings a grin to Seungmin’s face. “I thought you said shibari was boring…”

He traces his fingers idly along the edge of Hyunjin’s waistband, just barely teasing the sensitive skin there. “Changed my mind,” Hyunjin’s voice is a bit too breathy to pull off the joking tone he was probably going for, “don’t mind me, please… proceed.” He wiggles slightly against Seungmin’s chest, taking a deep steadying breath when the younger man’s hands and body begin to recede with a laugh.

“Sure thing.”

The next step is adding the second strap around Hyunjin’s lower arms and chest, and it goes much quicker than the first, but Seungmin’s much more mindful now of Hyunjin’s body and his own in relation to it. He takes care to smooth his hands down Hyunjin’s arms and across his shoulders, keeping as much contact with his skin as possible. He lets himself press closer, in general, too; hips bumping into Hyunjin’s, his stomach brushing against Hyunjin’s bound arms, chest resting warm against his shoulders. He pays more attention, too, to the little ways Hyunjin responds to him, the changes in his breathing, the soft little noises falling from his lips, the slight shudder that runs through him as Seungmin pulls the square friction knot at his back tight, the tension in his muscles when Seungmin runs out of his first length of rope and has to pause to prep a second bundle and use it to extend the first.

He’s unusually quiet as Seungmin works, and he has a feeling that they’re slipping towards something less casual, but he doesn’t necessarily move to stop it. Hyunjin’s pliant and relaxed under his hands, moving where Seungmin guides him and remaining nice and still unless he’s prompted to move… Seungmin knows he has to be slipping into a headspace, but that’s nice to know. He really wants Hyunjin to enjoy this, too.

So, he continues with the bind, transitioning into the multi-strap kannuki to secure the straps in place, carefully weaving the standing end through the previously laid ropes, a little fascinated by the way Hyunjin shifts as he pulls the length through, ten plus feet of rope dragging along one patch of the sensitive skin near the older man’s armpits. He’d be more worried Hyunjin is uncomfortable if he couldn’t  _ see _ the bulge in his sweatpants twitching, but he still checks in with soft words and soothing hands gliding over Hyunjin’s skin.

Seungmin presses a gentle kiss to Hyunjin’s shoulder before moving into the final phase of the harness, a Mt. Fuji 3TK variation, bringing the standing end back after the final step of the kannuki and securing it to the straps with a few simple hitches. His hands are still a bit fumbling with the rope, but he can already feel himself falling into a steady pattern of running the rope with one hand and smoothing the lines down with the other, tugging the knots into place and positioning them perfectly, triple checking over everything before heading into the next step… maybe with a bit more practice it could come out a little more refined, but it honestly looks so similar to the instructors, already, fucking beautiful on Hyunjin’s body…

He brings the tail up over the top of Hyunjin’s shoulder, laying it smoothly down over the Kannuki line from earlier, guiding it down and back, tucking it under Hyunjin’s wrists so it can lay flush against Hyunjin’s back. He guides it back up and forward, following the other Kannuki line, finding the rhythm in the bind, the pattern, hardly having to look at the instructor as he lays it over Hyunjin’s shoulder and begins the same hitching pattern on this side. Seungmin takes a second then to pause and admire this view of the bind. The two knots down the center, just over the curve of Hyunjin’s spine, the x tension on top and the square tension below, leading down into the Single Column supporting Hyunjin’s wrists… then the slightly diagonal Munter Hitches on each side – noting how he likes the tiny hint of asymmetry with one side of the hitches being upside down… it’s fucking  _ gorgeous _ against the muscles of Hyunjin’s back, emphasizing the masculine breadth of his shoulders, the contrasting slightness of his bare, thin waist and hips below.

Seungmin presses a line of kisses along Hyunjin’s shoulders, whispering praises and promises of being done soon into his skin as he does. There’s only the decorative piece on the upper chest left, and it’s laid down quickly; the tail is pulled to the front under the bottom strap, crossed over his chest to the opposite shoulder harness he’d just laid, the tension reversed to cross in a straight line just under his neck so it can be crossed under the other shoulder strapped and pulled across his chest. He adds a pretty twist where the two ropes cross in an otherwise x-shape just above the upper base chest strap - it feels like a lifetime since he first laid that down – and brings the standing end back down to the back to finish everything off with a square tension under the two previous knots, following the instructors lead to tuck the remaining length of rope into the existing framework on Hyunjin’s back…

_ Fuck _ .

“Done…” Seungmin’s voice is breathy, hands brushing over Hyunjin’s arms, fingers kneading into the tight muscles there as he goes.

“Oh? Cool,” Hyunjin giggles, sounding a little dazed as he cranes his neck to look at Seungmin, blinking almost sleepily, “how’d it turn out?”

“ _ Beautiful _ .” Even as Seungmin says it, he notices a few spots where the tension’s off, the ropes don’t lay evenly, the spacing is somewhat lopsided, various other little flaws… but,  _ damn _ , for his first try?

“Are you  _ bragging _ ?” Hyunjin laughs, trying to peer down at his chest as he starts sliding back from wherever his mind had gone as Seungmin worked.

“Maybe,” Seungmin grins, “I earned it.” He climbs to his feet with a wince, knees protesting aggressively as his legs are straightened and  _ holy fucking ouch _ , is that what Hyunjin always deals with? Seungmin needs to buy a proper mat for him to kneel on, that  _ can’t _ be good for him long term -

Oh. 

Or not… because this isn’t… a long-term arrangement…

Seungmin shoves  _ that _ mess aside for the moment because it’s  _ much  _ more important to take a proper look at his work and  _ damn. _ He really does deserve to brag; Hyunjin looks fucking  _ gorgeous. _ The bind’s not exactly a beginner level, but it’s still rather simple. That said, it complements Hyunjin so nicely, pressing up the slight swell of his pecs and defining his wide shoulders, the bright red contrasting with his tan skin, the posture of his arms locked behind his back so gut-wrenchingly submissive… when did Seungmin get hard? He’s not sure, but he’s definitely aware of it now as his hand travels lazily down to cup himself through his pajama pants. Hyunjin’s eyes track the movement, tongue darting out to wet his lower lip, his own erection flexing in his sweatpants.

“That good, huh?” Hyunjin chuckles, but it’s lost some of its heat. He shifts his weight on his knees, moves his shoulders side to side, gazing up at Seungmin from his lowered position.

_ Fuck. _

“Wanna see?” Seungmin hums, already bending down to retrieve his phone and flipping it to the camera when Hyunjin nods, snapping a hastily angled picture –  _ holy fuck he needs to take proper pictures of Hyunjin in shibari at some point  _ – that he turns to show the other boy.

“ _ Oh _ …” Hyunjin bites his lip, eyes flicking over the image. “I didn’t think… it actually looks like the video…”

Seungmin mocks offense, snatching his phone away with a scoff.

Hyunjin lets him take a few more pictures with his phone, making Seungmin wish he had better lighting, but this will do for now… until they can plan ahead and organize a nice, proper set-up. He idly explains his thoughts to Hyunjin who just laughs and agrees to let Seungmin photograph him at some point.

He’s genuinely sad to undo the bind so soon, but Hyunjin seems tired and uncomfortable, already, and it’s something beautiful in its own right – the way he slowly relaxes and loosens up the more rope Seungmin pulls away from his body, shoulders finally dropping entirely when nothing but the Single Column remains and Seungmin slowly guides his arms from it.

Despite only being in the bind for… maybe thirty to forty-five minutes, as a guess… Hyunjin hisses as his arms are straightened, and soft, pained noises continue to fall from his lips as Seungmin begins massaging his arms and shoulders, encouraging the muscles to loosen up, dick twitching as he works over the red indents the rope dug into his skin, across his arms and the front and sides of his chest. Eventually, Hyunjin just flops down into his lap with a laugh and stays there, curled into Seungmin’s chest. He lets the older man navigate to some channel he likes, not really paying attention to the video as he brushes his fingers through Hyunjin’s hair and comes down from the excitement.

They stay like that for some time, resting, before Hyunjin lets him practice a simple futomomo shibari bind, using an elaborate series of hitches to secure his calf to his thigh. Hyunjin’s able to lay down and just relax while Seungmin works on this one, but it requires him to lose his sweatpants and it takes no time at all for Hyunjin’s cock to respond to the soft brush of Seungmin’s fingers and the comparatively rough friction of rope against the sensitive skin of his thighs. Working in the more intimate area does something to Seungmin, too, and it’s hard for him not to react to Hyunjin’s enthusiasm… it’s honestly hot as fuck that Hyunjin’s so into this. It makes Seungmin more inclined to force himself to hold back until Hyunjin initiates something, ignoring his own dick, keeping his touches teasing, but nothing more, as he works… waiting for Hyunjin to snap.

Seungmin’s binding his second leg, pleased that the hitches are already laying nicer on this second one and feeling confident and good about this new skill he’s developing when Hyunjin finally breaks the tension in the air… just not in the way he was expecting.

“Could I try?”

Seungmin’s adjusting the spacing of the ropes coiled around Hyunjin’s leg, not satisfied with how they keep slipping, noting how much less support this bind has than the chest and arm bind he’d done first. The words don’t register right away, his mind distracted, but his hands slow to a stop as Hyunjin’s meaning sinks in. “Like… on me?”

“Yeah,” Hyunjin huffs with a laugh, shifting his hips on the blankets, “when you’re done.”

“Sure…” Seungmin frowns, trying to gauge how serious Hyunjin is, “something easy?”

“Okay!” Hyunjin grins as he settles back into the blankets, eyes fluttering closed while Seungmin slowly finishes up, securing the line around the arch of Hyunjin’s foot with an x tension knot on the base coil around his ankle and upper thigh, tucking in the loose ends of the tail to make everything pretty. There’re thoughts swirling in his head, but nothing easy to identify as he encourages Hyunjin to pose a bit for some more pictures.

He’s nervous, he thinks, to give Hyunjin that much control when he hasn’t done the research Seungmin has, when he’s still getting used to this whole concept of giving over control to Hyunjin, at all… but he tries to calm that down.

Worst case… they have the scissors…

But he won’t let it get to that point, anyway…

And he is kind of curious to see if Hyunjin will like this too...

He undoes Hyunjin’s leg binds, massaging his thighs and calves though the other man seems to be significantly less uncomfortable than he was with the gote shibari before… and seemingly very excited to move onto his turn. They pick out the tutorial together, “Easy Shibari – Stardust Harness with Bondage Belt” – more accurately, Hyunjin picks and Seungmin approves.

He’s anxious… though feeling a bit better about the bondage element being pretty limited here… and the harness is pretty; he kind of wished he was the one doing it on Hyunjin, but he figures there’s time for that later. And it is kind of fun to show Hyunjin how to prep the rope for use, watching him work it through his hands as he doubles it, his face instantly serious, eyes attentive. Seungmin keeps his eyes on him as he works through some stretches; his body had gotten tight from hunching over and working the rope around Hyunjin, and it feels nice to straighten his spine and work his shoulders, even if there isn’t really a point to stretching before putting on a harness.

When he’s done, Seungmin slips out of his hoodie, skin instantly chilling in its absence. The tutorial is playing on the screen and Hyunjin is watching it carefully, eyebrows furrowed, lips sucked in between his teeth; Seungmin settles onto the blankets, smiling softly at Hyunjin’s focused expression. He’s changed his mind; Hyunjin’s cute and he’s curious to see how this will go.

Like the other upper body video, this model is also female, and Seungmin worries a bit that the harness won’t look as nice or even lay right on his flat chest, but it really is  _ so _ pretty… and Hyunjin’s excited, turning to him as the video ends with a bright smile on his face, clutching both ends of the rope in his hands. “Doesn’t seem so hard!”

Seungmin just smiles at him placatingly and decides not to voice the comment about this harness being much simpler than the binds he did, even if the detailing looks complicated because Hyunjin eager expression is contagious. 

“Okay… I think I’ll be nice and let you sit down while I do this part…”

“Oh, how kind of you.”

“Shh,” Hyunjin laughs, moving around Seungmin as the younger man shifts so he’s sitting up more, settling behind him, “bet your knees are already bruised, I’m trying to be  _ nice _ .”

Seungmin just laughs and obediently lifts his arms so Hyunjin can loop the rope around his ribcage, tugging until the bight is approximately in the center of Seungmin’s back… he’s not super prepared for the friction of the ropes pulling across his skin. They’re soft once they’ve settled into place, but drag roughly when they’re being adjusted, and that’s super good to know because Seungmin wasn’t really considering that when he was working on Hyunjin. It doesn’t  _ hurt _ , but… yeah, it’s still a bit surprising and not very comfortable.

He feels Hyunjin pull the standing end through the loop in the bight and reverse the tension, pressing close to reach around his body and loop it around again. His fingers smooth along the ropes, encouraging them to stack next to each other and lay nicely in a band across the bottom of Seungmin’s sternum. It’s kind of fascinating to watch the video on screen and then  _ feel _ Hyunjin mirroring the actions of the instructor on his own body. The tail is tugged through one of the loops at Seungmin’s back and then drawn up over his shoulder, the tension increasing, ropes tightening against his ribs for just a moment before Hyunjin lets it settle and loosen again as he moves around to Seungmin’s front. It’s a strange feeling, makes Seungmin’s breath hitch, reminds him that he is still putting himself in a vulnerable position for Hyunjin, even if it is just a harness right now… it also strangely makes him think about how strong Hyunjin is… just how tightly he could pull the ropes if he wanted to… making them dig into Seungmin’s skin…

He promptly files  _ that  _ away for later examination.

It’s comforting to be able to see Hyunjin work as he lays the tail diagonally down Seungmin’s chest, over the strap before pulling it under and back up again. His face is totally focused, lower lip pinned between his teeth, eyes narrowing as he leans close. His long hair tickles against Seungmin’s skin as he turns his head to glance back at the screen. As it’s pulled through, the length drags over Seungmin’s skin, and the friction, just how sensitive he is to it, catches him off guard all over again. As Hyunjin moves to the next step, guiding the standing end across Seungmin’s chest and over his other shoulder, he can feel the sensitized patch of skin in the center of his chest practically tingling under the ropes… but it’s also everything, every inch of skin on his body feels hyper sensitized, like it’s the only thing his brain can focus on. It’s overwhelming, makes thinking, paying attention difficult. The two dominant sensations are so different and both so intense: Hyunjin’s soft, gentle but sure hands versus the friction and drag of synthetic fibers wrapping and tightening around his body.

Seungmin tries to sort through it, tries to center on one thing, focus on each step as Hyunjin lays it down, but it’s so difficult. It makes a lot of sense now… why Hyunjin was zoning out. It’s a strange blend of intense and calming. It makes Seungmin feel… almost distant… floaty…

Hyunjin’s doing something between his shoulder blades before he’s coming back around to his front, wrapping just under his armpit, weaving it under the center strap he’d just laid and pulling it back, securing the line to the others in the middle of his back before repeating on the other side. He looks so good when he’s all focused like this, and his hands are so strong and sure on Seungmin’s body, holding him steady, guiding him to lean forward, sit up straighter, hold his arms out, whatever he needs him to do as he continues to work.

It’s all still new to him… being able to sit back and let Hyunjin lead, trusting him enough to let go, but it’s getting easier and easier…

It’s kind of nice…

Hyunjin moves into the final steps of the harness, the pretty twists that will make up the intricate-looking design on the front of his chest. Seungmin wishes he could actually see the pattern, still sure it can’t look as right on his flat chest as it does on the model on screen, but looking down and watching Hyunjin’s hands work is great, too. Hyunjin really does have such nice hands, and it’s so relaxing to watch him weave the tail through the framework on his body, even as his sensitive skin lights up under the ropes… he’s already getting used to the feeling, is starting to anticipate it. It’s nice in a weird way… makes him really feel the ropes as they wrap around his body, grounding him when Hyunjin’s warm hands working over him methodically would otherwise make him float away.

Maybe he really does like this…

Huh.

Hyunjin locks off the harness behind Seungmin, fumbling to pause the video before it can move onto the next part, the actual restraint part. His fingers slip between the ropes and Seungmin’s skin, tugging and adjusting to get everything to lay nicely in place, working under each band and hitch in the harness. Seungmin rolls up onto his sore knees to give him better access; Hyunjin kisses his shoulder appreciatively, drawing a content little noise from the younger boy under his hands. His body presses close, and Seungmin can’t help but lean back into his touch and -

Oh.

The hard, hot line of Hyunjin’s cock presses solidly into the soft swell of Seungmin’s ass. 

They both tense for a moment, surprised, but then Hyunjin’s looping his arms tightly around Seungmin’s shoulders - pressing the ropes deeper into his skin - tugging him close and  _ rolling _ their bodies together. Seungmin’s breathing stutters, dick twitching, fingers reaching up to curl tightly around Hyunjin’s forearms.

_ Fuck _ .

Hyunjin huffs out a small laugh right next to Seungmin’s ear, sending helpless shivers down his spine, “look so pretty for me, Minnie.”

Well,  _ fuck _ .

He giggles shakily as Hyunjin pulls away, letting his hands slide along the older boy’s arms as they retreat until he can tangle their fingers together and give him a quick squeeze, not really sure what else to do with himself.

This is all very enlightening.

He’s given a moment to breathe and clear his head when Hyunjin has to go grab a different length of rope for the next section, one half the length of what they’ve been using for the simple restraint. It’s black and won’t look as nice as another red length would, but it was just lack of foresight… They could do it again another time… maybe… maybe he could let Hyunjin take pictures of him, too… when they do this, again…

It’s hard for him to focus on the Burlington-Bowline knots Hyunjin is tying around his wrists, staring down at his hands as they work, not taking in any of the details. The instructor’s voice sounds far away… and the knotted cuffs are pretty around his thin wrists… and Hyunjin’s hands look good as he ties them… and something in Seungmin’s gut clenches in a weird, but definitely not bad way when Hyunjin tugs the bight by his right wrist and the tail by his left back behind him to secure the belt, pinning his hands right against his hip bones and locking them there.

The restraint is so simple, but it’s  _ strong _ , and every little movement of his arms digs the rope into his skin, forcing him to stay still… it’s a lot, makes him feel small and vulnerable and off balance… 

He’s not completely sure if he likes it… but his dick certainly doesn’t seem to mind, twitching in his sweatpants as Hyunjin’s warm palms soothe up and down Seungmin’s shaky arms, so maybe that’s something...

“Oh man…” Hyunjin whispers, slowly shifting back so he can take everything in, fingers slipping from Seungmin’s body and making him feel weirdly stranded and alone where he kneels on the floor. He’s a little scared to move, lest he lose balance and not be able to catch himself… it’s a weird, disorienting feeling… but Hyunjin’s awestruck gaze calms some of his anxieties.

He tries to straighten his spine, drawing his bent elbows closer to his body, posing for the older man who makes a soft, appreciative noise as he watches, tongue wetting his bottom lip absentmindedly. He doesn’t take his eyes off Seungmin for a second, reaching blindly for his phone. His big dick is straining against the front of his boxer briefs, and there’s still red lines wrapping and criss crossing over his soft skin, across his shoulders and chest, down his long legs…

Hyunjin’s really pretty fucking incredible.

“D’you wanna see? Wait - nevermind, you  _ have  _ to see, it’s not a question,” He grins, making Seungmin snort and roll his eyes. He begins moving around Seungmin’s body to capture his bound form from every angle, and Seungmin does his best to hold still for him.

Seungmin’s not expecting him to come from behind, wrapping one arm around his waist, hand resting solidly, possessively, on the flat plane of his belly, chest pressing to Seungmin’s shoulder blades, free hand holding his phone out so they can both see as Hyunjin flips through his camera roll.

Seeing himself like this… it’s a lot.

The harness and belt combination is, frankly, gorgeous. Seungmin already knew that, had put it in his playlist for a reason, but it looks  _ shockingly _ good on his slight body. He’d worried about the harness, but Hyunjin did a really incredible job on the star across his chest, and the bottom strap, which had curved suggestively under the bust of the model, instead highlights the slight lines and angles of his rib cage just below it, somehow making the boniness that he’d never appreciated on his thin body look beautiful and elegant. Similarly, the belt draws attention to his small waist, contrasting it against his seemingly disproportionately large hands. The two pieces somewhat clustered together on his torso also make his bare arms and sweatpant-clad legs look long in comparison… all of it working to compliment his body in completely unexpected ways…

But seeing himself like this… on his knees, hands bound against his hips, ropes looping decoratively across his chest…

Hyunjin flips to the next picture, one where Seungmin is looking straight into the camera… he instantly likes this one more. His chin is tilted up, eyes clear, jaw set… he looks almost defiant despite his soft features, his submissive position. Looking at this picture… he doesn’t feel such a huge disconnect… it actually looks like  _ him _ .

“This one is my favorite.” Hyunjin’s soft words echo Seungmin’s thoughts, bring him back to the present moment. His thumb is rubbing gently at his stomach, body warm and solid along Seungmin’s back. His hands make an aborted motion before the friction of rope against his skin reminds him of the restraints, that he can’t touch Hyunjin like he wants to right now.

That same weird feeling curls in his gut.

Hyunjin hums softly as his hand presses Seungmin’s body back onto his, tugging him even closer, taking some of his weight. Warm, plush lips brush against the sensitive skin of his neck as the phone drops onto the blankets beneath them, freeing up Hyunjin’s other hand to slowly glide along the lines of Seungmin’s body, his touches teasing down his chest, over the ropes, along the indent of one of his tensed obliques, across the line of his low waist band… 

“Thank you for letting me try,” Hyunjin’s breath ghosts over his pulse point, and Seungmin can’t help but shudder against him, feeling the way Hyunjin’s hips twitch at the movement, pressing into the weight of Seungmin’s hips, “ _ god _ , this is driving me crazy.”

His hand finally brushes over the edge of Seungmin’s waistband, gliding lower until he can cup Seungmin’s cock through his sweatpants, dragging an embarrassing noise from the younger man’s throat.

“Can I suck you off like this, Minnie? Will you let me?”

Seungmin nods shakily before his brain can catch up, his hips pressing back purposefully into Hyunjin’s lap. It feels like he’s been hard for hours, and even if he’s still not completely sure how he feels about this turn of events, he’s still so fucking turned on.

It’s only when Hyunjin’s hands move him, supporting his weight as he lays him down on the blankets, knots digging into his spine, that he really processes what’s happening, uneasiness instantly spiking in his gut. “Wait- uhm… my hands, Jin? I don’t think- I don’t know if-”

Hyunjin’s eyes instantly go wide, “should I undo that part? Shit! Sorry, I wasn’t thinking.” 

Seungmin lets himself breath, smiling softly up at Hyunjin, whose hands are already at Seungmin’s sides, encouraging him to roll onto his side so he can undo the knots in the back. “It’s okay… sorry, I just- I don’t think I’m ready for that…”

“Please don’t apologize.” Hyunjin’s fingers make quick work of the simple tie, and Seungmin’s able to take a deep breath as the belt falls loose. “Thank you for telling me.”

He nods absentmindedly as Hyunjin works at the in-line cuffs on his wrists, feeling more and more stable as the ropes fall away. His skin is red and sore, but Hyunjin takes each of his hands into his own, rubbing his wrists one at a time, leaning in to press cute little kisses into the marks. By the time he’s done, Seungmin is smiling at him wide and bright, a painfully fond feeling settling in his chest.

Hyunjin returns it, eyes crinkling up. “I can take the harness off, too…”

“No, it’s fine, I think.” His body weight is pressing the knots and ropes across his back deeper into the skin, but it’s not too uncomfortable… and Hyunjin seems to like it.

He  _ really  _ seems to like it.

If the enthusiasm with which he yanks Seungmin’s sweatpants down and wraps his lips around the younger man’s cock is any indication, that is.


	5. Five

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Quick warning, if you are terribly squicked out by pissplay, this mini chapter is the one to skip, but I do promise that it's very brief... also sorry to those excited for that scene but it ends up being... very nonsexual... fair warning <3

Seungmin doesn’t remember the last time he was this happy.

Things with Hyunjin are just…  _ so _ good.

It’s bleeding into other parts of his life now, too… he smiles more, laughs more…

He’s just…  _ so _ good.

Him and Hyunjin continue to experiment. One night, Seungmin’s tying Hyunjin up in the most extensive bind he can find and edging him for hours. The next, Hyunjin’s back in his puppy gear, whining and panting as he fucks into Seungmin roughly. One day, Hyunjin finally convinces Seungmin to put his research to use and try choking… it goes surprisingly well for both of them. Yet another scene finds Seungmin pressing on Hyunjin’s dick is his chelsea boots while the poor boy is cuffed and helpless on the couch…

And some days are like this… Seungmin’s honestly lost track of what round they’re on, he just know he’s not yet tired of Hyunjin’s hands on his skin… the feeling of his tight ass around his cock… savoring the aches in his body from just an hour before when it was Hyunjin fucking into him…

It’s all just… so good.

So Seungmin tries not to dwell on bad things… like how they’re rapidly approaching the one-month mark… for example.

He decidedly does not think about that.

Things are just… too good… and he doesn’t like to have to think too long about just how much he isn’t ready for things to change…

But, he’s not thinking about it, so it’s not an issue.

What is an issue… the last item on Hyunjin’s list...

Seungmin has really, really tried to understand the piss thing.

It’s been sort of hanging over them the entire time. Hyunjin doesn’t bring it up often, and when he does, he gets embarrassed to the point of hardly being able to speak within minutes… which obviously makes it difficult to plan. He really does want to be supportive, no matter how many reservations he has about it.

He’s just… really certain that this is something that Hyunjin might like in theory but won’t actually end up working out… but he doesn’t know that for sure… and this month has proven to be full of surprises for both of them so…

He figures the worst case scenario is that Hyunjin safewords seconds in and then they deal with the consequences of that, no harm, no foul.

And Hyunjin  _ is  _ excited… and hopelessly optimistic, even if his embarrassment keeps him from fully expressing it. Seungmin can tell that he wants it to work out, at least… and if it does, that’s great. Seungmin might be a little grossed out by the whole concept, but he can at least kind of get why Hyunjin would be drawn to the humiliation aspect of it and how that could hold some appeal to him too, maybe…

If he could just get over the fact that it’s  _ piss _ .

But Seungmin wants to be supportive, no matter his concerns, so... he ends up being the one to encourage Hyunjin to pick a date and make sure they keep it. 

He can do this  _ one  _ simple thing for Hyunjin.

And the older man is cute about it, texting Seungmin a reminder when he’s in his last class of the day, not so subtly pouring him a glass of water when he gets home and then refilling it the second it’s gone… it’s cute. And it’s really cute that Hyunjin tries not to be explicit about any of it, trying his best to make the whole situation as easy on Seungmin as possible.

It actually is very sweet and considerate of him.

So, he’s good… he doesn’t once complain when it starts getting a bit uncomfortable to wait and not go to the bathroom, doesn’t mention anything when he feels Hyunjin’s eyes watching him shift in his seat... At least, it helps him look forward to the scene a whole lot more.

He’s relieved when Hyunjin cracks and starts kissing him, even if he finds himself struggling to focus on the feeling of Hyunjin’s lips against his own for the first time ever. And he’s doubly relieved when the older man finally takes his hand and leads him to the shower, giggling nervously the whole way… it’s  _ cute _ .

Seungmin wants to be good, forcing himself to wait longer just so he can build up some anticipation for Hyunjin, letting him sit on his knees in their little shower and wait while Seungmin brushes fingers through his long hair, letting himself enjoy - for the millionth time - just how fucking  _ stunning _ Hyunjin looks like this… pretty body on display in nothing but his underwear, gazing up at Seungmin like he hung the stars.

Seungmin cups his cheek, slipping his thumb in between those plush lips as he slowly pops the button on his shorts, letting himself wish for just a minute that this was a regular day and they’re going to be replacing his thumb with the head of his cock, soon, before tamping that down.

This isn’t about him, and that’s okay.

He pulls his mostly soft dick out, biting his lip and trying to mentally prepare as he looks down at Hyunjin’s stunningly pretty face. He shoves the nerves down, the bad feelings, tries to mentally pull up all the articles he’s read, remind himself why Hyunjin’s looking up at him so anxiously. “You’re sure?”

A beat, a shaky smile belying some of the older man’s nerves. “Yeah.”

Seungmin should latch onto that hesitation, let it give him the out he hadn’t even fully realized he was looking for… but he doesn’t. 

Hindsight’s always twenty-twenty…

He had no idea that everything could go so  _ spectacularly  _ wrong.

Hyunjin flinches when the stream starts, gasping as the hot liquid hits his collarbone, and Seungmin starts to realize that it’s already going wrong, stomach flipping nervously even as he’s overwhelmed with the relief of finally being able to let go, even in this context.

That’s his mistake.

Hyunjin panics.

He can see it happening, sees Hyunjin’s hands come up to shield himself, and Seungmin’s already angling away, but Hyunjin panics.

He panics... and his hands shove at Seungmin’s hips, and it’s not hard, but there’s just enough strength behind it that it knocks Seungmin off balance and he stumbles back, tripping over his shorts still bunched around his knees… he catches the side of his back on their porcelain sink as he goes down, pain shooting across body, stealing his breath before he even hits the tile floor.

Seungmin ends up on his ass in the middle of their tiny bathroom, in a puddle of his own piss, too shocked and in pain to even begin processing what the  _ fuck  _ just happened.

\---

Seungmin reclines back on the couch, trying to relax even as his jaw remains tightly locked, eyes glaring into the tv despite not even being able to absorb a second of whatever stupid variety show was on. 

He’s so fucking frustrated.

And fucking nervous.

Lee Kwangsoo's voice grates in his head as he squeezes his eyes shut, palms reaching up to press into the sockets. His legs shift, spreading a bit wider; he’s so ridiculously uncomfortable, feels gross even after changing out of his dirty clothes, after standing half naked in the kitchen with a damp paper towel because Hyunjin kicked him out of the bathroom…

His back still aches where his rib cage collided with their ceramic sink as he was shoved away… maybe Hyunjin broke one of his ribs... 

Not like he would care anyway. 

Because Seungmin's apparently the worst ever.

Like some joke of the universe, the thought apparently summons his roommate, bathroom door banging open... Seungmin doesn’t look, eyes gluing themselves to Kang Hodong's face, the muscles in his jaw twitching as he hears Hyunjin's footsteps come closer, lips pulling into a thin, straight line when they pause just to his right.

He isn't going to look.

He isn't.

Hyunjin lets out a sigh that’s obnoxiously dramatic, even for him, and Seungmin can’t react in time before the older boy throws his body down onto the couch, the motion jostling Seungmin's body and sending new pain spiking up his back, stealing his breath.

"That was fucking  _ disgusting _ , Seung."

"You-" Something in Seungmin snaps, any lingering ounce of concern for Hyunjin immediately shatters. His dumb face is shining with skincare, wet hair pushed off his forehead as he- as he  _ glares  _ at Seungmin. As if this was somehow  _ his _ fault. "You fucking made me to do it!" He registers the confusion and shock on Hyunjin’s face somewhere in his mind, but he’s already too angry, too in pain to think anything of it

He shoves himself off the couch, face twisting up and hand immediately going to his back to… to do something.

It fucking  _ hurts _ .

"Fuck you," he spits, storming from the room, bathroom door slamming behind him. It’s still warm and humid and nice and Seungmin needs a goddamn  _ shower _ .

\---

Seungmin holds his anger tight in his chest, clinging to it as he scrubs as furiously at his skin as his protesting back will allow. He watches his thighs turn red under the too-hot water and the insistent rubbing of his rag. He’s pissed and  _ hurt _ , and he doesn’t know how to deal with that. At all.

His thoughts are a mess of ‘I should have known better’s and ‘I shouldn’t have let him talk me into it’s and ‘I  _ told  _ him it was a bad idea’s. He clings to his anger and refuses to let it go.

His back is fucking  _ killing _ him, pain radiating through his entire torso with every movement, smarting under even their shitty, university-grade water pressure. He’s so furious at himself, at Hyunjin, at everything - the entire stupid arrangement. 

And no matter how long he scrubs at his skin, he still feels so fucking  _ gross _ .

The whole thing is just so fucking ridiculous.

He stays mad as he steps out of the shower, furious that he still has to clean up the mess on the floor, that the room still smells like piss, that his back is hurting at even the thought of having to scrub the linoleum.

He stays mad as he dries his body, breath catching every time he touches his left side or tries to raise that arm. It’s already beginning to bruise and swell, the sight of it in the mirror just making him even angrier.

When he opens the door to find Hyunjin curled up against the wall, blinking up at him with teary eyes, a shaky “are you okay?” falling from his lips...

He doesn’t know what the fuck to do.

So he clings tighter to the anger in his chest because it’s far more comfortable than any of the other confusing emotions suddenly clouding his mind at the sight of his best friend looking up at him with tears beginning to streak down his flushed cheeks. 

“I’m going to bed.”

His grip doesn’t falter when he hears Hyunjin let out a choking sob.

Not at all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wuh-oh


	6. Six

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The final stretch ;;
> 
> For those of you who skipped the last chapter, here's what you missed: Hyunjin panics during their watersports scene and accidentally pushes Seungmin, causing him to fall against the bathroom sink and hurt his ribs quite badly. Because of some miscommunication and him just being hurt, Seungmin lashes out at Hyunjin and leaves him crying in the hallway :(

Seungmin wakes up the next morning more exhausted than he was when he finally managed to convince his hurt body to pass out.

He’s in so much pain, his ribs aching, body stiff and sore... he just barely manages to push himself to sit up…

It comes back to him slowly, everything that happened the night before. The scene, Hyunjin’s reaction, falling… how furious he’d been afterwards…

God, he’s such an idiot.

The guilt is hitting him hard, now. He remembers what he said to Hyunjin, how he left him fucking _crying_ in the hallway…

There’s a small part of him that says that Hyunjin deserved it, but it’s immediately quashed by the overwhelming guilt and embarrassment welling up inside him. He can’t believe he actually did that, that he ever let himself think for a second that he should blame Hyunjin for a _mistake_ , that he actually treated his best friend, his _favorite person_ , that way… the weight of it is debilitating. 

He just can’t fucking believe himself.

His thoughts continue to spiral as he forces himself out of bed and into something resembling an outfit - sweatpants and a zip-up hoodie with nothing underneath. It hurts to move, to use his arm, but he works the clothes on much slower than necessary. He’s distracted and completely dreading the next step. 

He doesn’t know how he’s supposed to face Hyunjin.

What is he even supposed to say? What if Hyunjin’s angry at him… he has every fucking reason to be; Seungmin acted like a fucking asshole…

Hyunjin was fucking _crying_ and he just _left him there_.

Jesus fucking christ.

The common area is empty when he finally builds up the courage to leave his room, the apartment silent. Sunlight is shining through the blinds, and Seungmin realizes, a bit hysterically, that he should be in class right now. Hyunjin’s probably at class.

He doesn’t know why that thought makes his chest constrict.

Hyunjin probably just woke up and started his day like normal. Maybe it’s not a big deal or maybe he’s so mad at Seungmin that going to class was a better alternative than staying in the same apartment as him for another second -

Hyunjin’s door creaks open and Seungmin’s heart leaps into his throat before promptly shattering into a million pieces.

He’s been crying… Seungmin knew that, but it can’t have just been last night. His cheeks are flushed, hair a disheveled mess, face swollen, eyes and lips bright red… he looks fucking miserable.

_And it’s all Seungmin’s fault_.

He’s not looking at him as he shuffles through the doorway, fingers wringing the hemline of his t-shirt anxiously.

Seungmin doesn’t know what to say, what he can say. He’s just overwhelmed with the knowledge that he hurt his Hyunjin _this_ badly, the gravity of his fuck up.

“I’m so sorry,” it comes out so quietly, Seungmin’s not even sure the other man heard him until his head slowly lifts, sore eyes meeting Seungmin’s own. His vision starts to blur behind his glasses, and he tries to blink it away, but it just makes it worse.

Hyunjin’s quiet as he walks towards him, face screwing up as fresh tears start to gather in his own eyes. He looks so small… Seungmin just wants to hold him, wants to make this better, but he doesn’t know how.

He really fucked up.

“Please don’t,” Hyunjin finally whispers, his voice wet. Seungmin’s heart breaks all over again, but he doesn’t press. Even though he really is so ridiculously sorry, and he just wants the older boy to know that. “Are you- are you okay?”

Seungmin winces, debates just not telling him, pretending it’s fine, anything to make him happy again, sooner, but his hesitation apparently says too much.

“I’m sorry, Seung… I’m so, so sorry, it was so fucking stupid - I can’t believe I -”

“Hey, no, Jin, please… It’s okay, really. I’m not mad at you, I promise, I didn’t mean what I said -”

He knows before he even finishes that Hyunjin doesn’t believe him. Still, the older boy helps him walk to the nurse, seems even more relieved than he is when she tells him she’s certain that his ribs are just badly bruised, not broken, even though he tries to push Seungmin to get x-rayed anyway.

Going to the Urgent Care would mean a claim on his parent’s insurance and questions he doesn’t want to answer.

And he doesn’t know how much more of this awkward, guilty tension he can handle between the two of them.

\---

Seungmin’s always appreciated Hyunjin’s presence in his life, but he has no idea how much he needs it until it’s all but gone.

He’s still there. And they both eventually calm down a bit and manage to cook dinner together - Hyunjin insisting on doing almost everything for Seungmin, so he just ends up standing there, watching and delegating. There’s moments like that, where it feels almost okay, almost normal… and then there’s moments where the silence, the distance, between them is absolutely suffocating, unbearable.

He doesn’t realize how much he loves Hyunjin’s teasing, his jokes, until every word out of his mouth is one of concern. And Hyunjin won’t touch him, won’t kiss him, either… Seungmin swears he only hangs around at all because he’s worried Seungmin will accidentally aggravate his injury.

They go an entire day and a half like that and Seungmin’s already losing his mind. 

And it’s all worse because he figures out very early on that Hyunjin thinks that _he’s_ the one that did something wrong, that Seungmin’s upset with him, that he _has_ to keep his distance out of guilt or courtesy or because he thinks it’s what Seungmin wants... but that’s dumb because none of it’s true, and it just makes Seungmin feel even shittier for his outburst that night.

He tries to be understanding, knows that this is the way Hyunjin is, even if it’s never been directed at him like this, but it’s frustrating because he apologized and he’s told Hyunjin a million times that he’s not mad - and then, when that didn’t work, told him a million times more that he’s forgiven him. He’s not getting it and it’s killing Seungmin.

He just… really, _really_ misses him. More than he thought could be possible… more than he thinks is appropriate…

And that’s a whole other thing. Between the guilt over his actions, the frustration over Hyunjin’s distance, his stubbornness, there’s the realization that something about the way he’s feeling isn’t right…

And he has a lot of time to dwell on that now that they’re barely speaking, aren’t fucking or cuddling or kissing or any of the other various activities they’ve been filling their time with the past month… they’re not even sleeping in the same beds anymore-

And that’s exactly the type of thought Seungmin’s struggling with.

Missing his best friend… that’s natural, that makes sense. It’s okay to miss joking around and laughing at reality television, trying and failing to bake brownies in the microwave at two am when they’re both almost too drunk to stand… and Seungmin _does_ miss all of that, so much the thought of it is literally painful.

It’s the other things… the ‘and more’ that’s tripping him up.

Because Seungmin also misses the little fluttery feeling he gets in his chest every time Hyunjin smiles, and he misses the way their bodies slot perfectly together on the first try whenever they cuddle, the look that Hyunjin gets in his eyes _right_ before he kisses him breathless, the warmth in his chest when Hyunjin follows his commands, how Hyunjin knows his body better than anyone else - even himself, the way he smells, tastes, feels under Seungmin’s hands, under his body...

And that’s not… those aren’t _friend_ things… and it’s not like he didn’t know they were there, or that he maybe liked them all a little bit more than he had any right to, it’s just that he didn’t realize it was this _bad_.

Because now he looks at Hyunjin, the way he shrinks in on himself when Seungmin comes near, the quiet worry in his voice, the aching look in his eyes… and it’s not just a matter of missing his best friend.

It all has Seungmin feeling a little bit more than fucked up.

\---

Another day passes, and Hyunjin loosens up a bit more, but not by much.

Not enough.

Which is a very selfish thought to have, but Seungmin’s just now starting to realize how selfish he’s been this entire time. How inconsiderate, thoughtless, careless…

It’s hard to be around Hyunjin because every time he is, he just wants to wrap him up in his arms and kiss the anxious expression right off his pretty face, kiss him until he believes that Seungmin isn’t mad, that he was never actually mad, that he misses him so much he could scream-

And that’s exactly why he had to get out of the apartment. Because having thoughts like that about his _best friend_ is so unfair, but he can’t stop, can’t help it. And just trying to accept that he’s already let it go way too far, go on for way too long, to ever hope to go back to normal…

It’s too much.

He sneaks out while Hyunjin’s in the shower, shooting him a text so he doesn’t freak out when Seungmin’s not there - because that’s the level of perpetual anxiety that they’re at in their relationship, yet it’s still a step up from how it was a few days ago…

Hyunjin’s endless concern for him is simultaneously incredibly sweet, extremely frustrating, and excruciatingly shameful…

If he had any idea…

It literally hurts too much to think about… the seemingly inevitable future where Hyunjin finds out just how badly Seungmin’s fucking up their friendship and he loses him for good…

He’s so fucked.

It’s nice to leave the apartment, though, stretch his legs, get some fresh air… his ribs are slowly starting to feel better, his range of motion beginning to return to something resembling normal… it’s nice not to feel totally miserable and dependent, to be able to take a walk through campus on his own.

His professors had all been very understanding and considerate about his “accident” and the resulting absences.

He honestly hasn’t even been able to worry about his missing coursework, at all, though, anyway.

Everything is just one huge mess.

“Seungmin?” Oh fuck. “Hey! Seungmin!”

The universe has it out for him. It really fucking does.

He turns with a fake smile that he thinks is probably politely passable, “Hey! Changbin! How are you?”

Changbin is every bit as beautiful as ever, jogging lightly to catch up with him. “I’m good! But you- I heard you had an accident?”

“Oh! You heard about that?”

“Oh, yeah! You know how it is around here, everyone knows everything,” Changbin laughs, smiling up at Seungmin… like it isn’t the first time they’ve spoken in months, “But… yeah, I think everyone’s pretty worried.”

“Oh, it’s nothing really! A few bruised ribs… nothing serious.”

“That’s really good to hear.” Seungmin reels from the realization that Changbin actually sounds like… he genuinely means that. “Are you going to the coffeeshop? I’ll buy you a drink, we should catch up!”

That sounds like the very last thing Seungmin would like to do.

“Ah, yeah, sure!”

God, he’s such an idiot.

Changbin does a good job of not calling out his hesitation though, happily chatting about mindless things - classes, gossip, drama - and Seungmin pretends to smile and nod along like he’s interested until - 

“Felix and Chan are dating?!”

Changbin startles a bit, accepting his coffee order with a friendly smile to the barista, “Yeah! It’s about time, right?”

“Oh, for sure, I just didn’t know they were going out…” He flashes back to that horrible party… the way Felix had looked at Chan while he flirted with Hyunjin… a warm bit of friendly pride wells in his chest to know that it might be working out, after all.

“Mm, it’s pretty new still, but they’re cute, you know?” Yeah, Seungmin imagines they are… if Chan doesn’t mess it up like he messed up things with Hyunjin… he might need to have a talk with the upperclassman, actually-

“Seungmin?”

Seungmin blinks, forcing the smile back onto his face as it sinks in that he’s actually sitting across a table from his ex. “Sorry.”

“No worries! I just asked how you’ve been.” The smile on Changbin’s face… the look in his eyes that Seungmin _swears_ is genuine… it’s all so surreal.

“Ah… fine… things have been… a bit stressful, you know…” He smiles tightly, “classes, I mean.”

“Oh, just classes? That’s good to hear!”

“Did you… think I meant something else?”

Changbin glances down at his cup then. Seungmin knew this couldn’t just be a nice gesture.

“Jisung… mentioned something… the other day…”

“Oh?”

“Yeah…” Changbin takes a deep breath, gaze flicking back to Seungmin’s with a small smile. “I just wanted to say that I’m happy you and Hyunjin are finally figuring things out.”

What?

His alarmed confusion was apparently _extremely_ evident on Seungmin’s face based on Changbin’s equally alarmed and confused reaction.

“Oh my fucking god… Oh, I’m so sorry-”

“What _exactly_ did Jisung say?”

“He said- oh my god-”

“ _Changbin_.”

“He said he… he thought you and Hyunjin were finally- I am _so_ fucking sorry-”

“Finally… what?”

Changbin’s lips purse, expression tense and anxious as he shifts in his seat. “Finally together…”

Seungmin lets that sink in for a long minute, eyes staring vacantly at something over Changbin’s shoulder, and, still, his brain refuses to process it. “Jisung… thinks we’re together.”

“I am so sor-”

“Changbin, you said finally… why… why would you be-” Seungmin cuts himself off, sitting back in his chair, his mind somehow suffocatingly full and empty at the same time.

“I... fucked up. I was just… he said you two were…”

“Changbin-”

“I really thought you finally-”

“Finally _what_ , Bin?!”

Changbin stares at him for a long, silent moment, their cups steaming on the table between them.

“I think I might have… this is obviously a sensitive subject…”

Seungmin stares at him, the man that fucking broke his heart just a handful of months ago, the man who he drove away without even realizing there was anything wrong until it was too late. 

“If I tell you something… can you promise to keep it a secret?”

Changbin’s obviously confused, still tense… but he nods.

\---

_“Seungmin… I can’t believe… you can’t actually be this oblivious…”_

The walk back to the apartment is long, and Seungmin’s somehow managed to become more confused since he left earlier that morning. The conversation with Changbin hanging heavy on his mind.

_“I don’t understand the problem… of course you’re in love with him?”_

He honestly… he doesn’t know how to begin to process everything, yet. His world feels like it’s been fucking inverted.

_“Seungmin… when I… I told you I wanted you to be happy…_ god _, I thought you already knew-”_

_“Knew what?”_

_“How hopelessly and ridiculously in love with each other you both are? I- I can’t believe- I thought I was what was holding you back, and I just couldn’t… it… hurt, too… to know how in love you were with someone else… you_ seriously _didn’t know? Seungmin, it was_ obvious _”_

Hyunjin looks up from the couch when he enters, letting out a deep breath, “You’re back… did you not see my texts? I was worried.” He looks so tired, has since that night… Seungmin wonders if he’s been having as many troubles sleeping alone as he has… since…

_“I worried… a lot. I got updates from the guys… I knew you weren’t doing well, but I- I thought it would work and I didn’t want to risk… when nothing happened… I was so scared I was wrong, that I’d thrown away the best relationship I’d ever had because of paranoia… but then Hyunjin confronted me and- I knew then… He almost kicked my ass in the middle of the quad, did he tell you that? Chan had to hold him back and he made this huge scene- Just… he loves you, too, Seungmin, I_ know _he does.”_

“Sorry… I ran into Changbin…”

Hyunjin’s face cycles through ten emotions all at once - confusion, anger, distrust, fear… “Are you okay? Jesus, what-”

“It was okay… it was nice, actually… we talked, that’s why I was gone so long…” Seungmin watches Hyunjin’s face waver, pull into a tight smile. He tries to place where exactly he’d seen that face before… and then he realizes… the party.

_“I- what am I supposed to do?”_

_“What do you mean? You go to him right now and tell him how you feel…_ obviously _.”_

“He… he said some things… and they were confusing at first, but… I think everything’s starting to make sense and… we need to talk.”

“You’re not- Seungmin, you’re not going back to him, are you?”

“What? No, jesus, fuck, _no_ , that’s literally the _opposite_ of what we talked about.”

Hyunjin’s face crumples in relief, and Seungmin carefully settles his body on the couch next to him… he doesn’t know how to say… or, he _does_ , but even after his conversation with Changbin…

He’s fucking terrified.

But… he knows he doesn’t really have a choice. He can’t… he can’t pretend anymore.

“Hyunjin…” His hands are shaking so bad he has to pin them to his thighs, the nervous butterflies in his stomach making him feel sick… yet, somehow, the words flow easily from his mouth. “I think I’m in love with you.”

Hyunjin’s shocked stare just makes his anxiety spike, his mouth run. “Well, I mean, I _know_ I’m in love with you… and it’s… I’m still figuring things out because… I’m dumb- you know that, and I can be really oblivious sometimes, but… _god_ , Hyunjin these past few days have being _hell_ , I miss you so fucking much it feels like I can’t breathe and-”

“ _Seungmin_ -” Hyunjin’s eyes are wide, flickering over his face… he’s so fucking beautiful and, _god_ , Seungmin’s missed him so fucking _much_ -

There are lips against his own… hands cupping his cheeks… soft, overgrown bangs tickling his forehead…

Seungmin surges up, the protest of his aching ribs distant in his mind… all he can think about is Hyunjin, and how amazing it feels to kiss him, to hold him, how much he missed it and how much he never wants to lose it, again.

“I’m- I’m in love with you too,” Hyunjin giggles, eyes welling up with tears and emotion, and then he's pressing close again, kissing Seungmin absolutely fucking breathless.

So, Seungmin kisses him back, fingers tangling in his hair and clutching at his shirt.

He clings to Hyunjin, holds him tight in his chest... his best friend, his favorite person…

The man he is helplessly, hopelessly, _unabashedly_ in love with.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> <3

**Author's Note:**

> Wow, thank you for making it to the end <3
> 
> Comments and kudos are always appreciated!
> 
> Let me know if any of you are possibly interested in some like, out-take-esque scenes that are just kind of mentioned in here, but you'd like to see in more detail, because I wrote this in like 3 weeks and ran out of time to do everything I wanted to, anyway, and would be very happy to revisit these boys <3
> 
> My prompt, if anyone was curious: A and B are best friends on a journey of self discovery in regards to their sexual preferences. Together, they try out different kinks for a month. They possibly fall in love along the way?


End file.
